kore_logs | hello, dean. what were you dreaming about?

It hurts to be freed, and then the absence of the hooks almost hurts too, like his body forgot how to work without being pinned in place. He leans hard on Cas, barely able to support himself, but Cas can hold him. Cas can save him, raise him back up from this place. Cas keeps saying he was late, but Dean knows what he was about to start doing, and Cas is saving him from that, too. All the torture, all the pain he inflicted, doesn't have to happen.

"Just in time." Both hands fisted loosely in his coat now, Dean can close his eyes and relax, be assured that everything will be okay now because Cas is going to take care of him.

"You stopped it. I didn't have to hurt anybody." His voice is raw, but the relief is plain in his voice. This is almost Dean's ideal solution to his worst nightmare, how he would've rewritten it if he could.

"I wouldn't allow you to be hurt, either, if I could help it."

The way Dean clings breaks his heart, even if there's some selfish enjoyment in the fact that Dean's grateful and clinging so tightly. They both have such a hard time asking for help or even accepting it when it's offered.

He looks around the space. "I'm afraid I'm not entirely sure how to leave, though, or how to heal you while we're here."

Dean's laid bare; he doesn't have a lot of pride or dignity left in him anymore, otherwise he wouldn't have been ready to join up with Alistair at all. He sucks in a breath and lifts his head, not letting go of Cas because he doesn't want to and because he doesn't trust his legs still. He looks around the room too, and then looks into Cas's eyes.

"Out the way you came, and then up." He curls his fingers tighter in his coat. "You got wings. Use 'em. Take us home, Cas."

Castiel nods and tightens his grip. It might hurt Dean, but it's the only way. He can feel his wings protesting this place and he summons everything he has.

Then he does the one thing that changed his life.

He grips Dean tight and raises him from perdition.

Moments later, they land near the gas station where Castiel first tried to speak to Dean.

"Dean?"

It does hurt, but no more than anything else that's been happening to him. For Dean, everything seems to go white, until he hides his face against Cas, and then the next thing he knows is that he's outside the gas station. Hell is so far away, and Cas is here, right here. Dean's still holding onto him, and his smile is tired but bright.

"You did it, Cas." He's quickly becoming exhausted, and he rests their foreheads together while he tries to catch his breath and find some kind of strength.

There's no smile on Castiel's lips, but he nods.

Dean is still torn apart and bloody and Castiel brings his hand up to touch Dean's temple, looking right into his eyes as he heals the damage. Dream or not, he knows that it feels real to Dean.

"Almost everyone else dreams of sex, but you dream of this."

Just like that, the pain's gone, and Dean can stand on his own two feet without risk of toppling over. He guesses that means he's supposed to let go now, which he does, though he doesn't really want to. He stays close; he still feels rattled, after all. Cas can heal him, but he can't heal everything that Hell damaged in him.

Cas says that, and Dean freezes, eyes narrowing as all the pieces connect. He wasn't in Hell for real. This is a dream. That helps, but it doesn't take away the fact that the panic and fear and relief he's been feeling has all been real.

"I dream about that too," he says before he looks away. The gas station is just like how it was; everything feels real, still, the detail so vivid, and Dean breathes in slowly, trying to exhale away how shaken he is still.

"You know this was the good version." He lets that sit there before he looks back, a little hesitant. "I was giving myself up, but you saved me from that."

"I wish I had saved you sooner, Dean." He doesn't mind Dean staying close. If he'd stepped away, Castiel likely would have followed.

He almost asks Dean who he dreams of. Meg, maybe? He thinks better of it, though. They're both still reeling from the vision of Hell and he's not sure he can handle the answer right now, anyway.

"And I wish I could have joined you in a happier dream."

There's nothing he can say about Cas wishing he'd saved Dean sooner. That would've been nice, yeah, but it didn't work out that way, and at least he saved him at all. What's done is done; he's glad that he's out of there, and he's glad it was Cas who saved him, doesn't matter when it happened.

Cas should know who Dean dreams about when he has those dreams, or at least who he might've dreamt about if it hadn't cut off. That's... That still has to be leftover from the whole species thing. His mind's fixating on it because it's weird and new, that's all.

"We can't all dream about sitcoms." He watches Cas as he says it and for a few seconds after too, but he doesn't want to talk about it either. He looks around him again, licking over his lips, and then he nods.

"Come on." He waves for Cas to follow him, and he heads toward the gas station, meaning to walk around to the other side.

Castiel can actually feel his face get warm. Is that... did he just blush? He supposes that had been his dream. He'd had it with several people, but it had only gone that way with one...

"That was your fault." He realizes what he'd just said. "Because you introduced me to TV."

Trailing after Dean, he almost wants to ask if that was his dream or if Dean really had... felt that way, at least about Castiel being with someone. He certainly feels that way about Dean, not that he'd voice that.

"Where are we going?"

Dean lifts an eyebrow when Cas blames him. If Dean acts cool about it, then it must be cool. Maybe? Right? Cas is blushing, and that's doing something weird to Dean, so he brushes it off and refocuses on what he's trying to do. He would deny that he feels the same way as he did in the dream, mostly to save face. He's handling Cas and Meg like a champ, by which he means he's barely accepted it, but it still pisses him off when he thinks about it.

