kore_logs | have you talked to the man upstairs?

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have you talked to the man upstairs?

Who: Dean and whoever lives in House 16 who wants to put up with his crap. And Kenzi! What a brosis.
When: Day 70
Where: House 16
What: Dean's slowly going stir crazy, probably much to Gabriel and Raphael's delight. His housemates have to deal with him.
Warnings: Language!

It's been a straight-up week since Dean got himself in deep shit with Raphael and Gabriel. A week. That's seven days that he's been living out of his room, afraid that he's going to get angel-shanked when he goes to use the bathroom. He's getting really sick of it, and he's really tempted to think that Raphael and Gabriel's plan is just to make Dean stay in his house for all time. But he keeps reminding himself of angels and their patience and that's probably just what they want him to think and as soon as he decides fuck this shit, that's when they'll swoop. Maybe. Or maybe not.

Ugh, fuck this shit. Only not really. He stops tossing the ball against the wall and flumps back on his bed again, bored and antsy. He glances over at his sigils, checking them like he has to do every few hours because...

Oh, look. They've been fucked with again. His sigh is more of a growl as he gets up and stomps across the room to fix it again. This crap's why he thinks their plan is mostly mental torture, slowly driving him nuts. Once it's fixed, he sits back on his bed heavily and scowls at the floor.

Then he stomps on it and calls out.

"Hey! Someone wanna bring me something to eat? Freaking starving up here." No, mostly he's bored.

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Castiel rolls his eyes when he hears Dean yell. He knows that Dean's going stir crazy, but that doesn't change the fact that he's being ridiculous about it.

Once he rummages through the kitchen, Castiel knocks on Dean's door, sandwich in hand. He's largely been avoiding spending too much time with Dean and Meg's injuries have been a welcome excuse, even if he does wish he could heal them himself.

The sandwich isn't as nice as the last one he brought Dean, but he hopes Dean will appreciate it, anyway.

To the outsider, it might seem that Castiel has actually learned how to knock before entering, but that isn't th case at all. He simply can't enter the room with the wards in place.

He's grumpy about being stuck here and grumpy that there are angels after him and he's still pretty supremely upset about what happened while he was a trickster -- what he did while he was a trickster. He's moved on, or pretended to move on, or made himself think he moved on, but sitting up here, he's had plenty of time to repress and stew, and it's not helping the impulse to act out.

When he hears the knock, he can guess pretty easily who's waiting on the other side. It's either Cas or... Cas, but he's figuring it's the one who's still got his mojo. He gets up and opens up the door, even if he's not exactly... The thing is, every time he looks Cas in the eye, he remembers one of the horrible things he did to him, and he still doesn't know how to feel about Cas moving on from it. Did he move on like Dean moved on (that is, not at all and he's just pretending)?

"Thanks." He nods a tight greeting and takes the sandwich, then hesitates before he opens the door a little wider. It's hard to talk to Cas, but he's also lonely. And he also misses him.

"You want to come in? They'll break one of the sigils in an hour anyway."

"Yes." The answer comes without hesitation.

He's not even doing a very good job of pretending to be over what happened, but that doesn't make him care about either of them any less. It just makes it hurt, but Castiel is a soldier. He's always been a soldier and that means working through the pain sometimes, even if the pain is emotional.

"You should know that there is one less person to worry about." He's held off on telling Dean, mostly because he's kept words brief with him. After that emotionally loaded conversation the other day, Castiel has mostly been keeping to himself and licking his wounds in private.

He leans over to scratch a mark through one of them, enough to let Cas through, and then he steps back to give him room. He goes back to his bed, though his feigned-leisurely collapse back onto it is complicated by that news, and he gives Cas an uncertain look.

"What happened? Something happen to Raphael or Gabriel?"

This is good, though. This is something to talk about other than every other thing they should be talking about.

Castiel moves into the room, feeling the sigils push against him, even as he's allowed through. He hesitates for a moment before sitting stiffly at the foot of Dean's bed, turning to face Dean.

"Crowley is dead." He meets Dean's eyes. "I killed him."

There's no real guilt. Castiel doesn't like ending lives and Meg has made him reevaluate his stance on demons, but Crowley's done so much to hurt the people he cares about. Crowley tried to turn him against Dean. Attacking Meg had been the last straw.

Dean lifts his eyebrows and blinks a few times.

"I'm sorry; you -- you killed Crowley." He narrows his eyes, making sure he's understanding this right. Cas just up and killed Crowley. It's not like Dean's sad or anything, but he was expecting this moment to be more intense. Also, he was expecting that he'd be the fuck there.

"How? When?"

