The way Daneel rephrases his tagline, and the glimpse that it gives to his continued belief that he's unworthy, sends an odd sort of shiver down Ned's spine. He can't quite identify a single word for how it makes him feel - glad and melancholy and almost overwhelmed by the intensity of his own love for Daneel.
Ned's always known, in some part of himself, that it would be like this, if he ever fell in love. That he would fall fast, fall completely, hopelessly, inescapably. Maybe that was why he had kept everyone at arm's length for so long. It's a dangerous thing, to love anyone this much. He knows it leaves him vulnerable, and there's a tiny sliver of fear buried with the other emotions. The other shoe is bound to drop, sooner or later. All the evidence of his previous life points towards it. If he is soaring this high on this much happiness, he's sure that having it taken away is going to shatter him.
Daneel's boldness does not go amiss; just as Ned is on the verge of thinking too much about possible consequences and what he'd do if he lost Daneel, he's distracted by Daneel kissing him, holding him in just the way he wants to be held. It's a relief and he sighs gratefully, reaching up and running his fingers through Daneel's hair. Ned doesn't think much as he's doing it; it's an automatic gesture of affection, smoothing his fingers through the strands, gently unknotting the occasional little tangle.
Perhaps he ought to leave it, ought not to say anything more on the subject. But as he's looking into the shifting light of fire, listening to its soft, comforting sound, he decides he ought to say it.
"You are, you know. Worthy of love." Then - and it's more of a struggle to him - he manages, in a quieter voice, "I think we both are."
Because Ned understands - in a different way, and for different reasons - where Daneel is coming from. The fact that he can say that now, and mean it, is a small victory that Daneel played a large role in bringing about. It might be in part because of his programming, and it might be complicated, but Daneel values him, unquestioningly, unconditionally. And the presence of that in his life is making it possible for Ned, slowly but surely, to begin valuing himself, too.
After all the chaos and confusion of the day, it's a relief to just sit here with Daneel, to be able to cherish a small amount of silence. Ned likes that about Daneel; that he doesn't get bored, doesn't insist that they have to spend every second doing something. He can occupy himself in his own thoughts - has a lot of practice doing so, while the rest of them sleep - and lets Ned have as much time as he needs with his own.
So the time slips past them, measured not in minutes or hours but in the size and intensity of the fire. When it begins to fade, slipping down into red embers, Ned breaks the silence, letting out a long sigh and easing himself out of Daneel's arms, stretching and then getting to his feet. It occurs to him how beautiful he thinks Daneel looks, in the dimness, how no matter what the scientists might try to do to his face, some corner of his brain and heart and soul must always remember the shape of his face.
He offers a hand to Daneel, smiling warmly and nodding his head in the direction of his bedroom.
no subject
Ned's always known, in some part of himself, that it would be like this, if he ever fell in love. That he would fall fast, fall completely, hopelessly, inescapably. Maybe that was why he had kept everyone at arm's length for so long. It's a dangerous thing, to love anyone this much. He knows it leaves him vulnerable, and there's a tiny sliver of fear buried with the other emotions. The other shoe is bound to drop, sooner or later. All the evidence of his previous life points towards it. If he is soaring this high on this much happiness, he's sure that having it taken away is going to shatter him.
Daneel's boldness does not go amiss; just as Ned is on the verge of thinking too much about possible consequences and what he'd do if he lost Daneel, he's distracted by Daneel kissing him, holding him in just the way he wants to be held. It's a relief and he sighs gratefully, reaching up and running his fingers through Daneel's hair. Ned doesn't think much as he's doing it; it's an automatic gesture of affection, smoothing his fingers through the strands, gently unknotting the occasional little tangle.
Perhaps he ought to leave it, ought not to say anything more on the subject. But as he's looking into the shifting light of fire, listening to its soft, comforting sound, he decides he ought to say it.
"You are, you know. Worthy of love." Then - and it's more of a struggle to him - he manages, in a quieter voice, "I think we both are."
Because Ned understands - in a different way, and for different reasons - where Daneel is coming from. The fact that he can say that now, and mean it, is a small victory that Daneel played a large role in bringing about. It might be in part because of his programming, and it might be complicated, but Daneel values him, unquestioningly, unconditionally. And the presence of that in his life is making it possible for Ned, slowly but surely, to begin valuing himself, too.
After all the chaos and confusion of the day, it's a relief to just sit here with Daneel, to be able to cherish a small amount of silence. Ned likes that about Daneel; that he doesn't get bored, doesn't insist that they have to spend every second doing something. He can occupy himself in his own thoughts - has a lot of practice doing so, while the rest of them sleep - and lets Ned have as much time as he needs with his own.
So the time slips past them, measured not in minutes or hours but in the size and intensity of the fire. When it begins to fade, slipping down into red embers, Ned breaks the silence, letting out a long sigh and easing himself out of Daneel's arms, stretching and then getting to his feet. It occurs to him how beautiful he thinks Daneel looks, in the dimness, how no matter what the scientists might try to do to his face, some corner of his brain and heart and soul must always remember the shape of his face.
He offers a hand to Daneel, smiling warmly and nodding his head in the direction of his bedroom.