"Not Bel Air." He was pretty frustrated when that dream ended early, but it's not like he could -- why would he even want to recreate it now? They're both aware of what's going on. That's not something he wants to share.

They round the corner, and behind the gas station, instead of a whole lot of nothing, there's a small lake with a little pier and two chairs. Ha! He totally did it.

"This better?" he asks, grinning.

The dream is familiar and Castiel smiles at him. "Much."

With a happy sigh, he speeds his pace, heading for the end of the dock.

There's a calm, cool breeze. If anything, this is the opposite of Hell. In some ways, this is his favorite Heaven now.

He looks over his shoulder at Dean, almost reaching back for him before realizing what he's doing and dropping the arm.

"I didn't think you would remember this."

Cas looks really happy, and that more than anything makes Dean smile, half-keeping it to himself as he trails after him. That smile flickers when Cas reaches for him but gives up. What kind of dance are they doing these days? He keeps asking himself that but never really wants to answer it. This should be enough.

"Not much detail to it. Lake, fishing. You, looking freaked." There, that's something that Dean can squeeze Cas's shoulder for as he walks to the end of the dock. The tackle box is there, and so are two fishing poles, but he stands there first, enjoying the breeze and the quiet, the sense of security and peace that makes up the origin for this dream. It makes sense that this is the one Cas crashed back then.

"Had to remember so we could find you."

"I have faith that you'll always find me, Dean." He likes that feeling, because he knows he's not going to hide from Dean, not again, and he knows that Dean can do the impossible and that Dean fights for the people he cares about. Castiel is blessed to be numbered among them.

He stands close, shoulder brushing Dean's. "I'm not... freaked. I like it here." He likes being with Dean in such a peaceful place. It's rare.

He looks over, studying him, because Cas has to be talking about when Dean couldn't find him because Cas ran out on him instead of staying and letting Dean help.

Used to be Dean enforced his personal space bubble around Cas, but that's gone out the window lately, the more Dean's needed reassurance that Cas was there, and the more he let himself need that. When he feels Cas brush up next to him though, the first thing that pops into his mind maybe isn't the nicest. But it sounds like the best idea.

He nods, turning again to look back out at the water.

"Unless you can't swim," he says, and that's all the warning he'll give before he nudges Cas hard, trying to push him into the lake.

Castiel stumbles a step and then suddenly the dock isn't beneath his feet anymore.

For a moment, there's splashing a sputtering and then Castiel manages to stay afloat a little easier.

"Dean!"

He grabs the edge of the dock and pulls himself up enough to get a grip on Dean's ankle. Then he pulls hard.

Cas is strong as crap, so Dean finds himself in the water pretty quick. He has a little more time to prepare than Cas, but he still comes up sputtering. That was still hilarious though, and he grins at Cas as he relaxes in the water.

"What? You said you wanted something happier. I'm thrilled. What about you?" He splashes at Cas lightly.

This is... really what he needed though. Hell still burns fresh and hot, and he wants to get rid of those crawling thoughts, that edge of fear and pain still holding onto him. This place was a good idea, mood-wise, but he's not sure sitting still and fishing would really do anything to calm him.

Watching Cas look like a... drowning accountant is a bit better.

Dean gets a glare and an abortive splash to his face and then Castiel's face breaks off into a smile.

"Dean... This is a happy memory for you." It's not a question.

He swims closer, difficult as that is with his huge coat. They're alone here, away from friends and enemies alike--away from Heaven and Hell.

Backing Dean towards the dock, he's almost overwhelmed with the thought that even if he hadn't been in this dream, Dean's happy dream is related to him and he might have been here as part of the dream, anyway. That's what he means to Dean and that thought amazes him.

He keeps moving in until Dean's back brushes the edge of the dock and he reaches up to hold part of it next to Dean's head.

It would be so easy to lean in and finish that other dream.

So easy.

But it's not what Dean would want and this dream is about him, so at the last minute, Castiel grabs Dean's shoulder and pushes him under before kicking off the dock and swimming away.

Obviously it's a happy memory. That was the whole point, right? But Dean's snappy remark is cut short by Cas moving in closer. He's watching Cas, a question in his eyes, until he's got Dean all the way with his back against the dock and his arm almost pinning Dean there.

What's not happy about this place? It's quiet, and it is far from Heaven and Hell and everyone know they know, good or bad. Dean knows he could never be the kind of person who could be still long enough to even have a real life favorite fishing spot, but in a dream, that's different. And sometimes, yeah, Cas is here. Sometimes he's here and he doesn't run off scared. Sometimes they sit here and talk. He had that dream a lot when he thought Cas was gone for good.

His eyes widen, his lips parted more from surprise than anything because everything seems to have stilled except the water making a quiet noise against the dock, and Dean thinks Cas is going to kiss him.

