kore_logs | Would you please forgive me? For while I cannot love myself, I'll use something else.

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Would you please forgive me? For while I cannot love myself, I'll use something else.

Who: Castiel and OPEN
Where: Near the bar
When: day 47
What: Gettin' drunk, bein' pissy
Warnings: Other than drinking, probably none, but it may depend on the thread.

Castiel had been worried enough about Lucifer and then Crowley when he'd only had Meg to worry about. Now that Dean was back, he was even more concerned. Dean could hold his own against a lot of powerful creatures, but Lucifer was a whole new level and Crowley wasn't exactly easy to pick off. They needed to plan some sort of defensive strategy.

He'd gone looking for Dean in the obvious location. Before, Dean had spent a good deal of his time in the bar and so Castiel had gone there to find him. Finding the bar empty, he had gone for what he recognized to be one of Dean's favored drinks. Surely, he only had to wait and Dean would show up eventually. It was easier than running all over the town where Crowley might spot him. There were easier ways to locate Dean, but maybe Castiel wanted to nurse a little self-pity. Balthazar and Sam were still missing and Dean was... well, he was better, but he was different and he didn't remember. What if they kept making him forget?

Several hours later, he found himself leaving the bar alone. He wasn't as drunk as he'd been in the past, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't feeling it.

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It's hard for him to tell how drunk Cas really might be, mojo and all, and he's leaning pretty heavily on him, but Dean's okay with that. Cas can lean on him if he needs it. Where Dean gets frustrated is when Cas won't pick himself back up when the time's right for it -- but that's a story for another time, when Cas isn't tipsy.

He could let Cas's explanation sit, even though he doesn't believe it, or... He glances sideways at him, trying to read him as best he can from the angle they're at.

"That's the weakest story I've ever heard. What's bothering you?"

Sure, Cas looks happy, but the only times he's seen Cas like this is when something horrible was happening.

He's leaning on Dean perhaps more than is strictly necessary, but he likes the reminder that he can lean on Dean. Forgetting that he could lead him down the wrong path. It took Purgatory to really remind him that he could depend on Dean, but he knows now that he can count on Dean to come through no matter what. He should really have more faith.

"You." He sighs. If he'd been entirely sober, he might have resisted more, but he's drunk enough to let it all spill out, especially with Dean being so oddly direct. Something in Dean has changed and Castiel isn't sure what to do with that. Normally Dean would tell him not to mention his feelings. "When you disappeared, there weren't nearly as many things here that wanted to kill you. It's like everyone we've fought is here now. I just want to keep you safe, Dean."

Dean wasn't exactly patient when Cas was bonkers, it's true, but they had crap to do, a fight to get to, the world to save, again. In the downtime, he'd rather Cas talk to him because he's seen what happens when Cas flies solo. That's not really a slight; he's still hurt over it, but he's ready to move past it and onto the next thing, which is making sure Cas doesn't go through that whole thing again. He wants Cas to come to him first, or at least to include him in the shit he's got going on. So yeah, he's making him talk about his feelings now. It's weird but as long as it's not Dean's feelings, it's not so bad. Anyway, Cas peers into his head enough. Dean figures he can prod at him.

"Me?" He sighs again and hauls Cas closer. Stupid angel. He really is turning out to be more like Dean than Dean would've recommended.

"So you decided you could keep me safer if you were drunk? C'mon, Cas. I'll be fine. And it's not like the things here that want to kill me don't also want to kill you. We'll stick together, we'll keep each other safe. Okay?"

That's not what he'd been thinking, no. The drinking had just been an aside. He hadn't even gone to the bar to drink in the first place. He knows that Dean knows that, though. He doesn't always understand subtleties, but he understands Dean.

Part of him wants to protest that Dean dragged him through Purgatory and it's his turn to take care of Dean. He's the angel; he's the strong one. It's not true, though. Of the two of them, Dean is stronger in so many ways. He knows that now.

The idea that they can take care of each other is nice. They're both stronger together than apart and there's no one he trusts to have his back more than Dean.

He wants to keep Meg safe, too, but he'll broach that subject with Dean when it seems right. Dean already knows that Castiel cares about her.

"I think I'd like that." He'll still put them both before himself, unfailingly, but if they can all stay safe, he'll take that.

He figures the drinking is part of Cas learning from Dean's School of Coping, and it makes him feel a little bit like crap, but he'll keep an eye on the guy to make sure it doesn't get out of hand. Clearly Dean can't throw stones about drowning your sorrows in whiskey, but Dean's pretty sure alcoholism in Cas can only end in disaster.

"Of course you would. It's the way better option." He smiles kindly at him and stops once they get to their front door. He lets Cas go to unlock it, and then he steps partway in so he can monitor Cas's progress through the door in case he starts to fall over or trip or something else this side of sad little angelism.

"Get in here, and we'll talk keeping safe. Do we have the stuff to make hex bags?"

He lets Dean go to open the door, but his side feels immediately cold at the lack of Dean. Once the door is open, he walks through, slow but mostly steady. He feels tired, but he's not really all that drunk.

