kore_logs | but you've lived and breathed more than any man I know

Entry tags:

but you've lived and breathed more than any man I know

Who: Anna and Castiel
When: Day 52
Where: El casa de Castiel
What: Awkward sibling chats are awkward.

It's not hard to locate Castiel and she should really take the shortcut, but Anna walks anyway. She's possibly procrastinating a little, not that she'd ever admit that, so the longer it takes the better.

It's not a big town though, and before long she's at the house. Putting it off is getting her nowhere, its foolish and immature, so she doesn't knock. Instead she glances around to make sure no one is in sight, then just bites the bullet and appears in front of him. No warning, those courtesies are left for conversations she doesn't mind having, and there's an awkward moment where she doesn't know where to begin, so she stays silent for a moment. This is pretty much new to her, after all. Being human hadn't prepared her for this. It takes a minute or two, but finally she folds her arms and manages to muster up a decent enough start. She just needs to...not jump in straight away. Start with a nice conversation beginner, and move forward from there.

"You should apologise to Ghoul."

Smooth.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Of course he isn't being facetious. He'd completely forgotten about the incident in question. Even after she mentions it, it takes him a moment to remember.

"Oh." He frowns. "Anna, I was under the influence of... something. That wasn't me. You know that."

His only interest in Anna's personal life is that she's happy. After everything that happened between them leading up to her death, he's just glad to see that she can be happy. She's not exactly the leader he once knew, but she's still his sister and she's a good person.

"I know that, yes." She doesn't know why it's now that this has become important to her. The party had been almost a month ago after all, she could well be the only one of the three who still care about what happened. That's not the point though.

...What exactly the point is, that's still anyone's guess. All she knows is that he deserves an apology from Castiel, and that's somewhere down the line it became kind of important to her what Ghoul thought of the few remaining siblings she can stand to be around.

"He doesn't know that though, and it's- well. I think he deserves an apology all the same," Anna finally manages to maintain eye contact (a lot harder than one would think) and even gives him a half smile. "I think it'd be good if he realised there wasn't going to be a repeat performance."

"I see." Castiel takes a moment to think about this. He's not sure why the man would take it so personally. He knows he's seen the two of them together since then and they seemed fine, but if it means so much to Anna, he supposes he can extend some sort of formal apology.

"I'll speak to him, Anna. I didn't realize that he was so important to you." That, at least, he understands. It's good to see Anna happy, especially after what they had turned her into towards the end. This isn't quite the Anna from before and he knows she won't be commanding him in any battles, but she's an Anna he wants to see more of. Having a sibling he can care about without an entire train of baggage is nice.

He smiles a little. "There won't be a repeat performance as long as you don't want there to be one."

Anna goes to protest, deny, all that knee jerk reaction that comes hand in hand with anything related to Ghoul. She hesitates though, because she's starting to wonder why exactly that is. It's more important to protect him now, of course. There's far more people here that know her now, and most of them aren't that friendly. That doesn't mean she can't talk about him, though. Just a little.

"It wasn't important then," she shrugs, and the half smile grows into something a lot fonder. She can't quite help it, and shakes her head slightly before continuing. "He's...sweet, though. A lot nicer than I've given him any reason to be."

And maybe she shouldn't be thinking so much about something that has a very real expiry date - they won't be trapped here forever after all, right? It's a little late for that, that thought should have occurred the moment she'd turned up on his door. That's something to worry about later down the road, though. For now, she's just happy that Castiel is willing to help her make whatever this is work.

The repeat performance comment? That just makes her laugh. "I think for now we'll be safe without one. You'll be the first to know if I change my mind."

Castiel raises an eyebrow. "You shouldn't have to give him a reason to be kind." But he's sure that she had, anyway. Anna--the Anna who's here, anyway--is incredibly kind. Even after that spell had worn off, that hadn't stopped Castiel's awareness of why it had been so easy to go along with.

In offering a repeat, he hadn't been implying that Anna couldn't take care of herself and he's glad she hadn't taken it that way. He knows that she's capable, but that doesn't mean he won't have her back.

"But I'll make sure he knows that I don't have any interest in intruding on your interactions or impeding on them."

That at least earns another wry smile from her, even if she's inclined not to agree so much. "Perhaps not."

