kore_logs | An overflow of guilt

Who: the Doctor, Mina
When: Day 104
Where: Mina's house
What: Feeling useless and full of guilt, the Doctor thinks he doesn't need anyone.
Warning: Will update when need to.

The Doctor had spent the entire previous day with Donna, concerned for her safety, and determined to do anything for her after a far too eventful day of near drowning with the sea monster. "The king of Sea Devils..." He commented, although the actual Sea Devils didn't have tentacles and were related to creatures that inhabited the earth long before humans, but that was a story for another time.

Around noon, Donna seemed to be perking back up and moving about and convinced him to go home to sleep some, but he wasn't tired. He was plain simply loaded with guilt and one of very few occasions, felt his age. Ancient, horribly unclever, and useless.

Sitting on the porch step of his house, he watched his worn brown suit blow in the wind as it dried. Clad in trousers and a clean button down shirt he hadn't bothered to button all the way, he finally slipped on his trainers and rummaged through his stuff, making a small pile of items that belonged to Mina - a couple books, another shirt he had meant to return, and a mug.

When evening came and the house became dark, he found his way to Mina's and knocked on her door. When she answered, he cleared his throat, "I have some stuff to return."

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"Good thing that's my name, eh!?" He grins, turning his head to place a kiss.

"I'll stay for as long as you want me to. I like... being with you." Said freehand dug fingers through her hair, entangling in the wet strands as traced his lips down her neck and faintly presses kisses there.

At the moment, Mina was seriously entertaining the notion of just keeping him. He was far more affectionate than any pet or man she'd had. Seemed a bit silly to compare the two. And unnecessarily rude.

Instead, she grabbed the top sheet of the bed, pulling it sharply so that it fell over both of their heads. Only a thin, gold light filtered through. Like something out of a dream.

"What if I never let you out, hmmm?"

"I think we can work something out when the time comes." He pushes up, meeting her gaze with his own.

And at the moment, he couldn't imagine leaving right now anyhow. It was horribly romantic and intimate of him acting like this. It wasn't his usual style, but then Mina was so very different from anyone he's ever spent time with.

He lingered, studying her features a moment longer before fingers started tracing her collarbones and moved down to her right hip.

It was at once both romantic and a little unnerving to be under such close scrutiny. For all of her bluster and swagger, Mina was a little insecure about the way she looked. At least without her trappings. She could play a dramatic and dashing pirate king easily enough, but the role of a more intimate sort of companion...well...she felt grossly inadequate.

Perhaps more so because of the Master's idle chatter about the Doctor's experience with earth girls.

Not that Mina would ever own up to that.

"Well," she said, watching him from under half-lidded eyes, "I'm certainly open to negotiations."

"Brilliant! I love negotiations." He picks up on the faint display of insecurity, but doesn't voice it. It wasn't worth bringing attention to it, nor did he ever want to make her more uncomfortable. Funny enough, he missed all this when in her mind, but it wasn't something he was actively looking for.

Humans and their silly insecurities, though if he really thought about it, there might be some present within himself, but it was nothing physically present.

Thick or uninterested?

Mina laughed as she coiled her arm around his neck and pulled him down for another kiss. This one was hotter. Spicier. Just a little bit more than excited.

Too preoccupied in playing around with her nerve endings and maybe a bit thick on top of that.

The Doctor wanted to be able to protect her from all the happenings here. Perhaps he was the bigger fool, thinking he was useful and could make a difference while she stayed out of danger and as far as he was aware, unharmed. It was always him causing problems, wasn't it?

But he wanted to offer her something, closeness, calmness, something to look forward to. He tried his best to convey this in his actions, moving slow and appreciating every inch of her as possible. He didn't think it was possible to ask for forgiveness for his brash behavior and manic-made ideas in the heat of the moment. It had always worked in the past; he expected them to work now, but he was starting to see that wasn't possible. At least he really meant it when he wanted to make love and show his appreciation. Was she able to see that in his actions?

After awhile, Mina stopped trying to interpret every little thing. It was hard for her to do. She'd always been a little bit too clever for her own good. And often found herself around people who didn't quite see the world the way that she did; couldn't see it that way. But moments where she could actually just stop. They were rare. And primal.

Oddly human.

For the time being, though, Mina enjoyed simply being a creature purely of sensation. Vulnerable throat and all.

Her first real thought, when she started to think again, was how odd the rhythm of his hearts felt against her skin.

After all was said and done, the Doctor remained tangled up against her with his cheek pressed to her shoulder and fingers tracing a pattern along the underside of one of her arms.

"You're beautiful. I can tell you haven't heard it enough, but it's true." He was feeling very honest right now, perhaps as a result post ecstasy of feeling completely sated, both mind and spirit. "Even when you're trying to mask yourself as a man."

Mina looked at him in surprise. Well, she tried to look at him. The way they clung to one another was incredibly comfortable and she didn't especially want to move all that much.

Still. His surprising statement warranted some kind of response.

But what?

Sarcasm. It was always her last line of defense, really. "Men say the strangest things in a post-coital haze," she mumbled. Which was true enough, regardless of what he'd said.

"True." He happened to agree with her, "But I thought it even before I shared a bed with you. Even back in the church when you kissed me and I hadn't a clue what you were doing, well, not that you were planning anything, I thought it."

Mina should recognize this was hard for him. He's already said more to her about himself than any of his previous companions, including Rose. Perhaps it was the domestic part of him being stuck.

"Don't doubt yourself."

She smiled absently, winding her fingers up in his hair. Mina, of course, did not particularly agree with his assessment. But she didn't want to turn it into an argument. There was something about beautiful girls who denied their looks simply because they wanted compliments that irritated Mina. Certainly, she didn't want to sound like one of them.

Although she certainly didn't think she was one.

"I rarely doubt myself," she replied. "That's why I always make such stupid and foolhardy decisions." There was a smile accompanying that. As delicate as she knew her ego was, she could joke about it.

Her fingers trailed down the side of his face. "You're an extraordinary man, you know."

"Mm, yup!" Always the subtle one, he grins while staying pressed up against her, completely content.

It had been a long time since he had been this intimate with someone, and remaining so close to Mina felt both foreign, unsettling, and peaceful all at the same time and not necessarily in that order. "Can we... just stay like this for a little longer?" He wasn't tired, despite closing his eyes. It was perhaps the first time since his manic episode and nearly destroying the town that he felt at ease, and a rare moment where he didn't feel the need to run.

The cells of Mina's skin were vibrating. The signal of a new day. The sun was starting to rise.

She closed her eyes, tucking her head under his chin. "As long as you like," she told him, pressing a kiss against his chest with the side of her mouth. "Just don't do anything clever with my hair when I fall asleep."

"Just you wait. In the 1980s, Mohawks were quite the thing for women." He teased, easing up as she drifted off to sleep.

Perhaps it should be weird that she was, for all intents and purposes, dead next to him when the sun rose, but he had grown used to it the few times he had stayed for this or watched her fall asleep. She looked content, which most likely made the situation easier on him.

"Sleep well."

An overflow of guilt

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