"It would depend on the hex bag. Some of the rarer items might not be possible, but we can at least angel-proof your and Meg's bedrooms." Which means he won't be able to get in, either, but he'd rather be trapped out than have them be vulnerable in their sleep.

"Does that mean you're ready to stop creeping over me when I sleep?" he asks, grinning teasingly, but even as he shuts the door and follows after him, he's not entirely... happy with that. Sure, yes, it's creepy as crap to wake up to Cas looming over him all stoic and thoughtful, but that's what Cas does. And while he'll happily demon-proof his room for hilarity and hijinks, he doesn't need to keep Cas out.

Has he checked their fridge for beer? Cas is walking steadier now, and Dean figures it's an angelic metabolism thing. Cas wouldn't have drunk the whole bar because he would know that Dean would hit him in the face ineffectually lots and lots of times and then he'd have to heal Dean's hand for him.

Anyway, he's going to the kitchen for a beer, and he doesn't care if Cas can't watch him when he sleeps anymore.

Castiel follows after him and he could possibly be likened to a puppy when he does.

"I don't... creep." He scoffs. "I watch over you." He likes watching Dean. There's nothing creepy about enjoying the image of his friend at peace. Dean's sleep isn't always the easiest, but when it is, his face relaxes and he looks content in a way he never does when he's awake.

"Besides, it's not my fault that you were designed to sleep so much. What else am I supposed to do with all of those hours?"

"Uh, find a hobby?" He grabs a beer out of the fridge and turns around, holding his hands out. "I dunno, knit? Learn to play the harp?"

He's mostly teasing because this is how they talk about things, right? Dean opens the bottle and takes a drink, tossing the cap onto the counter.

"Standing around and staring isn't really the way to win friends and influence people."

That reference flies right over Castiel's head. "You're already my friend. After everything that's happened, I don't think you'll stop over some... creeping and I don't want to influence anyone."

He ignore the harp joke. Those jokes have never been funny, but part of him enjoys the constant non-funny Dean gives him on that front.

"I can play with my cat, but she needs to sleep, too."

He opens his mouth to correct Cas, but, just, nah. He rolls his eyes and has another drink before he leans heavily on the counter.

"And by 'cat' you mean vicious, man-eating, saber-tooth tiger, right?" He smiles smugly up at him. "That I'm allergic to, by the way."

"Then I suppose you shouldn't play with her." He cracks another smile. "She isn't vicious and she hasn't eaten anyone. She's a baby and she stays outside. Donna helped me fix up a shed for her." She's mostly independent now, anyway. She catches her own food and waits patiently for him in the driveway when she wants something from him.

"Did Meg tell you about her?" She gets along well with Meg, which he finds a little surprising. Meg isn't exactly the nurturing type outside of her brief stint as a nurse.

Edited 2013-03-07 06:36 (UTC)

A baby. He only has an eyeroll for Cas's spiel about his pet. Just an eyeroll. He won't insist he gets rid of it or anything else, though he may continually insult it. That Cas made a joke is helping; he likes that he's whipping himself up a sense of humor. That's one thing from Dean's school of how to be that he doesn't mind passing on.

"Yeah, after Bernice came up to say hi, and Meg told her to heel." And then they had a conversation all about how it's Dean's fault for leaving Cas repeatedly even if Cas did some of his own leaving, and then they agreed to play nice and then she kissed him. So it was a normal... thing. Dean picks at the label of the beer before he drinks from it again.

"Meg's a good little cat sitter, isn't she?" He says it lightly, but his eyes flick over Cas, and he's not really talking about Bernice.

"She's good at a lot of things." His smile gets wider and there's a fondness in his voice that talking about the cat doesn't quite bring out. "She took care of me and I think a wild animal is a little easier." He's still thankful for that. She took care of him.

It's not the way she framed it for Dean back then. He doesn't think Dean abandoned him, but that doesn't change the fact that when he started to feel like himself again, bit by bit, Meg was the one who was there to help him through it. She was the familiar face he saw first. He's not some baby chick who imprinted on the first thing he saw, but he does see her as a symbol of sorts.

He notices the fondness more than he'd like to notice the fondness because it bugs him. Look, just, Cas is his angel, okay? His angel. And Dean's not very good at sharing. Not his brother or his car or the music selection or his food or his freaking angel. But he does recognize some of Meg's points. Yeah, okay, he does recognize that in the mess that was Cas going postal, there was some failure to communicate on all sides. So Cas has his demon. Cas has a life that isn't Dean. Okay. He can... Sure.

Dean picks at the label on his beer again and finds a smile for him.

"Yeah, you're a real handful, Cas. How many times did you make her pull your finger?"

But it's not really something he likes to discuss. A lot of decisions can be made at crucial times, times of war, and that whole mess with Dick and the Leviathan had been close to that. Had it felt good leaving Cas behind? No. Could they have taken care of him while they were taking down Dick? No. So that was that.

There's just a hint of what could almost be a laugh before Castiel responds. It's not that he remembers that time fondly. It's quite the opposite. He'd been drowning in guilt and worry. Meg's presence and Dean's forgiveness had been the only things that had been good about any of it, but the little things he'd found there had helped him to understand some things that he hadn't understood before.

