kore_logs | I'd be dancing with your ghost

Dean sees Kevin's message over the network and replies to it on his way back to his room, and Kevin updates him on the situation before he gets there, at least as far as how he's settled in there now in Cas's room. That's good for now, though he's worried about what the archangels are going to do, if anything. He'll have to ask Chuck about that. And hell, maybe he should introduce them.

He hasn't exactly been seeking out Cas's company either. After Charlie disappeared, Dean went to Meg for comfort because what if Cas was next? What if it was Sam? And then it was Sam, and the idea of losing another person so close to him made it hard for Dean to be around him without just... preemptively hurting. He's picked up on the fact that Cas is doing his fair share of avoiding too, though, and he hasn't been able to ask why.

When he walks in, he's almost surprised to find Cas there.

"Hey." He glances around the suite. "I heard from Kevin. He told me you put him up in your room."

"He says that I'm still alive." The thought has been flitting around in his head so much that he says it quickly before he even bothers with a greeting or an explanation.

After a moment, he looks up, eyes settling on Dean.

"Dean, I'm alive."

With a heavy breath, he pushes himself to stand. Kevin had said that he's human now and that's somewhat frightening, but it's still something. He's still here and he can still do whatever he can to fix his mistakes and to keep Dean safe.

He's still working through his surprise over seeing Cas at all, let alone seeing him this happy, that he's already half-smiling before Cas gives him the news. Then he's really smiling. He'd had no idea, and seeing Sam the way he is, thinking about how he'd have to find a way to keep Sam alive while maybe not having Cas around -- they weren't good thoughts. He knows that he's tired of losing the people he cares about, and all he wants to do is cling to them all.

"Awesome," he says, coming closer, until he's in front of Cas. And then he isn't sure what to say, or what to do. They'd hit a plane of near-normality that'd kind of vanished when they drifted apart again.

"You're one resilient little guy."

Castiel's hand comes up to rest on Dean's shoulder, squeezing gently.

"I'm going to find a way to fix all of this and we'll do what we have to do to help Sam." He has to believe in this, because there isn't much else left and there aren't any other options. The angels need to be in Heaven and Sam needs to be okay.

His faith has been so shaken lately, but the news has given him some measure of optimism, even if it's likely temporary.

They make a good pair then because Dean's also determined to believe that. The touch to his shoulder has his smile softening, and he sets his hand on Cas's hip in return. It's good to see Cas so happy, on top of knowing that if they ever get back home, Dean will get to see him again.

"You don't have to do anything alone, Cas. We'll fix everything together. All the angels, Sam... We'll get it figured out."

Castiel still doesn't think it should be Dean's job to clean up his messes. He deserves so much more and later Castiel will be left with a nagging feeling that he's ruined Dean's life even more every time he's taken any action, but for now he simply feels touched by Dean's gesture and he's reminded of Dean's words back on the Cape.

Dean loves him.

Without even thinking, he leans forward to kiss Dean. It's soft and slow and lingering, far more about affection than anything.

Considering how not into being alive Cas has been recently -- calling them punishment resurrections, and then what he told Dean back in that motel -- it's good to see him so relieved, so excited about it. It makes Dean believe that there wouldn't be a repeat Purgatory, that he'd fight and wouldn't let himself get left behind again. Yeah, Dean does love him, and it's weird to think that he said them; can't even remember the last time he ever said them to anyone, but he doesn't regret them.

He tenses at first when Cas kisses him, but then he closes his eyes and smiles into it, drawing Cas a little closer.

Cas is family, and obviously something more than that to Dean now, which means that it is Dean's job to clean up Cas's messes, but not just that; they should do it together, as a unit, as a family. Nothing wrong with that.

When the kiss ends, he's smiling, and he doesn't back up out of his space.

"It's good to see you so excited..." ...about being alive. Dean changes sentence midstream. "About something. You've seemed kind of... off, with everything going on around here."

Castiel is more excited about being able to clean his own mess than anything, save maybe for Dean. He's excited for Dean--for being there with him and being able to protect him the way he should have in the first place.

He doesn't know how to feel about anything anymore and even his feelings about himself are conflicted. Dean is his only constant, the only thing left that can't be a bad thing in his life and the only thing left that he can have faith in.

Even as the other angels seem to have no idea what love is--as they tear each other apart in the name of it--Castiel is sure that it's what he's feeling right now for Dean.

"Things haven't been... easy."

"That's for sure." Charlie and Sam disappearing, people flipping out on each other? Dean hasn't been enjoying things lately either. He squeezes Cas's hip and then moves away, toward the couch, his body language nothing but one big open invitation for Cas to join him.

He's jittery about being here with him because so much of this is still new to him, but he wants to be with Cas too, and especially after things got weird. He knows it wasn't because of anything between them, just a bunch of outside circumstances, and he wants to try to fix that now.

"Sam's back too. Did you see? And Charlie." And now Kevin. As much as he doesn't want them trapped here, it's... good to be surrounded by his family.

"I did." Castiel follows; he would have even if Dean hadn't implied that he should. He settles on the couch next to Dean, still a little stiff, but that's more just in how he carries himself than any awkward feelings.

Maybe this means they aren't going to talk about any of it. That's fine with him. If Dean wants to discuss it, he won't resist, but he doesn't want to discuss it himself.

He's not sure what else to say and he knows that this is part of why he's been avoiding Dean. How can he tell him that he'd been hallucinating or that he'd been afraid that he would hurt Dean? There's no explanation for any of it that makes it okay.

