kore_logs | ❝ you're losing the game, that's the thing about trust. ❞

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❝ you're losing the game, that's the thing about trust. ❞

Who: The Doctor and Donna Noble
When: Day 176
Where: Random sitting area in the halls
What: Feelings.
Warnings: None that I can think of.

The Doctor knew he had upset Donna; hurt her even. He was good at doing that in this body. He'd say things that were absolutely cruel without realizing it. Not until he saw the look on their face and knew he went too far. Good men don't need rules. He had plenty of them because he needed them. This was just another example of why he needed them. He hurt, lied, and left the people he loved in order to try and save them.

It never worked.

So, there the Doctor sat in a sitting area of the halls. Kore was driving him insane. The endless hallways with nothing that he could grasp onto? No TARDIS. His past was always there in the flesh. With Donna there, he was waiting for the day River Song appeared and he had to face everything he had done that caused her to be who she was; what she was.

What if Romana showed up? The Master? Susan? Rose? Sarah Jane? The list was countless and endless.

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It would be unfair to say Donna had been sulking, but... Donna had been sulking. She could've been the bigger and better person and reached out an olive branch to the Doctor to try and patch things up after their argument that blew up out of nowhere. But she was every bit as much as a petulant child as he was.

She had been to the kitchen to bake. It was her way of de-stressing. Sometimes she took ingredients back to her kitchenette and other times she baked in the main kitchen so she could leave the baked goods there for the other residents.

Today she had baked in the main kitchen, and now she was on her way back to her room with a few slices of the freshly baked chocolate cake in a box. When she came across the Doctor she had to wonder if Kore's machine and the TARDIS were plotting against her. She often got lost in the TARDIS' corridors and conveniently ended up wherever the Doctor was if they had had a row. Maybe the machine and the TARDIS had some kind of sentient box love affair going on.

Donna was tempted to ignore him. It would be easy enough to keep on walking. Instead she held out the cake. "Hungry?"

Of course he knew she was there. How could he not? She was part Time Lord. That part of his brain buzzed whenever she was near. Actually it buzzed period in Kore, given she just simply existed, which was odd to him after so long. It was just stronger when she was physically near him. But he hadn't said anything. He was rather hoping she'd continue to walk past and leave him be. Not because he didn't want her to be there, but because he felt like making a cloud and just hiding up away from everyone else for awhile.

He was allowed to pout. Hadn't he earned that after saving the universe for as long as he had?

The Doctor raised his green eyes to look up at her. "What if I said that the taste buds weren't fond of chocolate?" Which was a lie, but he forced a playful smile for her.

"Then I'd say that this regeneration picked rubbish taste buds." She returned the smile with one of her own, though it didn't reach her eyes. This was definitely an awkward and uncomfortable situation, and really, Donna didn't like the way it made her chest hurt.

"Not liking chocolate is right up there with not liking tea. It's a crime against good food."

Although she wasn't offered a seat, Donna moved to sit beside the Doctor.

"It picked quite a lot of rubbish things. Including an off navigation system. It ta kes a lot of work to keep these limbs under control, I'll have you know." The Doctor said playfully, but the normal beat was tane from it.

He scooted over to make room for her. "Tea, however, does remain a favorite."

"Well maybe if you hadn't picked a body that resembles a fawn or a baby giraffe then your limbs wouldn't be so flaily, you prawn." There was no malice in her voice, but the teasing wasn't quite as light as usual. Their fight had really gotten to her and hurt her feelings more than she cared to admit.

"But I'm glad you still like tea. Might have to find a new best mate if you don't drink tea."

"I don't really pick them. It's sort of on random." The Doctor raised a hand to wave away the comment. "Some Time Lords were skilled enough to get what they wanted. Romana! Romana was very good at that. Me, not so much. Then again I didn't even pass my TARDIS exam."

The Doctor made sure not to keep eye contact. There was a painful smile on his face. "Still calling me your best mate, eh? Even after all this time in Kore? New face and all?"

"Why wouldn't I call you my best mate? You're the best mate I've ever had." She meant it too. The Doctor had been good for her in so many ways. Too bad if they ever found a way home from this place then she'd most likely forget all about him again. It was why she had to make the most of her time here in Cape Kore.

"Course, Fortescue is running a close second." In fact, Donna had made quite a few new friends here. Maybe not remembering would be easier than the pain of losing them all.

"Times change. People change. I changed." The Doctor answered softly. It was true. It wasn't just the face that had changed. Him, as a person. Clara had to remind him of his own promise. He'd seen too many battles and caused too many wars. He was an old tired man who just didn't know how to stop.

He didn't know if he could stop.

"Fortescue is a bit...well. Pretty. No, hang on. Shut up!" He frowned. "She's clever! Very clever, and good. Too nice to a silly old man. Jazz, however, is very grumpy."

"You're still the Doctor though. You'll always be the Doctor. The man in the little blue box, saving people, rescuing civilizations, always running. Some things don't change, Doctor." A beat. "Besides, where else am I going to find a bloke that puts up with me?" You know, aside from her fiance and the angel she's currently sleeping with?

"Hang on! Did you just call Fortescue pretty? You did! Oh my God! Do you have a crush? Tell me you don't have a crush? Oh my God! You do! You have a crush on Fort!" To be fair, she is really pretty.

He shrugged. Somethings had changed. Like the fact that he was reaching the end. Donna didn't quite believe it, despite being DoctorDonna. Maybe that was just the human part that hated to accept the end. Humans and Time Lords. Always trying to push past that boundary.

"Oh, there's one out there. I know it." He smiled softly and sadly.