"I didn't keep count, but I have a feeling Meg might have. At some point, I think I was just trying to keep her attention by making her replace light bulbs." He doesn't notice that Dean's unhappy about any of this. As far as he can tell, it's just Dean not getting along with Meg, but he can't hate her that much if he left an all but defenseless Castiel with her, right?

"I can still do it if you think it would be funny, but I don't think we have unlimited light bulbs."

Dean doesn't actually hate her, which is weird considering all the times she's fucked with his life and tried to kill him, so... Maybe he should hate her. She's taking his angel and everything, and Cas is enjoying the hell out of it. It's hard though when he can see that she's actually good to Cas for... some bizarro reason. ...bitch.

"Yeah, pass." He pushes away from the counter and takes his beer with him into the living room, needing a moment to brood by himself, not that he really sees it that way. That is, of course, what he's doing as he drops himself onto the couch and leans his head against the back cushion.

"Okay, so. Protection. Way I see it is we mainly need to keep Lucifer and Crowley off our tails, yeah?"

He follows after Dean into the next room. He'll likely keep following Dean until Dean tells him to stop.

The sluggishness from earlier is still there and he sits heavily next to Dean on the couch. There's a long pause before he answers. "And Raphael."

Another thing to worry about. His brother has a lot of anger directed at the both of them. He doesn't think Raphael would think anything of killing Dean and Castiel can hardly go to Heaven or Hell or anywhere else to retrieve Dean's soul.

"You remember how to do a banishing sigil, right?" He'd shown Meg and he would show Dean again if he needed to relearn.

Dean's expression crumples. Oh right, that little shit. As if they didn't have enough to worry about. He nods and wriggles so he can face Cas while still flopped comfortably.

"Yeah, I think so. I'll have to keep some of your blood on hand though." Bobby's fridge was a scary place, and theirs probably won't be much different. He'll have to remember to make cracks to Meg about her not confusing any of that with food.

"What're the odds Lucifer, Crowley, and Raphael will all take each other out in a big asshole showdown and we can just kickback with popcorn and watch?"

He already knows before he asks that that won't happen, but there's some legitimacy to the question, he reasons. Crowley didn't want Lucifer around the first time, and he doesn't know how Raphael and Lucifer feel about each other. Raphael wanted the apocalypse, but that's different from actually liking Lucifer.

"I wouldn't bet on those odds." He shakes his head. "I'd honestly prefer Crowley to my brothers, but I don't think he stands a chance, and I think Lucifer and Raphael fighting would result in... casualties." Namely, all of them.

"I think our best bet is honestly keeping our heads down and hoping for the best. It's not ideal, but I don't see how else we'll stay alive."

He turns his head to look at Dean. "I'll start collecting my blood for you tomorrow."

Dean's watching Cas so when he turns around and promises his blood, it's this suddenly eerily intense promise. Dean blinks.

"That's one of the creepiest things you've ever said to me, Cas." He lifts his eyebrows. "And you've said a lot of creepy things, so A plus."

Not that he thinks the sentiment is creepy because it's like, supply gathering, only in the saddest possible way because he still hears crazy Cas saying how happy he is to bleed for the Winchesters and it's fucking gutting. Here he is again, offering up his blood to keep them all safe. It's easier for Dean to make fun of it.

"Alright, we lay low. For now," he adds, confident at first but then his expression turns questioning. "It's a small town, right? That can't last forever."

"There's one other thing." It's a small town, yes, but Dean should be able to hide when he needs to.

"Come here." Without any other warning, he moves closer and presses his palm to Dean's chest, re-branding the sigils into Dean's ribs that will hide him from the angels.

There's a slight smile on his lips as he leans back again. "That should make it easier to lay low."

Dean has about ten seconds to wonder what kind of angel whammy Cas is going to blast him with this time and what kind of effect it might have on his body's ability to function before Cas is touching him and then holy mother of God crap shit fuck.

"Ow!" Dean touches his chest gently through his shirt, but the pain is definitely on the inside. "What the hell was that?"

As he continues to try to soothe a pain that's definitely way too internal for him to get to, he notices that smile on Cas's face. Son of a bitch enjoyed that.

"Just replacing the enochian on your ribs." He's not enjoying causing Dean pain, but he does enjoy Dean and his many loud and emphatic responses to things. Dean's so different from everyone else he knows. For lack of a better explanation, Dean is just... alive.

"Now they won't be able to find you as easily again." He'll give Dean every advantage to stay alive and safe here, no matter the personal cost to himself. Dean dragged him through Purgatory; he forgave Castiel and for that, Castiel will never be able to fully repay Dean.

"Jesus, Cas. How about a little more warning next time?" He decides he'll live, but he shoots Cas another glare for good measure before he takes another drink. Obviously he needs one now.

"What about you?" His frown is more sincere now, his eyes on where Cas's ribs would be. He wishes he could scribble some crap on Cas that'd keep him away from his dick brothers and Crowley.

"How do we keep you safe?"

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happytobleed - 2013-03-12 06:52 (UTC) - Expand

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