Impeding on their interactions. It's no surprise that he manages to make it - whatever it is - sound so awkward and stilted. It's entertaining and she really needs entertaining, lest she get too caught up in puzzling out the semantics of 'it' before it's really time. That's not a conversation to have with Castiel. Ghoul? Definitely. Someone else as well? Maybe, but certainly not Castiel.

It's not that she doesn't think he'll understand - maybe even sympathise - it's just that what she wants right now is experience. Even this is relatively new for her. There had been a little back in her old life, but never quite anything that had managed to progress this far.

"Thank you. Really. It's- small, I know. But he's kind of important to me now, I think?" Think in this situation meaning 'know and don't want to say aloud', of course. "So, yes. Thank you."

Romance isn't something Castiel has experience with, but caring about a human a great deal certainly is. It's something he can understand easily and things like this are why he finds Anna a little easier to talk to than he might anyone else, even in spite of what else they'd been through together.

"I understand." He nods, a knowing smile playing on his lips. "If I see anyone we should be... wary of taking an interest in him, I'll let you know." Gabriel is also tentatively included on that list, due to his penchant for killing or otherwise torturing Dean. He knows she'd do the same thing for him where Dean is concerned.

God, the smile. She returns it, but it's enough to trigger some form of second hand sheepishness from her. These are conversations that she should have had as a human, had she even had siblings to begin with. When she had been growing up, the concept of being alone had seemed so foreign. She had been needy and demanding, constantly craving someone's presence, but like everything else that had tagged on from the previous life she had grown out of it.

Of course that makes sense to her now. Angels had more siblings than they could count, each one dear to her in ways she can't quite explain, but being here had allowed her a chance to bond with those few in ways she hadn't really expected would ever happen. Recovering from that residual embarrassment, Anna returns the smile as she laughs quietly, even shaking her head.

"Cas. I'm...glad you're here." Despite everything that happened - and honestly, even if she may never truly get over the betrayal, she forgave him quite a while ago - he's a brother to her. They've been through much together, he said it himself. "It's good. Nice."

"I'm glad you're here, too." He knows there's a lot of good and bad between them. They can't just forget any of it and they shouldn't, but if this place can give them a way to start fresh and rebuild some of what they've lost, he'll be thankful, because he loves her, perhaps just a little more than some of his other siblings.

There are things about humanity that the others don't understand and they likely never will. He doesn't share her want for a human life, but he does love humanity and he loves Sam and Dean. She can understand that. Maybe she can even understand why he cares about Meg.

"I can't be the soldier I was, but if you need a brother, I'll be here for you." He's learned a lot about what being a brother can be from Sam and Dean. He hasn't been a very good brother to the siblings who should perhaps matter most, but he can try to be better to them now.

Her head drops down slightly to look at the ground as he responds, and though the angle might hide her small grin, the quiet chuckle is definitely audible. Of course it would take being ripped from their world, left high and dry without Heaven and Garrisons and the absent presence of their Father to ever let anything quite so honest pass between them.

It shouldn't seem worth it, but - especially given what she knows waits for her if they ever do return home - she can't help but feel like maybe, just maybe, it's a little bit worth it. Looking back up at him, she's still smiling fondly.

"I don't want the soldier. I don't need him, I haven't in a long time," And maybe he still doesn't understand the importance of physical affection quite as much as she does, but that minor detail matters very little right now to her as she takes a few steps closer. "The brother? Yes, I need him."

Without much break after the words leave her mouth, she steps a little closer and wraps her arms around his shoulders, pulling Castiel into a tight hug. She sighs quietly, even takes a moment to lean in a little, then lets out another, slightly more weary sounding laugh. It definitely feels worth putting up with the captivity right now.

Castiel has participated in a handful of hugs, each of them awkward, but not without enjoyment. He doesn't understand physicality as well as she does, but he has come to learn what it can do, if not the nuances of the hows and whys.

The hug surprises him, but he doesn't mind it at all. After a moment, he wraps his arms around her. It's as awkward as he always is, but he still tries to make sure that she knows that he means it. Their family is so fractured, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't treasure them and her in particular.

"I can do that."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

but you've lived and breathed more than any man I know

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject