kore_logs | ( day 45 ) you were supposed to return

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( day 45 ) you were supposed to return

WHO: Galen Howard and Jesse Finch
WHAT: Galen returns after disappearing for 24 hours
WHEN: Bright and early on day 45!
WHERE: House 20

[ Galen doesn't sleep often, anymore, but when he does, it's like a rock. His dreams are deep, and they're his; he knows he's dreaming, but he doesn't dare let himself venture out. Not when he could end up in the dark, where something will be waiting for him. There are already too many little dregs of that dog slipping around him, trying to get close enough to cling, to bite, and he can't let them.

The dreams are long, and they're deep, and they're his.

Something jolts him awake, though. Maybe it's a sudden sound, maybe it's the unfamiliar space around him, maybe it's the warmth beside him. Galen opens his eyes blearily, confusion and a sudden panic - familiar from the hospital - setting in -- but there's something familiar, something -- where is --

The warmth next to him, the body, that's Jesse, and -- oh, his heart nearly stops. He wants to -- but he can't. This has to be a mistake. Maybe he's still asleep, maybe he's punishing himself, maybe, maybe, maybe --

He brings a hand to his mouth and watches, chest tight, but even with the glassesless blur he knows what he sees. Any minute now, Jesse is going to wake up, look at him like that, and kick him out. Out of where, he still can't process, but that doesn't matter. Not right now. So he shifts, tries to slip out of bed without rousing Jesse, feels around for his glasses. ]

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[ It makes him uncomfortable, and he doesn't want uncomfortable, he wants to go to sleep. But Galen takes his hand and Jesse can't look him in the eye. ] Mm.

I didn't know you were coming back like this. I thought you was gonna come back fucked up or not at all. [ It's his excuse. ] Kenz was wrecked 'cause of the d-- dead guy. I didn't wanna think. [ Don't yell at him. He's already scrunching up in anticipation. ]

Shit. [ Galen reaches up and quickly wipes his eyes, throat tightening. Sure, it's good to know that he has this much impact on Jesse, but -- no. That's not okay. Jesse said himself that that was a part of his life he didn't want to go through again.

He doesn't yell, but he doesn't say anything, at first. Galen gets up onto his knees and edges closer, still wary of scaring him off, then brings his hand to Jesse's unmarked cheek and kisses the fresh bruises, lips quivering. Don't fucking cry. ]

God. It's -- s'okay, baby, I'm back, I'm not going anywhere. C'mere. How -- how long ago did you take them?

[ He doesn't yell, and Jesse curls into the touch. He doesn't hesitate, not right now, because he's not asleep, and he knows it. He doesn't know how he does, he just does, and -- well, if it is a dream, whatever. He can comfort himself this way. Nobody else is going to do it. Jesse turns and presses his face against Galen's chest, sniffing, clinging at the back of Galen's shirt. He's here. He's not gone.

He should tell Kenzi but for right now, all Jesse wants is Galen to himself, until the other shoe drops. ] While ago. [ He mumbles, twitching. ] Hours ago. Lasts real long. Think m'starting t'come down, though, I -- m'hungry, I ain't slept, my head hurts.

M'sorry. [ He knows Galen's probably just as tired. ] M'sorry, I can't sleep.

Ssh. [ He rests his forehead on Jesse's shoulder, because he really is tired. ] S'okay. I'll get you something. Just. Fuck. Please, don't do it again.

Okay. [ He mumbles, holding on tightly. He doesn't think he can manage to cry, but he's bone-deep exhausted. ] I wanna do it again. [ It's more of a warning than anything. Not that he's going to - just. That he wants to. ] I dunno I can stop myself. [ He doesn't want to promise he'll try because if that falls through, well... ]

I'll stop you. [ He lets go of Jesse's hand to drape his arms around Jesse's neck and hold him close -- as long as Jesse allows it, anyway. ] Just stay with me, it'll pass. What the hell did he give you?

He didn't give me nothing. [ It wasn't Pinkman's fault. Jesse's an adult, he made a decision, he made a choice. Pinkman gave him an opportunity, and he took it. Jesse lets Galen hold him, still clinging to his shirt. ] I got - I got meth. From him. Hadn't done it afore, but. Did what I wanted it to. [ Might as well be honest. ]

Oh my god. [ He's -- really not expecting that. For a second, he feels like he's going to barf. ] Where the fuck did he get -- oh my fucking god. Jess, you can't do that again.

S'not even that bad. [ Jesse mutters, hunching up. ] Ain't the worst thing I've done.

That's not the fucking point. [ Galen holds him a little tighter. ] You worked so fucking hard to get clean. I won't let you fall back off. You're better than that.

[ Is he, though? He doesn't say it. All Jesse does is wrap his arms around Galen's neck and close his eyes. ] I know it ain't fair to ask. I know you got -- you got the dream stuff, now, I dunno how it works now, but I know you got it. But - I need you t'stop me. 'Cause I can't do it. [ It's hard to say. He sniffs. ]

... I promised I wasn't gonna leave. Alright?

I -- what about it, what are you asking me? [ He kisses Jesse's neck, sighs deeply. He's here, he's real. ]

T'stop me from going back for more. From Pinkman. [ He says, with another sniff. ] Do whatever y'gotta, but I can't drop back into that, yer right. [ He's quiet for a minute. ] ... M'gonna trust you. [ Hides his face. ]

Edited 2013-02-26 05:20 (UTC)

Jess, even if you didn't ask, I would. I'll do whatever I can. [ He hesitantly brings a hand up to brush through his hair. ] I love you. And -- fuck, I haven't had the chance to say that in weeks. I love you.

[ Don't worry, Galen. After thinking you were going to be gone, Jesse's eating up the attention with a spoon. He'll find the time to be paranoid later, but for now, he just arches into the touch, like a needy cat. ] Love y'too. [ He mumbles. ] I love you too -- m'sorry that I took so long, in the -- you're ahead of me now. I guess. I mean, back home, you were still in the hospital. [ His headache throbs. Ow. ] I was gonna talk t'you.

Yeah. Eventually. I, um... I hoped so. [ He just presses his lips against Jesse's shoulder, leaves them there for a second. ] Daph and Terri, they're still... I dunno.

The only visitors I got were Brad and my dad. [ And Jesse, but you are a sneaky fucker, sir. ]

I dunno. I didn't talk t'any of them 'cept your dad. [ He sighs, curling up in Galen's lap. ] Was the monkey okay? He was freaking out.

Yeah. Spooked, but. [ And that's fun, being able to tell that your best friend in the whole fucking world is scared of you. ] ... You talked to my dad?

[ Jesse hums his affirmation. ] It was awkward. I dunno. He's still scary as fuck.

He's so not scary. He actually really likes you, so.

Mm. [ Jesse sighs, hunching up. ] I just wanna be good enough for you. [ He's sleepy, finally coming down, so Galen gets to hear his sleep thoughts. ]

Listen, Jess. Forget anything anyone ever told you about not being good enough. [ His voice is low, and he brushes his fingers up into Jesse's hair. For once, he's grateful for this place, for giving him this instead of leaving him to pick up all those pieces. ] There is no 'good enough'. I fell in love with you. The first time I knew was like, a week after you started working. We shared a cigarette and I was trying to help you load up gear, and -- Christ, this sounds so fucking corny.

[ Maybe it sounds a little like a pep talk, but that's what Jesse needs. He sighs when Galen's fingers run through his hair - it feels good. ] ... Nah, it doesn't. [ He says quietly, curling closer. ] I remember that. [ Keep going, he wants to hear. ]

Um. [ One hand comes down to reach for Jesse's. ] You took a guitar case from me. And our hands touched. [ His hand wraps around Jesse's, now. ] And -- it was the first time you called me this. You said "I got this, songbird." And -- a fucking week into the job, right? That's when I knew. [ And he'd never felt that with another guy. It'd been a confusing few weeks. ]

[ ... It makes Jesse grin like a moron. He finally looks up at Galen, pulling his hand to his lips to kiss his fingers. ] Yeah. Y'know - I dunno when it was for me. [ He looks down at Galen's fingers, running his own all over Galen's hands. ] Think it might've been when I first saw you sing. [ He links their fingers. ] Sang my favorite Counter Curse song.

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gleans - 2013-02-28 23:16 (UTC) - Expand

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