Would you please forgive me? For while I cannot love myself, I'll use something else.

[happytobleed]

Who: Castiel and OPEN
Where: Near the bar
When: day 47
What: Gettin' drunk, bein' pissy
Warnings: Other than drinking, probably none, but it may depend on the thread.


Castiel had been worried enough about Lucifer and then Crowley when he'd only had Meg to worry about. Now that Dean was back, he was even more concerned. Dean could hold his own against a lot of powerful creatures, but Lucifer was a whole new level and Crowley wasn't exactly easy to pick off. They needed to plan some sort of defensive strategy.

He'd gone looking for Dean in the obvious location. Before, Dean had spent a good deal of his time in the bar and so Castiel had gone there to find him. Finding the bar empty, he had gone for what he recognized to be one of Dean's favored drinks. Surely, he only had to wait and Dean would show up eventually. It was easier than running all over the town where Crowley might spot him. There were easier ways to locate Dean, but maybe Castiel wanted to nurse a little self-pity. Balthazar and Sam were still missing and Dean was... well, he was better, but he was different and he didn't remember. What if they kept making him forget?

Several hours later, he found himself leaving the bar alone. He wasn't as drunk as he'd been in the past, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't feeling it.

Comments

[happytobleed]

Castiel no long believed that he was favored. He believed he was being punished, but that was his own cross to bear.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe it isn't, but it doesn't matter. We can't undo anything." They could try to move forward, though. Castiel wanted that desperately. Neither of them could forgive or forget, but if they could just move on, maybe they could find a middle ground. Maybe that was what their Father had wanted all along.

"For now, we're here, anyway." He paused, trying to find the right words that wouldn't be a surrender. "It's peaceful here, in its way."

[servingmichael]

Lucifer had been favored, and then without warning brutally cast aside - it was a lesson Raphael had taken to heart. If he knew what the future held for Castiel, he'd see it as the same cruelty of Father's Orders to Michael.

It probably wasn't surprising that Raphael was the protector of children, really. He well knew how children needed it.

"I'm not trying to undo anything Castiel." Just finish what needed to be finished, to allow the Host their rest. Raphael no longer really cared what their Father wanted, or meant. He and Michael had been unable to carry the burden dropped on their shoulders, though they both had tried. Now, Raphael was left to shoulder it alone, and he knew deep down, that he would fail. Michael was the Viceroy of Heaven - if Michael couldn't manage it, Raphael never stood a chance. But he'd dying trying.

"We are here. I'm not sure peaceful is the term I'd use but it is different."

[happytobleed]

"Compared to some of the places I've been, it is."

He'd take this over Purgatory. He hoped that his inexplicable return to Earth and Dean would be where he wound up when they finally left, but part of him still worried that he was going to wind up back in Purgatory alone. It was what he deserved, but it wasn't what he wanted.

It was at least somewhat comforting to know that Raphael didn't want to undo anything, but he didn't really know what Raphael was thinking. Still, he would take comfort where he could get it here.

"I'm glad, though, that you don't want to fight anymore. There's no reason for any of us to fight here." He was so tired. They all were. Here, at least, maybe they could be on the same side of things for once. He held no illusions that they could come to an agreement where they'd come from, but here none of that mattered, anyway, and if they were getting along, the people that both of them cared about could be safer. He could work through the guilt and the pain for Dean and Meg.

[servingmichael]

"I can see that." It was a break from home, at least.

"I never wanted to fight Castiel. Not ever." It had occasionally been satisfying, smitting something, and he'd been angry without question when he's smote Castiel all over Chuck's home. But he hadn't wanted it to happen.

[happytobleed]

"I know." They'd both fought for what they believed it, not just to fight. He knew that. He would never accuse Raphael of believing in it any less than Castiel did. That had been the problem. The strength of their convictions had clashed harder than any blood lust ever could.

He felt far more sober now, but he still wobbled a little on his feet. "Take care of yourself, brother." And then he disappeared.