kore_logs | Taking over this town, they should worry;

Who: Jo Harvelle & Dean Winchester
What: They have a little catching up to do, recent events to discuss and some issues to sort out.
Where: The diner.
When: Day 97, afternoon.
Warnings: None so far!

The invitation she'd extended had been brief and to the point. "Whatever you're doing, take a break. Come and meet me at the diner." She'd given him a hard time when they had initially talked about her working a few shifts in the kitchen, eager to do her part to help out but not about to let him get away with making off-color jokes about sandwiches. The food budget, so to speak, was getting noticeably tighter and everyone had to tighten their belts a little in turn, but nonetheless she'd managed to be resourceful and put together a pretty damn respectable lunch for the two of them, which now sat on a table along the far wall.

She helped herself to a seat facing the door, propping her feet up on the opposite side of the booth as she waited, two glasses and a single bottle of the stuff Ellen had managed to get out of the still and have sufficiently tested sitting beside their plates. Things had been tense between Jo and Dean since her arrival, even though they both made efforts to skirt around it as best they could -- but there was a lot to talk about, and Jo had found that there were few conversations that weren't improved by a little booze, especially if Dean was involved.

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He isn't sure what she's gearing up to say, but he's sure he isn't going to like it, whatever it is. Turns out his hunch was right, and Dean looks up, stricken by her words. Not even Dean's thick armor can keep that out of his face; really, there comes a point when Dean starts to feel so much that even he can't hide it. If Dean's close to having a superpower, hiding his feelings would be it, but some people know how to hack in, or some people know the right thing to say to bring it out of him. Cas is a big one. Sam, sometimes. And Jo. Jo somehow always knows how to get right at the heart of him.

"It's not like that at all, Jo," he says, his voice small and tight. "Everyone's gone. Everyone. Dad, you and Ellen, Bobby, Chuck vanished. We met my mom's dad, his part of the family -- all assholes, and all dead now." Lisa, Ben. He bites his lip, holding them back, because Dean still can't really talk about them.

"I've had to let go of anyone I ever knew, ever cared about. And then I got sent to purgatory, and you know who was there for me? Had my back the whole time, and even after, even topside? A vampire. And it didn't matter. It didn't matter to me what he was because he was there." Dean stops, clenching his jaw, and he finally looks away from her eyes.

"Jo, I have more room for you now than I ever have. Please. Please don't be another person who walks away from me. And please don't make me have to walk away from anyone else. I'm... I'm tired."

"I'm not walking away."

She leans back in her seat, pressing the heel of her hand to her forehead before putting both hands over her eyes, exhaling slowly to center herself. No. She's not going to cry. Absolutely not, even though the tone of the conversation seems to demand it. She refuses.

But it's different. Even considering what he said about the vampire, it's different. A part of her hated Meg for what she was, yes, but it was more than that. It was for what she'd done. Who she'd served and who's name she'd killed people in. She only knew a tiny fraction of what Meg's history with the Winchesters was, but if she'd known the rest, she would have been even more opposed.

One or two good deeds in desperate times did not redeem someone, especially if you were hearing about it secondhand.

She rubs at one of her eyes before lowering her hands, her expression as resolute as ever. "But it's never going to be the same again, is it? You know it's not."

It can't be.

Jo looking like she's about to cry has Dean needing to look away too; he doesn't think he's as close to the tears as Jo maybe is, but he can feel that sadness welling up in him. He gets why this is so difficult, and he doesn't always really understand what he's doing either. Meg is who she is, and she did what she did, and Dean somehow found a way to be okay with that.

Maybe it's because he can't even remember all the faces of the people he tortured in Hell. Oh, he remembers some, but there were times in between, times he can only remember the methods, the new things he tried. But not their faces. Maybe it's because when he was in purgatory, and he and that place just... clicked, that was when he accepted he wasn't so different from someone like Benny. Maybe even from someone like Meg.

Or maybe it was getting over Cas's betrayal that paved the way for him to get over other peoples'.

