"Well I'm sure enough for the both of us." Ned smooths the apricot jam over his toast with a kind of exactness, looking down at it as he speaks. It's nice, to have someone to discuss this with who isn't Daneel, who can give her opinion and support and commentary. "He doesn't understand that different humans feel things very differently, too, and none of us are exact mirror images. I have just as much in common with him as I do with you." He takes a bite of the toast, decisively, continues to speak even as he chews, "And he doesn't understand that... that what most people are supposed to want and what I actually want might be entirely different."
Ned's tried to mold himself into that image of 'most people'. Tried to make himself act and desire and think in that way. It had been a disaster spread out over the course of months, and who knows how many other people he had hurt and confused along the way. He's older, now. Knows himself better. The things he needs - patience, goodness, stability, kindness, the ability to make him feel safe and wanted - are all qualities that Daneel possesses in greater quantities than any human ever could.
All of which Ned sums up with a simple, "Actually, we're rather perfect for each other, if you ask me." And then he takes a bite of his toast, but it's hard to chew when his mouth is trying to hard to smile. He hides the process behind one hand.
River's giggles are endearing, but Ned raises his eyebrows in surprise at the question. "No, it's not a secret," he says, without hesitation. He can't imagine Daneel caring one way or another, and as for him, he has no particular qualms about it being known. "I mean, whatever it is. I'm not sure what's the right word to use, or even if there is one. It's not-" again, he has to pause, ducking his head, lines of joy crinkling their ways around his eyes, "-never really thought I'd be in this situation in the first place."
In fact, he'd been convinced of the contrary. That there was some flaw in his heart, stopping him from being able to grow fond, as River put it. He'd wanted to, tried to, but it had never happened, for years and years. He'd assumed he was defective, had put away any hope for a change and resigned himself to solitary breakfast and having no one there to wake him up from his nightmares.
But something River said gives him pause. "Erik makes faces at you?" Does she mean the man's general dour demeanor, or is she implying something else entirely...?
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Ned's tried to mold himself into that image of 'most people'. Tried to make himself act and desire and think in that way. It had been a disaster spread out over the course of months, and who knows how many other people he had hurt and confused along the way. He's older, now. Knows himself better. The things he needs - patience, goodness, stability, kindness, the ability to make him feel safe and wanted - are all qualities that Daneel possesses in greater quantities than any human ever could.
All of which Ned sums up with a simple, "Actually, we're rather perfect for each other, if you ask me." And then he takes a bite of his toast, but it's hard to chew when his mouth is trying to hard to smile. He hides the process behind one hand.
River's giggles are endearing, but Ned raises his eyebrows in surprise at the question. "No, it's not a secret," he says, without hesitation. He can't imagine Daneel caring one way or another, and as for him, he has no particular qualms about it being known. "I mean, whatever it is. I'm not sure what's the right word to use, or even if there is one. It's not-" again, he has to pause, ducking his head, lines of joy crinkling their ways around his eyes, "-never really thought I'd be in this situation in the first place."
In fact, he'd been convinced of the contrary. That there was some flaw in his heart, stopping him from being able to grow fond, as River put it. He'd wanted to, tried to, but it had never happened, for years and years. He'd assumed he was defective, had put away any hope for a change and resigned himself to solitary breakfast and having no one there to wake him up from his nightmares.
But something River said gives him pause. "Erik makes faces at you?" Does she mean the man's general dour demeanor, or is she implying something else entirely...?