[open] apples and quinces, lemons and oranges

[nedofpies]

Who: Ned, open to all
What: Here be species-swap logs involving Ned the unlikely fertility god.
Where: Anywhere (preferably outdoors).
When: Duration of the event (58 - 61); put date in header, please.
Warnings: Blood, kidnapping, creepiness and general Ned-terrorizing? [will add more as necessary]

Ned wanders the town barefoot, leaving a path of fruit and flowers and vegetation behind him. There are daffodils and bluebells, hyacinths and crocuses, irises of all colors, primroses and poppies and periwinkle in profusion. When he stops to sit quietly under a tree, by the edge of the woods, the vines spread out from his body like paint creeping through water. They slowly wind their way up the trees, or else sprawl across the ground, swelling with strawberries and blackberries, grapes and kiwis, passionfuit and cherries.

He doesn't understand why it is happening, but from the sound of the messages over the communicator, everyone has been going through some strange changes. As far as Ned's concerned, being some kind of plant conjurer is better than some options.

Since he can't think of much else to do with his time, Ned lounges in the dappled shade and makes bouquets. All he needs to do is rake his hands through the soil and a few minutes later, up come the snapdragons, up come the cala lilies. He finds that, if he focuses on a particular kind of flower as he does it, sometimes it is mixed amongst the others. As he sits the hydrangeas are bubbling up around him, shielding him from view.

Ned isn't worried about resting in the woods, despite all the dire warnings he's heard in his short time here. He is at the very edge, just in the shade of the first few trees; the lions and tigers and bears can't possibly have any objections. So he lounges in his cozy bower, hazy, half-awake (he hadn't exactly slept well, the previous night), weaving crowns of camellias and garlands of gladiolus.

Comments

[recognize_an_opportunity]

Meyer, whose entire attention was focused on untying Ned, has now achieved his goal. With a nod at Ned, a nod that's obviously tinged with some kind of apology, although he doesn't quite seem to have the words to match the look of regret on his face, he pulls the ropes away. Normally, he might pat someone on the shoulder reassuringly, but he doesn't dare risk touching Ned again. That done, he turns to the fight, and immediately realizes things are going very poorly.

Charlie is obviously dazed, and River -- he assumes it's the girl he spoke to earlier that day, the girl who'd been turned into some kind of tree spirit -- seems to be winning the fight, or at least knocking him around pretty well. And if there's one thing he doesn't want to see happen, it's Charlie getting severely hurt, no matter how much he may deserve a punch or two for his ill-planned kidnapping.

Meyer's used to breaking up fights. It's something he learned from a young age, ever since he realized he didn't have as quick of a temper as many of his friends, ever since he realized he could hold his own in a fight, but could often avoid one altogether with logic. There's only one choice here, only one way to make sure he gets both of their attention, and quickly, so they don't kill each other. He knows murderous intent when he sees it, and he's pretty sure it's written all over Charlie's face.

So he stands swiftly, then physically places himself between the two combatants, one hand out to each side in the universal gesture for 'stop,' the look on his face determined, calm, not at all angry. "Everyone stop," he says, and his hand instinctively goes to Charlie's shoulder to stop him from taking any more steps forward. He doesn't touch River, doesn't know her well enough to assume that his touch will have a calming effect. "Everyone stop, take a deep breath, and calm down. We don't want to do this."

Then he turns to Charlie, eyes intent on him, hand still on his shoulder, and switches to speaking Italian for a moment. "Charlie, don't do this. We can all walk away from this if you calm down. This isn't what you really want, just like I didn't really want to bite Ned. Calm down and none of us will get any more hurt than we already are."

A deep breath, then he addresses the room as a whole, including Ned, who he hopes has somewhat recovered from his uncomfortable tied-up position. "This is all a horrible mistake -- but behaving this way and fighting each other is what our captors want, can't you see? They turn us into something terrible, they give us power we don't know how to handle, so of course we're going to take it out on each other. Let's not give anyone the satisfaction of seeing us unable to control ourselves."

In this case, he means Charlie and himself not being able to control their attacks, their apparent desire for kidnapping, but it's better to leave the statement vague, not wanting to anger Charlie further by calling him out publicly. He sighs and continues. "River, you were only doing what a friend would do at seeing someone they cared about in danger, but I'm officially declaring this fight over. Ned, you got dragged into something you shouldn't have, and you're free to go now. Charlie, I understand that you didn't intend for this to go the way it did, but I need you to take a step back and calm down. Nobody's killing anybody. This isn't getting any worse than it already has."

And he'll stand right in between the two of them until they give up the fight and Ned escapes the house. If they want to keep fighting, they can tear him apart, but he's had it up to here with this whole day, and he's done.

[dowhatisays]

Fuck you, Meyer. Fuck you and your logic and always thinking this shit can get solved up with fucking words when every bone in his body is vibrating with the need to tear somebody limb from limb. He pushes hard into Meyer's hands, still stumbling and disorientated from his repeated blows to the head.

