it's a blacked out blur

[greenisnteasy]

Who: Bruce and Tony
When: Day 71
Where: Their house
What: Now Bruce is back for real, and he needs to get the lowdown on the haps from Tony.

Bruce wakes up with a monumental case of cotton-brain and a throbbing behind his temples; it's like the worst hangover ever, only he knows he doesn't drink enough to get hangovers, and all his blackouts are from the Hulk. But he doesn't remember Hulking out either. Groaning quietly, he squints around the room to check where he is and to check the level of destruction, but since things seem to be mostly okay, he takes a minute to rub at his eyes and wait for his brain processes to start up again.

After a few minutes, he pushes himself up to a sitting position, waits for his head to stop swirling, and then climbs out of bed. No Tony, but he has to be around, right? Someone put him in bed and put his pants back on -- actually, maybe it wasn't Tony, in that case. He shuffles out into the front room, squinting into the light and leaning against the wall as he goes.

"Tony?" His voice sounds like he hasn't used it in ages.

Comments

[manofiron]

“Use what’s been turned into a glorified super-soldier serum to enhance my longevity? No.” In the interest of total transparency, and because he’s a terrible liar when it comes to the people that he cares about, Tony decides that leveling with him completely is better that trying to talk his way out of it. That has only ever ended badly for everyone involved.

“What I made my mind up to do was to find a way to ensure that I could stay with you. Which, by the way, I was hoping you would be happy about. Not angry or disappointed or disapproving or whatever this is.” It’s not that easy and he knows that there are other issues at work here, but if there’s ever been a more obvious expression of devotion, he doesn’t know what it is. And he thought it would be a good thing.

“Finding Extremis just made it so that I wouldn’t have to start from scratch. But I would have figured this out on my own.” A thought strikes and his eyes narrow. “And if you even for a second entertain the idea of tossing me out of your life to save me or some such stupid thing, forget it. I’ll do it anyway.”

[greenisnteasy]

"Why do you think I'd be happy with you altering your genetic code, screwing around with your DNA, and tempting fate to do something horrible to you? I don't care how much you've perfected it; this soldier serum has fucked up peoples' lives everywhere you look, and I wouldn't be surprised if this one killed you or worse."

Because Bruce knows sometimes dying is the better way to go. That Tony would think Bruce would want a symbol of devotion like this is actually enough to get him angry, and he pushes himself up from the couch, needing to distance himself, needing to gather his faculties and let himself be angry without being too angry, or they'll run into some problems.

"You really think this is something I'd want? Yes, of course I love you, and I'd like to be with you as long as that's possible, but Jesus, Tony. Can't you see how this is like me standing by to watch one of the worst things that ever happened to me, go and happen to you?"

[manofiron]

And now they’re fighting. He hates fighting. That’s why he doesn’t do it, why he gets up and walks away whenever it starts. Because he can’t stand it and inevitably, it ends with him saying or doing something he regrets. Anxiety coils in his stomach as he watches Bruce walk away, scratches up into his chest and makes him want to move. Walk or fidget, it doesn’t matter what. Just expend the energy that’s building inside of him before he lashes out.

“Then what am I supposed to do? Just get older? Be okay with that? Let the years go by, knowing that I’ll be leaving you behind? Is that it?”

It’s too close to too many wounds and it drives him to his feet, makes him put distance of his own between them simply because he needs to move and can’t resist the impulse anymore. He fetches up in the doorway of the kitchen, presses his back against it and glances at Bruce.

“Is that really what you want me to do?”

[greenisnteasy]

He could've handled Tony wanting to do this ridiculous, stupid thing, but that he wants to do it for Bruce, and that he thought Bruce would be happy that Tony is so devoted he would do this -- that's what's pissing him off because that's like... Jesus, does Tony listen to him? He knows he does, but how could he think this is something that Bruce would want? That he would encourage? He isn't nearly that selfish or self-serving, and he can be pretty self-interested.

"...yes." He holds his hands out. "Yes, Tony. I want you to get old. I want you to live your life the way you're supposed to because that's how much I love you. I know that's what you deserve."

He gestures to his body, points up at his hair. "It's not like we won't get old together. My body will probably die one day too, and the person you're looking at will probably cease to be."

[manofiron]

Death. Always death. It all comes back to that. Bruce talks about his death so easily, his own easier still. Like it's good. Like it's something to be anticipated with enthusiasm.

In his mind's eye, he sees himself reaching across empty air, too slow, too weak, too late to save Pepper before she fell into the fire. He sees Yinsen laying in his own blood, bleeding out from a dozen gunshot wounds. Jarvis. His parents. Coulson. So many dead because he's never been capable of saving them. And just like them, he sees Bruce fading with age, disappearing despite anything he might try to do to prevent it. Because death is all he's ever been able to give to anyone and Bruce is right. Why should he get to avoid paying the piper his due?

"Fine." It's bitten out, harsh and a little too loud to his ears. He takes a breath, wrestles back control of himself, and tries again. "Fine. If that's what you want, sure. Forget I said anything about it."

He's suffocating, unable to breathe, and he pushes away from the doorway, heading for the door that will take him outside into the fresh air.

[greenisnteasy]

Bruce lets out a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose, but he lets Tony go. They're both too upset to let this carry on, and Bruce Hulked out not that long ago; he doesn't need to let the rage build up and explode on him unexpectedly again. Maybe with some time to let this settle between them, they can see each other's position a little better. What he's mainly concerned about, though, is Tony really understanding what Bruce means. He says he gets it, but Bruce isn't so sure he really does, underneath.