kore_logs | ❝ you're losing the game, that's the thing about trust. ❞

Who: The Doctor and Donna Noble
When: Day 176
Where: Random sitting area in the halls
What: Feelings.
Warnings: None that I can think of.

The Doctor knew he had upset Donna; hurt her even. He was good at doing that in this body. He'd say things that were absolutely cruel without realizing it. Not until he saw the look on their face and knew he went too far. Good men don't need rules. He had plenty of them because he needed them. This was just another example of why he needed them. He hurt, lied, and left the people he loved in order to try and save them.

It never worked.

So, there the Doctor sat in a sitting area of the halls. Kore was driving him insane. The endless hallways with nothing that he could grasp onto? No TARDIS. His past was always there in the flesh. With Donna there, he was waiting for the day River Song appeared and he had to face everything he had done that caused her to be who she was; what she was.

What if Romana showed up? The Master? Susan? Rose? Sarah Jane? The list was countless and endless.

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Pft. And who is the plot to dictate anything? Time can be rewritten! Or not. But, shh. Let Donna believe in the Doctor and his foreverness. She had to believe in that.

"Enigmatic, secretish, and bossy. And what about Rose? I bet she bossed you around too. Is it a power thing? Do you like your human women to dominate you because you're a powerful Time Lord? Is it a kinky sex thing? Don't worry, you're secret is safe with me, Space Man!"

Oh yes, tell that to River Song. Or him for that matter. Rewriting time never ever worked well. It was something he had to learn the hard wa.

"Rose tried to boss me around. It didn't work too well." The Doctor commented softly. It was more he did what he could to please Rose in his tenth face. The ninth one never did listen to her much. Not as much as he should of at least. "I haven't got a thing for bossy Earth women! Otherwise I'd be in love with you!"

"Oi, you cheeky git! I am not bossy!" Really, Donna? Really? Donna was like the epitome of bossy. There were few women who could out-boss her in a bossiness match. Besides, would the Doctor being in love with her really be so bad?

Wait! What? Abort!

Donna huffed, puffing out her cheeks. "Name one time I've been even the slightest bit bossy!"

"Yes you are. You are incredibly bossy. Actually, I think it comes with being a ginge. Amy was incredibly bossy and nosy and Scottish! Not that you're Scottish, oh, no, you are definitely not Scottish." Just dig that hole bigger there, Doctor.

"Bringing the hat boxes along with you. Oh, and, moving your way into the TARDIS all those years ago."

Would you like a spade to dig that hole faster, Doctor? Maybe some dynamite to just blast a crater instead?

Donna's face went through a range of emotions that started at annoyed, moved through angry and finally settled on hurt. Yep. She pulled her gaze away from him. So much for making up. Now she felt just as miserable as before.

"You asked me..." That sound? That was the sound of Donna Noble's fragile heart cracking.

The dynamite might be cool.

The Doctor sighed. "It was a dark time, Donna. I didn't think you'd actually take up the offer. I didn't expect anyone to ever take it up. Not sure why though. All I have to do is promise an adventure of a life time, and anyone pops in. Then... they're gone."

He sniffed and stood up, wiping at his face. Hands slipped in his pockets as he stood with his back to her.

"I put you all in far too much danger. Your lives are on the line, and I simply whisk you away to another adventure. Another way for you to get hurt, or worse."

"Doctor..." Donna sighed. Why did he insist on carrying the weight of the universe on his shoulders? He didn't have to bear that burden. If only he could see that. "I knew what I was getting myself into. I saw how dangerous your world could be but I still decided to come with you."

She pushed herself to her feet and rested her hand on his shoulder. "Doctor. The amazing things you show us far outweigh the danger."

Because it was who he was. He had a major god complex, but also what else did he have left to protect? Gallifrey was safe and yet he might not live to see it again. All he had left was Earth, the universe, and companions. And the most important of the three always end up hurt.

"I wonder if you did know just how dangerous." He turned and looked at her. "I'm not much of a doctor anymore, Donna. I forgot my own oath. I forgot how to be... me."

"Well it's about time you remembered it all! Stop carrying so much guilt on your shoulders. Don't make me smack the unholy heck out of you, mister. Because I will. Because sometimes you need a good smack."

Donna would make the Doctor smile again even if it killed her! Although, her dying would be kind of unproductive in getting a smile.

"Oh, that I can't do. I'll have that until the day I die. Too many faces and too many places that have all gone away in my name. Not much in the end I'm afraid." The Doctor smiles at her. Sadly of course.

Donna sighed and moved to pull the Doctor into a hug. He definitely looked like he needed it. And maybe Donna needed it too.

"Doctor. Stop blaming yourself."

The Doctor reached his arms around her and gave her a tight hug.

"That'll never stop. Something has to remain constant in the universe! Might as well be that."

"That's a rubbish constant. Pick a better one. One that doesn't have you feeling like this. Because you really don't need to be carrying all this guilt, Spaceman. No one would want you to."

Donna hugged him tighter. "You deserve to be happy."

"Well, the universe is a rather rubbish place sometimes." The Doctor chuckled and patted her on the back. No one would want him to but he will anyways.

Then a hum. "I've been happy, Donna. Very, very happy." Just also very sad.

"You should be happy always. We need to work on that, Time Boy. Looks like you've forgotten how to do the whole happiness thing." See, Doctor? This was why he needed his best mate around, to pick him up when he's down and slap him when he's being dumb.

"We'll get you fixed up."

❝ you're losing the game, that's the thing about trust. ❞

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