Then his cheeks puffed out. "I haven't got a crush! I don't even know how to have one! No, no. Definitely not. I'm a Time Lord! You're squishy human... things!"

Great argument.

"Besides she's coy and takes charge of things far too much. Bossy, I think might just be the word." He raised his hand up.

Lalalala she can't hear anything or see anything. Nope. Nope. Nope. The Doctor had no end. The Doctor would never end. Nope. Lalalala.

Better to focus on the easier stuff, like the Doctor's indignant reaction at being called out on his crush. Donna couldn't help but laugh.

"Bossy, you say? Thought that's how you liked 'em! You married River, after all!"

The plot says otherwise, Donna Noble.

"I haven't got a crush. I'm a married man, you know." The Doctor pointed at her. Which wasn't a lie. He had a wife on Gallifrey ages ago. He married Queen Elizabeth I. He had been married to River Song. Not that marriages, besides the first and the last, meant much to him.

"River wasn't bossy! She was enigmatic and secretish and extremely annoying when she did that." He said. "She had to be. If I had known... well, I would of changed it all."

Pft. And who is the plot to dictate anything? Time can be rewritten! Or not. But, shh. Let Donna believe in the Doctor and his foreverness. She had to believe in that.

"Enigmatic, secretish, and bossy. And what about Rose? I bet she bossed you around too. Is it a power thing? Do you like your human women to dominate you because you're a powerful Time Lord? Is it a kinky sex thing? Don't worry, you're secret is safe with me, Space Man!"

Oh yes, tell that to River Song. Or him for that matter. Rewriting time never ever worked well. It was something he had to learn the hard wa.

"Rose tried to boss me around. It didn't work too well." The Doctor commented softly. It was more he did what he could to please Rose in his tenth face. The ninth one never did listen to her much. Not as much as he should of at least. "I haven't got a thing for bossy Earth women! Otherwise I'd be in love with you!"

"Oi, you cheeky git! I am not bossy!" Really, Donna? Really? Donna was like the epitome of bossy. There were few women who could out-boss her in a bossiness match. Besides, would the Doctor being in love with her really be so bad?

Wait! What? Abort!

Donna huffed, puffing out her cheeks. "Name one time I've been even the slightest bit bossy!"

"Yes you are. You are incredibly bossy. Actually, I think it comes with being a ginge. Amy was incredibly bossy and nosy and Scottish! Not that you're Scottish, oh, no, you are definitely not Scottish." Just dig that hole bigger there, Doctor.

"Bringing the hat boxes along with you. Oh, and, moving your way into the TARDIS all those years ago."

Would you like a spade to dig that hole faster, Doctor? Maybe some dynamite to just blast a crater instead?

Donna's face went through a range of emotions that started at annoyed, moved through angry and finally settled on hurt. Yep. She pulled her gaze away from him. So much for making up. Now she felt just as miserable as before.

"You asked me..." That sound? That was the sound of Donna Noble's fragile heart cracking.

The dynamite might be cool.

The Doctor sighed. "It was a dark time, Donna. I didn't think you'd actually take up the offer. I didn't expect anyone to ever take it up. Not sure why though. All I have to do is promise an adventure of a life time, and anyone pops in. Then... they're gone."

He sniffed and stood up, wiping at his face. Hands slipped in his pockets as he stood with his back to her.

"I put you all in far too much danger. Your lives are on the line, and I simply whisk you away to another adventure. Another way for you to get hurt, or worse."

"Doctor..." Donna sighed. Why did he insist on carrying the weight of the universe on his shoulders? He didn't have to bear that burden. If only he could see that. "I knew what I was getting myself into. I saw how dangerous your world could be but I still decided to come with you."

She pushed herself to her feet and rested her hand on his shoulder. "Doctor. The amazing things you show us far outweigh the danger."

Because it was who he was. He had a major god complex, but also what else did he have left to protect? Gallifrey was safe and yet he might not live to see it again. All he had left was Earth, the universe, and companions. And the most important of the three always end up hurt.

"I wonder if you did know just how dangerous." He turned and looked at her. "I'm not much of a doctor anymore, Donna. I forgot my own oath. I forgot how to be... me."

"Well it's about time you remembered it all! Stop carrying so much guilt on your shoulders. Don't make me smack the unholy heck out of you, mister. Because I will. Because sometimes you need a good smack."

Donna would make the Doctor smile again even if it killed her! Although, her dying would be kind of unproductive in getting a smile.

"Oh, that I can't do. I'll have that until the day I die. Too many faces and too many places that have all gone away in my name. Not much in the end I'm afraid." The Doctor smiles at her. Sadly of course.

Donna sighed and moved to pull the Doctor into a hug. He definitely looked like he needed it. And maybe Donna needed it too.

"Doctor. Stop blaming yourself."

The Doctor reached his arms around her and gave her a tight hug.

"That'll never stop. Something has to remain constant in the universe! Might as well be that."

"That's a rubbish constant. Pick a better one. One that doesn't have you feeling like this. Because you really don't need to be carrying all this guilt, Spaceman. No one would want you to."

Donna hugged him tighter. "You deserve to be happy."

"Well, the universe is a rather rubbish place sometimes." The Doctor chuckled and patted her on the back. No one would want him to but he will anyways.

Then a hum. "I've been happy, Donna. Very, very happy." Just also very sad.

"You should be happy always. We need to work on that, Time Boy. Looks like you've forgotten how to do the whole happiness thing." See, Doctor? This was why he needed his best mate around, to pick him up when he's down and slap him when he's being dumb.

"We'll get you fixed up."

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❝ you're losing the game, that's the thing about trust. ❞

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