Before Dean's even had time to decide if that's what's happening and what he was going to do about it, he's underwater and his lungs burn a little and he comes up coughing. So it was a trick, right? Cas did that to get Dean under the water. He watches after him, panting a bit, and then he shakes his head and starts swimming after Cas because oh, he is going to get it.

He grabs the back of his coat and pulls him back, trying to dunk him under, grinning all the while.

Castiel flails his arms at Dean, sputtering in the water. It's more physical reaction than any real fear. It's a dream and he's an angel.

Knowing that, he turns to grab Dean, gripping him tight and... attempting to drown them both for a moment.

Under the water, he finds that if he stops thinking about breathing, he stops feeling it. Shaking Dean gently, he opens his eyes and tries to get Dean to do the same.

Roughhousing with an angel is really different from his brother, even when Sam hit his growth spurt, but Dean's enjoying himself even when he finds himself underwater. His lungs are hungry for air, but he opens his eyes when Cas starts to shake him. His eyes seem even bluer down here, which is a pretty big accomplishment, considering.

Oh. He doesn't really care about breathing anymore. He grins slowly, and then tugs on Cas's tie, half to confirm and half because he's feeling playful now, giddy, giddier than normal but who wouldn't be after being pulled out of their worst nightmare?

He slides his hand down Cas's arm to get a grip on his sleeve, and then tugs. Might as well see what's on the bottom, or if they can get there, right? And if something happened, Cas would save him. Or Dean would save Cas.

Smiling back, Castiel swims downward with Dean.

At first, they pass small fish, but as they swim lower, they start to see strange deep-water fish and then things that Castiel knows for a fact aren't real at all. Eventually they pass a large-breasted mermaid and Castiel rolls his eyes at Dean.

That's what he spots a rusty old crate and he starts to steer them towards it.

The fish are cool, but Dean stops when the mermaid goes back, watching her all the way until Castiel has to get his attention again. What? It's his dream; he can stare if he wants to.

He spots the crate once Cas angles them toward it, and he wonders how he can be in his own dream in his own subconscious and not even know what's in there completely. If he decides it's treasure, is it going to be treasure? Only one way to find out, he guesses.

Once they reach it, he fumbles with the rusty lock until he kicks it loose and opens the lid. There is definitely treasure in there, the typical dubloony stuff from pirate movies, and Dean's hand hovers over the amulet Sam gave him, lying right on top, before he passes over it to pick up some weird looking coin. Bobby's flask is poking out of the side, but he leaves that there, too.

Instead, he nudges Cas's side and tries to show him the coin because it's got Johnny Depp's face on it and his dream-self is really detailed.

Castiel has no idea who the face on the coin is, but it's obviously relevant to Dean, so he smiles indulgently, Hell forgotten when he sees Dean's face looking like that.

He reaches for the treasure, fingers skimming the flask and familiar amulet. He's surprised there are any coins at all, because he knows that Dean values these things far more than money.

The coins are almost buoyant, as if something under them is catching the slightest hint of current. He pushes a few of them out of the way and there's a familiar color, tattered and stained, underneath.

It's his coat.

Oh.

He turns his head to look at Dean, not quite able to hide the surprise on his face. Dean always says that they're family and he doesn't not believe Dean, but it's hard to believe that he's important enough to be included with all of these things.

But then Dean kept his coat in the trunk of the Impala when he thought Castiel was dead. He fought through Purgatory to find Castiel and Castiel is once again reminded that he should have more faith in Dean.

Licking his lips, he grips the front of Dean's coat, pulling him closer in the water with gentle insistence.

Before he can lose the nerve, he leans in to press his lips to Dean's, almost chaste save for the memory of being a succubus hanging in his mind.

The coins are there because gold coins go in treasure chests, but also because he can't look at a lot of the stuff in here without feeling everything, and it's easier to obscure them with other stuff. When Cas starts to pull out the coat, Dean stops, jaw clenching, but then tries to shrug it all off. It doesn't really work, so much; his eyes are on Cas even if he'd rather make himself look somewhere else.

What surprises him most is the surprise on Cas's face. How could Cas not know how much he means to Dean? He's a dick to Cas sometimes -- sometimes a monumental dick -- but it comes down to how much Dean cares about him. When he's reminded of that, he tends to lash out harshly, push back hard, because it hurts too much and he doesn't know how to deal with that or show it. He shouldn't show it.

Except he carried that coat around for a year, and he tore his way through Purgatory looking for Cas, and he doesn't regret a second of that. He needs Cas; he cares about him, and he doesn't know what to do to get that through the stupid angel's head and to make it stick.

At least, he doesn't know until Cas is pulling him closer. They've been dancing around this since that first incubus kiss, and maybe this is the answer. Maybe this has been the answer this whole time, and that's why Dean was so pissed about the incubus thing in the first place. He couldn't help Cas, but he also couldn't see that he wanted to.

He's ready for Cas when he leans in, even if his heart is racing and he's scared, but it's not the kind of fear that he wants to listen to anymore. He closes his eyes and lays a hand on Cas's arm, and he kisses him back gently.

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happytobleed - 2013-07-21 01:27 (UTC) - Expand

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venatical - 2013-07-22 03:36 (UTC) - Expand