kore_logs | You're only in trouble if you get caught.

Who: Fun Ghoul and Anna Milton
What: Species swap - Ghoul and Anna sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Except he's still a demon and he just murdered a guy. Whoops.
When: Day 62ish
Where: In the woods! In a tree.
Warnings: Strong language, demonic... shit, possible descriptions of graphic violence, will update as needed

She's slow. She's human and slow and he wanted her to stay away from him, but that was before. She's human, slow, and even more breakable than Jesse had been, and she makes him feel so wrong and so powerful and so ... guilty. But he called her. He called her and he's waiting.

Anna's on her way. She'd said she was coming! Ghoul would just have to wait. Wait and watch. Make sure nothing touches her and make sure Galen doesn't make him sleep. He didn't even know he could sleep, didn't think he would, but Galen did it. And then the nightmares came. Those fucking nightmares. It stopped being fun after that. He needed time to regroup and plot his next move and--

Maybe he just really wanted Anna close. Maybe he kind of liked the way she looked at him. Maybe it makes him feel ...

He scowls, scanning the area for any sign of her. It's pretty easy to spot someone from 20 feet up. The hell is she?!

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He smirks. He remembers. "Not so good."

Ghoul couldn't stay away if he tried. Can't stay away even now. He knows it, she knows it, they just don't say it. Saying it would make it real, make it a thing, make it that much easier to lose her and that much more painful. No. He's not giving her up. Can't give up what you don't really have.

"Wanted to hurt you." A beat, "At first, really did. Still kinda want to now, but then I don't. Couldn't. Not you."

But he hurt his friends. He hurt Jesse. He hurt Galen even worse than that, making him live with it. He tried to hurt Jet with words and actions, but could never get too close. He might hurt Kobra.

He hates them all.

"I fucked up, Anna. I am fucked up."

Maybe saying it would be the push needed. Whoever it is that's brought them here seem to enjoy shattering what little peace they manage to craft with such flawless timing, maybe actually saying it would be just asking for trouble. It's easier to just think about it that way, anyway. Too much of a risk, too much chance of collateral. She can't be selfish, not with him. Maybe, or maybe it's just easier. If neither of them admit it, then it's safer. Less of a chance of getting hurt.

"It's not you." She can't stress that enough, can't begin to place enough emphasis that what's happening right now isn't him, isn't his fault. The blame lies in one place and one place alone, the people who decided to do this to all of them. he's no more to blame than Balthazar is for not being able to control himself, or she is for not being able to help them all more.

Not that it eases her conscience, and not that it will likely help him any more, but she has to make sure he knows that all the same. "Where I'm from, demons. They get that way because of thousands of years of torture. No one can withstand that, you know that, right? You understand that? No one can survive that, and it twists them and changes them. This isn't you, you're not fucked up. Not you."

Of course she doesn't blame him. She's too good, too perfect, to forgiving. Would she forgive him if she knew what he did? Would she forgive him if he dropped her out of the tree? Maybe. She seemed to be okay with that fuckhead taking a chunk out of her before he got the chance-- no. Stop.

His fingers thread through her hair and he keeps her close. Anna's like his lifeline to sanity right now and he's scared of what will happen if he lets go.

"So how the fuck did they pull this off? Because I wasn't tortured for years. Ain't been gone, been here the whole time. The fuck did they do to me? I see something, I see anything, I wanna hurt it. Wanna make it feel like I feel. I--" He can't tell her. He can't. She'd hate him. She'd hate him... and he would hurt her.

The how is the problem here. She doesn't know how this happened to him any more than she knows how it's happened to any of them. She does know that it's Ghoul though. He's not being possessed, it's actually him. She's sure of that much at least.

"I- I don't know." She's just as lost as everyone else here. The only difference is, she doesn't much care how most of them ended up the way they are. It's happening, and it's bad, but the how only minimally concerns her. What does concern her is how the Grace of three angels and two archangels were just wiped and in some cases replaces. What does concern her is how Ghoul was somehow broken and reshaped into this without more than a second passing. "The same way they made me human, I guess. It's- it should be hard to do that. Really hard."

