kore_logs | wear it all vintage, misery

Who: Jesse Finch & Bruce Banner
What: Jesse's realized what bothers him about the recent Hulk out, and he needs to tell Bruce.
When: Day 54, evening
Where: House 6
Warnings: Swearing, discussions of child abuse and shitty parenting. Will be updated as needed.

[ It takes him two days to really just absorb it, and figure it out completely. Galen gets him to think about it, and Jesse has to get his feelings in order to be able to express it, to get it out first in the form of paint and ink, before he can make it into words. Words are the hardest for him. But he thinks he has it straight now, and he needs to tell Bruce.

Bruce probably doesn't want to hear it - probably has enough problems, but Jesse just wants to do that last bit of releasing the misery. He'll be quick, he promises - and that's why he ends up at Bruce's house, fidgeting on the porch. Just knock, it'll be fine. Hopefully it'll be Bruce who answers, but what if it isn't? He'd have to explain - okay, this is stupid.

In the end, he sends Bruce a message on the communicators, curled up outside on a bench nearby. ] Ay. Bruce, you around?

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[ He squirms a little. Nope. He does not want to talk about this right now. Not when he'd been enjoying the moment so much. ]

Nothing. [ Wow, that was a great lie. And of course, because he's nervous, he sparks a little more. Crap. Jesse digs his hands into his shirt, biting his lip. ]

Jesse. What's wrong with your hands?

[ He can't help the concern that creeps into his voice. Kobra had fire hands and look how that ended. He doesn't think Jesse is going to make him Hulk out or anything, but he clearly lacks control over this power, whatever it is. ]

Have you always been able to do that? Talk to me.

[ No, he doesn't want to. Jesse squirms away a little, but there's no getting away from it. ]

... No. [ He swallows hard. Don't be mad. ] S'nothing - it was a gift. [ He says it almost defensively, scowling suddenly. His hands spark again, and he winces - it doesn't hurt, it's just a snap and crackle of noise. ]

[ He won't be mad so much as scared. If Jesse got these powers from the same place Kobra did, then he got them from the guy styling himself as Lucifer, as in the Devil, and Bruce thinks that has bad news written all over it. He doesn't believe in the Devil, but that doesn't mean this Lucifer can be as dangerous as the fictional Devil is supposed to be. ]

A gift? From who? [ Though he thinks he already knows the answer. ]

[ His scowl just gets deeper. ] I dunno. Some guy, he never introduced himself right. Galen said he was Lucifer, but I dunno for sure.

I ain't hurt anybody with it. I been practicing, making sure nobody's gonna get fucked over by it. I can protect people now. [ And now he stares Bruce in the face. ] I don't gotta hide anymore.

[ Why why why do people think having powers is automatically some kind of benefit? Some kind of boon? That's never going to backfire or make them miserable or completely alter how they interact with and fit in with the world? He doesn't actually facepalm, and that's a conscious effort for Jesse's benefit. ]

Maybe that's true, but I can tell you that the guy who gave you those powers calls himself Lucifer and told me that he is, you know, the Devil. [ Bruce's skepticism is clear. ] I don't think the Devil exists, but the fact that he's pretending to be him should say a lot, don't you think?

[ He bites his lip, and then nods at Jesse's hands. ] He gave Kobra powers too. That's some of what we were fighting about that day.

[ Bruce doesn't get it, Jesse thinks, because Bruce doesn't have to be afraid of tigers or lions. He doesn't have to worry about his significant other getting eaten or torn apart, because Bruce can protect him if he has the chance. Jesse has that same opportunity now, and he doesn't care that the Devil gave them over. It makes no difference.

It doesn't until Bruce mentions Kobra. That makes Jesse pause.

When he answers, he's a little indignant. ] Yeah, but I ain't a fucking moron! I ain't using it for anything but self defense, Bruce! What was he doing - bet he was gonna go after someone, yeah? 'Cause that's what they do, they're fuckin' anarchists.

