kore_logs | if you could only see the beast you've made of me

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if you could only see the beast you've made of me

Who: Crazy Bruce Banner, YOU!, and whoever he's hallucinating.
What: Bruce stumbling around town, hiding from his hallucinations, with occasional moments of lucidity.
Where: Around town.
When: Various points on Day 37. I'll work out timeline stuff, you just tag in and let the fun/terribleness roll.
Warnings: Child abuse and father issues for father-related hallucinations. Violence and attacking people, including a few women. See here for more information.

Bruce twists his head around so fast to check what he thinks he sees in the corner of his eye, that he trips and stumbles forward, landing on his hands and knees. There's no one there -- not Blonsky, and not his father, either -- but he doesn't feel any less attacked. His head hurts, pounding at the temples, from the noise in his own mind. His voice, the Hulk's voice, the pressure of the drugs; it all swirls around until Bruce isn't sure of anything he's seeing.

He's not sure of himself, either, but he hasn't been sure of himself for a long time. His eyes, at least, he's had an okay relationship with, up until now.

In some part of his mind, he knows he's seeing things, but the fear and the panic take over, and the urge to run, to hide becomes too much to fight. It's coming over him again even now, and he pushes himself to his feet to stumble forward again, slowly gaining his balance until he's half walking, half running.

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The touch to his knee draws him out of his thoughts, puzzling out the way the hallucinations had taken control of both him and Tony; he lifts his eyes and gives a slight smile.

"Surprisingly well. With the way I've been... It seems like he would've made an appearance by now, but so far nothing. I mean, I'm going nuts for periods at a time, but I'm pretty sure he hasn't shown up. Best guess is it has something to do with the drugs, keeping him back for longer. But you know, I think I'd rather have him."

He breathes, and it's an actually relaxing breath, not one that he takes in an effort to regulate his body. He shifts closer to Tony and lets his eyes fall shut.

"How long do you think this will last for? I'd say we should make plans, but this is the stillest my mind has been in what feels like forever."

“I haven’t seen him.” Not that he’s been monitoring Bruce’s comings and goings. He hasn’t been. He can barely keep track of his own, much less that of someone else. But what he has seen of Bruce has been Bruce. Not the Hulk. Of him, there’s been no sign that Tony’s seen, and generally speaking, he leaves pretty huge signs in his wake.

“I haven’t heard anyone talking seeing him, either, and I’d think a crazy, hallucinating green giant would draw some attention. I mean, that’s just me.”

He glances at him out of the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t shift away or tense at the proximity. He simply relaxes back into the chair and tries to remember that JARVIS and his equipment is back in his world, not across the room.

“I don’t know. I don’t really understand the point of all this. Keep us captive and then drive us nuts? It doesn’t seem rational. Or like it’s something that can be sustained indefinitely.”

"Sure, it's rational. We're rats, Tony. Rats in a lab, and they're making us run our mazes. I've been in enough labs, on both sides pf the equation, to know what it feels like." He doesn't open his eyes to say it, and even if his voice turns bitter and hard, he doesn't tense up. Like he said, this isn't that new to him. What upsets him is that he's finally fallen into one, and he can't find his way out of it.

"Or prisoners, maybe. Maybe all this -- the drugs, the stuff during Maybe Christmas -- is our captors amusing themselves while they babysit, but I don't think so. We've seen scientists because we're some kind of experiment."

"So then what? They're aliens? Like, more-alien-than-Thor-and-Loki aliens?" It's the only explanation that makes even a lick of sense. Humans, even those of a scientific bent, ought to already know how other humans react to these kinds of stimuli. They'd be wasting their time, not learning anything new. But aliens, something that isn't remotely human and doesn't act like it, could be the answer.

Not a pleasant answer. But an answer nonetheless.

"I'm not sure I believe it. I mean, I haven't even been probed yet. Not that I want to be. Just, you know, when I think aliens, that's kind of where my mind automatically goes." It's a little less serious than the situation calls for, but with circumstances being what they are, humor is really all he has left.

His mind didn't go to aliens at all, though he can see how it would be a good and perfectly plausible option. Bruce doesn't think this kind of experimentation is outside the realm of human thought though.

"Maybe," he says, nodding. "Could be aliens. That would explain the technology they must be using to bring us here, people from different dimensions. All different kinds of people." He shakes his head slightly and opens his eyes.

"Could still be people though. Maybe what they just did to us was a new drug they invented. And a lot of people here aren't exactly uninteresting to a scientist's mind. Me, you, the people here who aren't quite human." He takes a breath and leans his head back against the chair.

"At this point, I'd buy either alien or human. But regardless, we're in someone's petri dish."

“Okay, so we break the dish.”

It’s easier said than done. He recognizes that, knows that they’ve already tried to get out and failed more than once. But sitting back and accepting it isn’t in the cards. Not for him. He doesn’t do captivity well, and he thinks that neither does Bruce. Or the Hulk.

“We just need to figure out how. The forest method isn’t working. Every time we try it, we just get pushed back. Either it really is the way out, or it’s just a distraction. A diversion to keep us occupied so we think it’s the way out and ignore the real one.”

Lifting a hand, he rubs at his eyes. He doesn’t need incentive to be paranoid. He’s paranoid enough as it is. “What do you think? You’ve been here longer. You’ve been… out of the town. Your judgment’s a little clearer than mine. More informed.”