"Get the fuck off me, Meyer! I needs this! This is fucking MINE!" he's blowing smoke and hissing as he screams, doing everything to force his way out of Meyer's grasp. But he's not burning the house down. Yet.

[enchangement]

River knows exactly what she is doing, but fortunately enough she also can see what Meyer is doing, this attempt at calming his friend/family/loved one; River doesn't care about the label, though she is amused suddenly at the concept of the Page (herself) fighting a dragon (Charlie). It's probably best, she realizes, that she isn't connected to the emotional state of everyone else in the room, or this even-tempered vampire would not be able to stop her from doing her absolute level best to draw actual blood from Charlie for the trespass of daring to threaten her loved ones and treating them like a damned shiny.

To this extent, as she draws herself slightly away from Meyer's extended hand and back towards Ned, reaching her own arm out towards her friend. "We'd kill for family," she says, keeping her voice even and her eyes locked on Charlie's, "you and I. Would and could and have." Her eyes narrow and the hand reaching for Ned loses some of it's bark-like qualities. "So you'll permit this, you'll let us walk away, a tribute can be provided, but not in blood, or blood will be repaid in turn."

She'll bring you shiny things, but you can't keep Ned, that's the gist of it. "Accept."

[nedofpies]

It becomes quickly clear to Ned that River can handle herself even better than he had expected, but he sees the burn where Charlie touched her and he doesn't want her to be hurt any more. All that fear over what might happen to him hasn't gone away with the appearance of the cavalry - it's just shifted a few degrees to the left and become fear over what might happen to her.

So his heart leaps with gladness when Meyer interposes himself between the two fighters and brings things to a halt.

Ned gains a new appreciation for the man's bravery; he's always favored diplomacy, himself, and it's a mark in Meyer's favor that he doesn't just throw in his lot with Charlie. That he goes to such great lengths to right the situation and make sure everyone gets away unharmed, not just the man that he knows. And he's right. He's right about their captors, right that this is what they want.

Charlie doesn't seem inclined to listen to logic (that really is a terrible lot of smoke coming from him), but Meyer is capably holding him back. And River - River is at Ned's side, reaching for him, and he grips her hand like it's a life-line. When she calls him family, says she'd kill for him, he feels his throat go tight with a confused mix of happiness and disbelief and confusion and fear, still; for her, and the harm that might come to her for thinking of him as family.

He wants to run, now, not to keep talking. The rational part of his brain understands that coming to a lasting truce now will mean no pursuit, no search, no repeats of this nightmare, but the rest of him is screaming that the two of them need to get out now. He forces himself to stay still - as still as he can while he's still shaking like a leaf - and wait for Charlie's reply. He holds River's hand a little tighter; he does trust her.

[recognize_an_opportunity]

His outstretched hand that's still touching Charlie's skin is beginning to burn badly enough that he can feel the pain even through his concentration on remaining calm, but he's not moving his hand, not until Charlie stops shouting and blowing smoke and hissing, not until Ned is out of the room and River is gone with him, not until he's absolutely certain that everyone is done with this confrontation.

At River's words, he turns to her and nods firmly. "We accept," he says, careful not to say that Charlie accepts on his own because, really, there's no way he would -- and Charlie doesn't like being spoken for. But the two of them together? Yes, they can certainly agree to those terms. Maybe other shiny things will distract Charlie's attention enough that he doesn't go after Ned again. Meyer can hope. He understands where River's coming from, understands what it means to protect family -- or those one considers family -- in this way. He wouldn't have done any different, had the roles been reversed.

There's only the slightest evidence of pain on his face as he speaks again, his tight grip on Charlie not loosening at all even as his tone remains almost conversational. "I think that's settled, then. A fair outcome for all of us." All there remains left to see is whether Charlie agrees or not; and whether he does or doesn't is almost a moot point: Ned won't be his victim.

[dowhatisays]

Charlie pushes against Meyer's hands again, but it's feebler this time. Now that Meyer's stepped in, the part of his brain that isn't consumed with lust and fury is screaming at him, telling him to let it go because there's no way he's winning this. But all the same - his heart arches to see his thing leaving. Don't they know how much he needs this?

It's too much confusion in one brain and he snarls again, but Meyer will feel is skin getting just a little cooler.

"Get the fuck out."

[enchangement]

River is not one to be told twice, not today; when Ned took her hand the transformation hinted at began in full, bark sloughing and changing in favor of new skin, the burn mark on her arm filling with moss until it, too, fell off, exposing a healing scar.

A squeeze to Ned's hand and they're off, running through the hallway until they reach the door outside and River starts to laugh, true and loud, leading the way back to Ned's bower.

"Found you," she teases; and clearly, not a moment too late.