kore_logs | can i make it better, with the lights turned on

Who: Jo Harvelle and Sam Winchester
What: Some strolls through the forest, and serious talk times. Also hunting.
When: Afternoon of Day 117
Where: The park

Sam's got a few things on his mind. Maybe a few is being nice - he's got a veritable crapload on his mind. Just as he was starting to find his feet in this place, they've got Michael and Crowley appearing out of thin air.

Crowley isn't so much someone to worry about as someone to watch, and Sam's had a few years keeping an eye on the guy to not be too worried. It's still just one more issue on a laundry list of troubles in Cape Kore, at least in his mind.

Michael's arrival, though, had really thrown him. He'd learned about Lucifer's previous stay from Balthazar, and he had imagined if anyone was going to appear, it would be the Devil. Sam's actually been preparing himself for it a little, making sure he wouldn't be caught off guard. The arrival of the other archangel, though, was not something Sam had been expecting.

He should have known better, in hindsight. It's Murphy's Law all over the place here, and of course it would apply to anyone who gets dragged here.

Sam needed to get out of the house, away from things for a little bit. That's when he contacted Jo, remembering his request for her to take him out hunting sometime. Now would be the perfect opportunity to get out there and away from the middle of this circus he found himself a part of.

Reaching the park first, Sam takes a seat on one of the tables, pulling out his gun to make sure it was loaded with the safety on. He didn't want to waste any bullets, and he might be a little quick to shoot first considering how shot his nerves felt. It's a small task, but one he focuses on so much he doesn't hear when Jo approaches until he's got the gun safely tucked in the waistband of his jeans.

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Finding the silver lining is something Sam himself tries to keep in mind, but even he has grown a little too cynical for his liking over time. Not that anyone can blame him, seriously. He's seen a lot in his life, more than anyone could ever imagine. Dealing with that, really dealing with it...it's something he should do.

"Maybe." He looks thoughtful, not even sure where to begin. "Maybe you're right. Too bad we don't have a couple of therapists around, I'm sure we could all use a session or two."

There have been times where he's considered it - going to someone, talking out what's going on inside him. The only problem is he would be thrown into a hospital quicker than he could blink.

Sam can't deny the relief he'd felt that time he and Dean had themselves committed to follow through on a hunt. It was like confession, in a sense.

"But what about you?" The topic of her and her mother's death isn't something they've touched on a lot. Just seeing them both, and then his own state, was distraction enough. "I know how hard it can be to...you know. Deal." There's a tree close enough that he takes two steps over, leaning against it with all thought of hunting forgotten. "Not everyone can come back from the dead and be able to tell the tale."

It's his way of prodding her a little, making totally sure that she's okay.

She smiles grimly, though her eyes tell a different story. It's something that's been on her mind ever since she got here, her own end as well as her mother's. How could either one of them forget? Everyone was so desperate to go home, and she couldn't say she was all that eager to put own roots here, either, but-- what was there to go back to?

She wouldn't even have a grave. She was a pile of ashes, at best. A scorch mark. Not even enough to bury. Sure, that was just her body. She would go elsewhere, but... life as she'd known it was over.

"It's hard," she admits, folding her arms over her chest to close herself off, though she was willing to talk. To him, at least. It wasn't an easy subject to broach with anyone, and she and Ellen had both avoided talking about it as much as possible. But Sam understood, didn't he?

He'd been there, after all. More than once.

"Most of the people here are reminders that even after I'm gone-- everyone else goes on and has a future. And that's great. I didn't expect time to stop just because I wasn't there to keep up with it anymore, but it's hard to feel left behind all the time."

Forgotten. Replaced.

Sam can understand her feelings, even if he's died and been brought back more times than he cares to count. Though (so far) he's returned from death every time, that doesn't mean he doesn't feel left behind or even replaced.

He's quiet for a moment, reflecting on that to himself. When Dean was in purgatory and Sam did his best to move on, it had been hard, on a level that even throwing Lucifer back in the cage can't touch. Sam was alone, truly alone, and though that's all he wished for when he was younger, now it's the last thing he wants.

Does that make him co-dependent? A little. Hard not to be when his entire family has been taken apart by demons and angels alike.

"It is hard. It's not something you ever have to be okay with, though. I think you're entitled to feel that way, since it was just..." Here he trails off a bit, the memory of her and Ellen's death flashing through his mind. "It was too soon for you. For both of you. Seems to be a pattern when it comes to friends of ours."

In some ways, yes, Sam feels like it's his fault for letting them die. And on some level, he knows Dean feels the same. That ever present guilt, just for being Winchesters. The brothers handle it in different ways, but it's always there.

'Too soon' was a nice way of putting it. It hadn't been long at all since Carthage, from her perspective. A couple of months at best, maybe a little longer. It was tough to keep track of time here. There were more things to worry about than keeping an eye on the calendar.

"It's nice to hear," she admits after a moment, shifting her weight uncomfortably. She hates that she feels like she needs validation, but it's hard when people seem to just expect her to get over it. She smiles grimly, tired but appreciative. "You know, I think you're the only one on our side."

And that wasn't how it should have been. They were family. Family was supposed to look out for each other, but-- well. She was glad Sam seemed to understand. They needed that. She needed that.

Someone who understood how hard this all was.

"Come on." She quickly looks away from him, eager to change the topic, despite how necessary talking had been. "We should go do what we came here to do."

It's Sam's turn to shift his weight, looking off in the woods at her words. He can't argue with her, though he knows Dean will always be on Jo and Ellen's side. He's just got some...complications. He knows he can't judge his brother, considering his own past.

"Yeah." He shakes his head, as if to clear it. It seems to be so easy to get distracted lately, especially when he's around Jo. His attention usually focuses wholly on her, and he's not sure if it's because of her death (and subsequent return in Kore) or if there's something else there.

Checking his gun, he nods at her and starts forward, keeping his eyes open and trying to clear his mind of everything else but the hunt at hand.

can i make it better, with the lights turned on

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Wrapping this one up if that's okay! <3

just fine with me <3