He edges a little closer to Cas, and he studies him, eyes sweeping over his face. No, he's not likely to get away that easy from his little admission back there. Dean's just working up the nerve to get there because asking about feelings isn't the easiest thing in the world for him to do.

"What's been going on, Cas?" He's been giving him space, but he probably should've been tailing after him to make him ask Dean for help. Cas really sucks at that.

"I think... I may have been seeing things." Anna. Balthazar. Samandriel. All so accusatory. So angry. and then not long after...

"Raphael and I had an altercation. My healing hasn't improved."

He doesn't turn his head to look at Dean until he's finished that.

"And Kevin said that I'm human now and that I'm working at a gas station. I don't understand why I'm not hunting with you."

Whoa, that's a lot to take in all at once, and he can wait until Cas is finished. He's not expecting what he comes up with at the end because, yeah, Dean doesn't know why Cas isn't hunting with him either. He frowns, trying to figure out where to start.

"I think we were all seeing things there for a while. I saw Jo." His frown deepens; they can come back to Raphael in a bit.

"And I don't know that, Cas." He really doesn't. What could the other him be thinking? "Maybe that's what you wanted." Dean wouldn't have stood in the way of it, either, but it's definitely not what Dean would want.

"It isn't." He's speaking quickly, before Dean is even finished, because he's sure that there is no reason that he wouldn't want to be hunting with them. It has to be something else. Maybe Kevin is mistaken or he's there for a job.

"If I was human, I wouln't--" There would be no place he would want to be and no place where he could do more good than with Dean.

Again, Cas's enthusiasm surprises him, and he reaches out to touch his arm, to calm him down, even while it hits him how much this is bothering him. And what he's saying too. That he wouldn't want to be anywhere else, that he wouldn't want to leave Dean.

It hurts him to say that he's not all that... Cas never sticks around long. Maybe that is what he wants. But Cas's insistence is enough that it makes Dean wish, whatever the reason, that they were together as they should be.

"That's not what I want either. There's gotta be a reason."

He'd been so prepared to leave Dean, but that had been to fix Heaven. He hadn't wanted to say goodbye, but it had seemed a necessity, because he has to put fixing his own mistakes first.

"I must be doing something to undo whatever Metatron did." It's the only explanation. That's the only thing that would make him leave.

Dean's less convinced that working in a gas station is going to undo what Metatron did, but he's fine with letting Cas think that. He reaches up and touches his cheek now, thumb brushing against his cheekbone before he drops his hand again. For someone who's been alive as long as Cas has, he can be really naive sometimes, and Dean thinks this is one of those. He only hopes the truth isn't too disappointing.

"Maybe so. But hey, we'll figure all that out when we get there." Dean doesn't think it's that easy to brush aside what's going on out in the real world, but he wants to calm some of Cas's nervous energy.

"We have each other here, now, right? Gang's all back together."

It seems like the only person they're missing is Bobby, but he doesn't want to remind Dean of that right now.

"Now we just have to find a way back."

Whether everyone is here or not, they're doing no good here and he knows that Dean can't like that any more than he does. The nice moments and the calm that they're so unused to don't make up for that, even if he's determined to appreciate them for as long as they're here.

"Yeah. Piece of cake." It frustrates Dean that he hasn't made any headway on that, but also like every freaking archangel is here. He'd be lying if he didn't say that made him feel... powerless, made the whole thing seem hopeless.

"At least the new digs are a little better than the old ones." There's food, and no cameras. Dean's more comfortable here than he should be, especially considering the shit that happens to them.

Castiel nods. "I'm glad I don't have to worry about any of you going hungry."

He still worries about everyone's safety, but he was worrying about both before. Of course, now he worries about Dean a little more. There's so much to find that could do a lot of harm to humans and he knows Dean is the type of person to find all of it.

The avoidance really needs to stop, at least so that he can keep an eye on Dean.

"And there's bacon." He leans back against the couch, casually draping his arm along the back of it. It's an invitation for Cas to lean in if he wants. He's missed him, and if it's somehow possible to miss what they could be, he's been doing a lot of that too.

"So tell me what happened with Raphael."

After a moment of hesitation, Castiel does lean in a little. This is a much-needed comfort, just as Kevin's news had been. With so much of his faith snuffed out, it's rare that Castiel feels very much comfort at all these days. Even he can admit that he wasn't made for this unsure existence, even if it's the one he's chosen.

"We were both angry and we fought." He isn't quite relaxed against Dean's side. "I don't stand a chance against him like this."

"What were you fighting about?" Dean's the last person who should go around telling Cas not to pick fights with angels, but he's still literally only just biting it back. Cas is more vulnerable the away he is now, and Dean doesn't want to lose him from something like a stupid fight with one of his asshole brothers.

"I don't know." He thinks more than anything that they'd both been looking for a fight. Castiel remembers his mood mounting before they'd met in the hall. He'd already been putting extra effort into avoiding everyone he cared about, because his thoughts had been... unsettling.

"I think something here was agitating me. Maybe it was affecting both of us."

"Oh, that." He sighs, and he's glad he didn't get caught up in that whole mess other than, hey, Raphael. Guess it was his turn to be an asshole this time, though Dean doubts he's going to be that apologetic later.

"Yeah, there's something in the air. Raphael cornered me in the hallway too. Just try to be careful, okay? Don't piss off the guys that can patch you up again. Look, out of most people in the world, I know what it feels like to want to punch an angel in the face while knowing that you'll just break your hand."

He smirks lightly. He did that to Cas once, a long, long time ago.

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