He starts to nod first, his eyes staring at a spot on the table, before he lifts them up to her.

"I know. I've changed, Jo. I know that."

"I know it's to be expected. It's been a long time, but..."

But there were just some things she didn't think she'd ever see him do. Be pals with a demon was one of them. Be pals with a demon he'd had such a bloodstained history with was right near the top of the list, just under selling the Impala or breaking her down for scrap metal. It just wasn't supposed to be this way.

She sighs heavily, pursing her lips as she centers herself and tries to find a way to articulate what makes this so difficult. That feeling of betrayal is still there, and she imagines it's not going anywhere anytime soon, but there's something more. A disconnect between them, a sadness that dragged her heart down into her stomach whenever she saw just how animated he was with people who had come long after her time.

"I don't really know how to deal with it," she says finally, confessing. "Being so far behind. It's like I got left behind and I'm never gonna catch up, even if we're all in the same place. It's strange, being faced with the evidence that you're just... not part of someone's future. I mean, normally, I'd just be dead, wouldn't I? And I wouldn't care then. It wouldn't feel so wrong. I'd be where I'm supposed to be, I guess. But this place complicates things."

And there's a lot that happened in the middle that Dean has a hard time talking about. What he made Ben do when Lisa was going to die from that demon; what he almost did to Lisa when he was turning into a vampire. What Cas did when he sucked up all those souls, taking out the wall in Sam's head, killing all those people. It took him a while to learn how to get over what Cas did, but he got there, he thinks. Liking Meg is part of that. He doesn't know how to explain any of that to her and have it fix anything, so maybe he just shouldn't say anything.

Because he can't solve that problem, if that's what's really bugging her, and he can't see a way around that. He sighs, hanging his head, tapping his finger against the table, and then he comes up shaking his head.

"I know what you mean. There've been times... I was gone somewhere and came back, and Sam would seem so different, you know?" When he went to Hell, or when Sam came back without his soul, and then Purgatory.

"And that was just one year. Knocked me for a loop every time. I didn't know what to think about him for a long time. You know, this is what he would be if I wasn't around?" He lets that hang kind of awkwardly, and then he makes a face. "He'd put an iPod thing in my car?"

He calms down again, still holding onto a part of that smile, if only to try to lighten the mood at least a little.

"I can't imagine what it's like to see how much has changed all at once."

"It's surreal," Jo admits, and though it's hard, she manages a small smile in reply, attempting to mirror his own. "Feels like it can't really be happening. I still remember how those injuries felt. I remember waiting to pull the trigger. Being here at all is like -- well, not a dream. A nightmare, sometimes. But seeing how everything has changed... sometimes it doesn't feel real, but then it sinks in and everything hits all at once and it just--"

She cuts herself off and sighs, giving him a straightforward look, pained without being angry. "It hurts."

"I get that, Jo, and I'm sorry." He wishes there was something else he could do, but... Back home, maybe he could walk away from Meg like what he did with Benny. This place is small, though, and where's he going to go? Where's she going to go? And if they're going to all be here, then he'd rather try to hope that maybe one day they could get along. Or at least Jo and Ellen can get along with Dean getting along with Meg.

"I wish I knew what to tell you. You can't make up for what you missed, but you do get a chance to... start over." Redemption, rebirth. It's the schtick Dean's been trying out lately, and so far it's mostly only hurt the people he's closest to.

"Start over." Her tone is wry as she echoes him, doubting. It's a nice idea, in theory. If there's a silver lining to this place, it's that it offers people that opportunity -- a fresh start, even if the circumstances are lousy, but it's so much easier said than done. It's hard to start over when the people you feel like you should be able to depend on have moved past you in such a way that there was just no going back.

Starting over would be exactly what it was, in the truest sense of the word. Starting over from square one, with nothing.

She grimaces as she pushes herself away from the table, sliding out of the booth. "I'm just going to -- I'm going to see if mom needs help at the bar."

Because if she's being honest with herself, staying here much longer isn't going to lend itself well to helping her keep up her resolve face.

Taking over this town, they should worry;

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