[ Well. Party and Kobra are, in Jesse's opinion. Ghoul... well. Ghoul's a different story. ]

[ That is... exactly what Kobra did, yes, but that's not really even the point that Bruce is trying to make. ]

I know what you want to do with these powers; I know you want to do good things with them. I'm not worried about that. What I am worried about is when this person calling himself Lucifer comes around again and asks for his payment, or something backfires hideously, because Jesse, nothing is free. Think about it. Would someone passing himself off as the Devil do something good out of the kindness of his heart, no strings attached?

[ Bruce has a point, and Jesse doesn't like it. He rubs at the back of his neck, looking away. No, there's probably strings attached, but he doesn't care. ]

He said it was free. [ Jesse says halfheartedly, but he's not that stupid. He knows. ] Whatever. I don't care. There's a price? Bring it. I know what'm doing, I ain't a stupid kid.

[ He bristles a little at that, because - because, well. All he can hear is Sharon's voice telling him he's immature, and it just makes him even more mad. His hands spark again, and he makes a frustrated noise and stands up to go pace. ]

You don't have to be a kid to do something stupid. I was 36 when I turned myself into what I am now. [ Maybe deflecting some of this will help Jesse realize that Bruce doesn't think less of him, but that this is still a problem that needs to be addressed. He pinches the bridge of his nose and then lets his hand drop. ]

I thought I was doing the right thing too. I really thought what we were doing would work, and that it would revolutionize health and medicine research. So I experimented on myself, and it got out of hand and now I am what I am.

[ Jesse - hears it. He does. And he understands it's a big deal, but he doesn't care. It can kill him, it can do whatever - Lucifer can come collect his soul, whatever he wants. All that matters is Jesse can protect people. That he doesn't have to watch people die. ]

... I don't care. [ Jesse mutters, shoving his hands in his pockets, back to Bruce. ] It don't matter to me. I ain't gonna sit around and watch things take advantage of me or Galen or anybody here when I can make a difference. [ He looks over his shoulder at Bruce. ]

Nothing I can do about it now, so don't worry 'bout it.

[ He sighs. He really doesn't understand why people think having powers, being stronger, is better than anything else. It's actually a host of problems and usually winds up sucking, a lot. ]

Alright. I'm just saying you're probably already being taken advantage of, right now, as we speak. I'm not going to ask you to give these powers up; I just want you to be able to see that and be prepared to deal with it.

[ Jesse's never had powers before, so he wouldn't know. He sighs, keeping his hands in his pockets. ] I am. I knew from when he gave 'em to me. [ He's responsible! And now he's going to stand over here awkwardly and mentally curse himself for ruining a good thing. ]

[ Bruce gives him some space for a second, then gets up and goes over to him, putting his hands on his shoulders. If Bruce is going to take on this role, then he has to be a good father. A good father wouldn't boot Jesse out for making this dumb choice, and he's not going to march Jesse up to other Loki and have him see if he can take these powers away. Yet. He needs to be available when Jesse needs him for help with this, and Jesse needs to believe he can come to him. ]

Okay. Then you know what you should do is practice. That's the only way you'll get good control over what you can do. I can try to give you some pointers on controlling your body, controlling and channeling your emotions. If you want.

[ It's - surprising. And nice, and Jesse relaxes just a little when Bruce puts his hands on his shoulders. Bruce is being accepting. It makes him feel a little less awkward. Like Bruce isn't going to yell at him. Jesse looks over his shoulder at Bruce, and sort of deflates. ]

I been trying. I go out to target practice trees. [ He rubs at his face. ] But - yeah. Pointers are good. [ Okay, whatever, he wants another hug (maybe he's a little deprived) so he turns and presses his face against Bruce's shoulder. ] Thanks. [ For not yelling. For not striking. For a lot of things. ]

wear it all vintage, misery

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