There's another point she can't stress enough, because it's true. They shouldn't be able to mess with angels, it doesn't make sense that they can here. It's wrong, and it confuses her - and it scares her a little, honestly. Anna's never regretted being pulled from prison, but the fact that there are beings who can do it at all is terrifying. She can't protect any of them from that, any more than she can protect anyone right now.

She sighs, and the hand in her hair gives her as much comfort as it does him. Stress levels are high, worry and concern is higher, and it seems as each day passes it only gets worse. She carefully winds her arm back around him, holds him a little tighter, and just shakes her head. "They broke you. Your soul, that's what it is." She presses a hand to his chest lightly, and when she looks at him, it's just so sad. "If I could still see it, if I could still fix it..."

But she can't, and there's another thing that she can add to the list of things to keep her up at night.

He's quiet for what seems like a long time. It doesn't make sense and it's incredibly fucking unsettling. But the fact that Anna wants him back the way he was, wants to help him...

Ghoul shudders. Conflicted. Touched? Infuriated. Too many feelings at once. When he speaks again, his voice is low. "Some things are just unfixable. Taken enough things apart to know when y'can't put somethin' back together again. Not your fault when that happens. No one's fault if they can't fix something." He sniffs, "But if someone broke it? It's their fault."

Fuck these so-called scientists.

"Hey." It's soft, quiet and surprisingly gentle, but it's still a protest. She's still disagreeing with that, because the other option isn't something she's even considering right now. They won't stay like this forever, they can't.

"Even- listen. Even if we go back and this- you're still not you..." And it's not something she wants to consider, but she has to. For his sake at least, she has to explore the option. She's treading carefully with him, toeing the surface of the water in case she pushes whatever humanity he has left too far. It's a long way to fall, after all. Carefully, gently enough for him to pull away without much thought, she touches her hand to his jaw again, turns his face lightly to make sure he's looking at her. "If we get put back, and you're still broke. I can fix it."

...Well. She pauses for a moment, because that's not entirely true. She might be able to. She might be able to heal the damage, but she can't be sure. That's not what she says though, just keeps her voice firm and her convictions strong, and hopes that that's enough.

She can fix it. She wants to. He won't be stuck like this, he won't want to burn the city to the fucking ground and kick in the skulls of people asking for help. Good. It's good. It's going to be fine because he has Anna.

He's looking. Looking right at her. She's touching his face. He doesn't want to break her hand or leave her up in this tree. He can't feel any of that animosity towards her. Other people, yes. Humans in general, yes. But her? No fucking way. So he watches her, can't let go, she'll fall. Not gonna let go. Not ever. He doesn't pull away. Won't even try.

Ghoul leans in, pulling her closer, and suddenly his mouth is on hers. Careful. Don't hurt her. Softly... not too soft, just be careful.

It's hard to be careful with Anna.

There's times and places where kissing is appropriate. There's times and places where it's okay to just forget about anything that's going on and have a moment to yourselves. In the branches of a tree while the town slowly destroys itself isn't really the time or the place for that, but Anna doesn't much care about that right now.

When his lips meet hers there's no missing the little smile that touches the corners of her mouth, and she tightens the arm around him slightly, shifts in a little closer. She hadn't realised how much she really needed the comfort of closeness until that moment, but he's here and she's just so glad that he's okay. Not good, but they can work on that now that she knows. He's here, and she's so damn grateful for that.

So to hell with the right time and the right place. He's here, she's not going anywhere. She's not leaving him any time soon, not now that she knows what's happened to him, and if she's going to indulge in a creature comfort or two while there's even a few minutes of their lives where something bigger isn't driving a wedge between them.

She doesn't have to worry about being gentle for once, and it's just enough of a relief that she tugs him in a little closer and kisses just a little harder. The hand stays at his jaw though, gentle as her thumb grazes lightly against his cheek. Through it all, she's still smiling. Things are bad, but he's still here.

You're only in trouble if you get caught.

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