Bruce is paranoid too, and he's on board with wanting to get out of here. He's had a lot of other things to distract him, but being pummeled with hallucinogens is really emphasizing the limits of their cage. Before he'd been hesitant about pushing to find a way out without much information, and he still thinks that isn't very wise, but they definitely have to try something.

"Honestly, I couldn't tell you much. Before you got here, it was just more of the same, only with more food. We all woke up in the center of town together. As for me being outside..." He sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly. Not a fun memory either.

"They dropped the Hulk off near the woods. Maybe that's a clue. Maybe there is something that way, and we haven't been able to get through to it."

Being driven half out of his mind by hallucinogenic toxins probably isn’t the best time to try to formulate an escape plan, but none of the plans they’d made – half-assed as they’d admittedly been – when they’d been wholly sane had worked. Maybe the crazy plan would have more chance of success.

He’s opening his mouth to make a suggestion that he wouldn’t make if it weren’t for the desperation of their situation when he remembers that there are cameras watching them. Not cameras hooked to JARVIS, as he’s been thinking more and more often of late. But cameras that presumably transmit their conversations and actions back to the enemy. So he changes course of action, leaning over and twisting around until his mouth is pressed against Bruce’s ear.

“What if we burn it down?” he whispers, keeping his voice as low and quiet as possible, yet still audible enough for Bruce to pick up on it. “Can’t hide weapons in a forest when there isn’t anything there.”

Oh, suddenly Tony's talking against his ear, and Bruce has to suppress a shiver just for the proximity and the vibration traveling down his neck. He tries to appear as casual as possible, catching on quick to what Tony's doing and why. No, when everyone's crazy and paranoid, it probably isn't a good time to launch an escape attempt, but still, the idea seems really good to him right now.

Ducking his head, he sets his mouth near Tony's ear so he can whisper back.

"We'd need a way to control it; we don't want to burn the whole village down."

At this rate, it’s going to be a very short-lived escape plan conversation. Whispering in Bruce’s ear didn’t strike him as particularly distracting, but Bruce whispering in his ear is another story entirely. Especially when they’re sitting like this, pressed against each other on a chair that seemed big enough initially and now just isn’t.

“Um…” Burning down the town is bad, right? Didn’t he tell someone else that not so long ago? “No, you’re right. You’re definitely—We don’t want to burn down the town.”

Trying to kick start his brain, Tony licks his lips, only to realize belatedly that that just means he licks the edge of Bruce’s ear, too. That’s not helping the distraction at all. “So we, I don’t know, make a perimeter. Prevent the fire from reaching it.”

He sucks in a sharp breath when Tony licks his ear. Okay, when they're both high and paranoid and planning to burn half the island down, this is not a good time to try to bridge the awkward sexual gap. But they could stop planning and start bridging instead; they're sitting close enough, their bodies pressed together and Tony's warm and Bruce feels safer than he has in days.

Focus, Banner. Still on drugs here.

"Yeah. Maybe someone with a little extra can keep it back. Loki?" His breathing is shallow and he wonders if Tony can feel it against his neck. He can feel Tony's, skittering across the skin beneath his ear, and it's really not helping the whole focus thing.

Self-control isn’t something Tony generally practices. He does what he wants when he wants, as long as doing so doesn’t cause anyone else any harm. Bruce isn’t moving away from him, which Tony interprets as permission to stay where he is. And when he feels the warmth of Bruce’s breath against his skin, he interprets that as a sign that he can run a hand up along his neck and slide his fingers into his hair.

Tony isn’t quite sitting on Bruce’s lap, but a little more moving around and he may as well be.

“You want to ask Loki, we can ask Loki.” His fingers stroke the ends of Bruce’s hair, ruffling it up and smoothing it back down again. “He’s good with the magic and he’s offered to help before.”

He definitely doesn't have a problem with the hand in his hair, and his throat clicks audibly when he swallows. Logically, this may not be the best time for this, but hey, at least Bruce isn't seeing visions, right? His eyes are closed and his world is Tony, the hand in his hair and the voice in his ear. It's a vast improvement on what it was. He lays his hand on Tony's arm, starting at the top and sliding down until his fingers can curl around his bicep.

"Exactly what I was thinking," he says thickly. "Okay, we'll ask him."

As if closing the matter, he kisses the spot behind Tony's ear. That was meant to be the end of it, but he finds himself still here, tongue tracing the shell of Tony's ear.

"Later." His voice comes out sounding a lot huskier than he expects it too, but he can’t really be surprised. Not when Bruce kisses his skin like that. Or licks his ear.

The shiver that his tongue provokes is an obvious one, their proximity making it impossible for Tony to hide it. He doesn’t try. There’s no point. He’s not ashamed of Bruce knowing how easily he’s affecting him. And his voice would give him away anyway. “Ask Loki later.”

He turns a little as he says it, curling into Bruce’s side and making it easier for himself to explore the side of his neck. Maybe it’s shameless and inappropriate, but Bruce is here and Tony is here and they’re close enough that it’s too easy to resist. His lips leave the edge of Bruce’s ear, but it’s to kiss his skin above his collar. It’s to taste it with a flick of his tongue and to nip gently at a spot just beneath his jaw, as his hand slides out of Bruce's hair and down along his chest.

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if you could only see the beast you've made of me

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