"A few days ago." He should have told Dean sooner and he really hopes Dean won't hold this against him. "He was attacking Meg. He hurt her, so I told him to back off and he goaded me."

Castiel doesn't normally have a short fuse, but Crowley dropping her and then teasing Castiel had been the last straw. Anger had been building between himself and Crowley for a long time, even before he'd betrayed the demon, and this had been it coming to a head.

"I don't exactly feel like the town has suffered a great loss at my hands."

Yeah, he's not surprised that Cas wanted to off Crowley, and Dean's not going to shed a tear, but not only is it abrupt, he's like. He wasn't even there -- he wasn't even invited. And a few days ago? With Meg? He killed Crowley with Meg and didn't even invite Dean? Cas was off killing demons with Meg while Dean had to be locked up in his room (because he was stupid, but recognizing that fact doesn't make Dean any less indignant)?

Dude, this blows. And he's... whatever, fuck it, he's jealous, and there's nothing frigging wrong with that!

"Wow. I. Okay." His eyes widen as he looks away, trying not to show that he's jealous. "Just like that, huh? Good job."

He's not doing a good job of hiding, like, anything, so he just gives up.

"Wish I could've been there to help."

Castiel picks up the change in the air, but he's not entirely sure what to do with it at all or even what it is.

"I found him hurting Meg. She was pretty banged up by the time I found them. I--you would pray to me if you were attacked, wouldn't you?"

He leans closer to Dean, further onto the bed. It's a genuine concern, because it seems that the people he cares most about have the biggest death wishes he's ever seen.

"Because Meg didn't. If I hadn't found them by coincidence, I think he might have killed her." His voice wavers a little, not just for Meg, but for Dean, too. He doesn't want to lose either of them because they're too proud to ask him for help. Helping them doesn't make him think any less of either of them, not when they've both helped him, too. That's... what family is supposed to be, right? At least Dean's idea of it.

He gets that it's not they planned to take him out and that makes it a little better; still, he feels left out. Left out of killing Crowley, and Dean totally had his name in the hat to help kill him, let's be honest now. He's trying to get over that stupid reaction because even he thinks it's stupid, and he doesn't quite understand it anyway. It's stupid he's jealous.

He tries to push back it in time for Cas to lean over, and Dean automatically leans back a fraction of an inch to make up for it. He's kinda surprised Meg didn't pray for him; shouldn't she be especially prone to taking advantage of the angel in her back pocket? Cas is clearly into taking care of her, if that waver in his voice is any indication, and oh, Dean picks up on it. Figures Cas would get hung up on a demon.

"Sure, Cas," he says, nodding. He would only if he didn't think he was calling Cas into someplace that would get him hurt too.

"You did good. Regular knight on shining wings. She okay now?" But more importantly. "You okay? He didn't get you too bad, did he?"

Castiel shakes his head. "We're both fine now. She's healing and Crowley didn't get his hands on me."

He wishes that he could make Dean and Meg understand that he needs them both to be safer. They're all in enough danger without the two of them being too stubborn to ask for help. He doesn't think any of them stand a chance if they don't work together.

They're family, right? That means they have each others' backs.

"I'm glad he didn't manage to get his hands on you." Because he knows Dean's no better than Meg when it comes to provoking enemies and of the three of them, Dean is the most fragile. In the time Crowley had hurt Meg, he easily could have killed Dean and then where would they be?

"Yeah, dodged a bullet there. I just have two angel dicks," who Dean can't kill for a variety of reasons, and he wouldn't over this unless they pushed him to it, "on my tail keeping me under house arrest." Rolling his eyes, he gets up, maybe not capable of having Cas on his bed with him right now, and he paces over to his window. He crosses his arms over his chest, looking out at the stupid town.

Dean's done some epically stupid shit since he got here, and he's been mean to Cas as part of it. He knows that, even when it's hard to get himself to stop. He's going to push Cas away if he works hard enough at it, and sometimes that feels like the goal, but he needs Cas, here and everywhere else. Back home, Cas is AWOL, and the thought of Cas disappearing from here leaves him feeling like he can't breathe.

The more he isn't a trickster, the less intense those trickster feelings of jealousy and rejection get, but that doesn't mean Dean doesn't feel them anymore; it's more the opposite, like now he feels them just enough to be able to look at them. The words he'd said as his trickster self, the ones that really drove the knife home -- they were definitely colored in a... distinct... way. And that's not even touching how much he'd wanted to kiss Cas, how much he'd... enjoyed kissing him. He can chalk a lot of that up to IncuCas, but he's had a lot of time to be alone in his room and try not to think about it. But if they kiss again, he probably won't even like it. No more IncuCas. That's all he was attracted to.

Except that's not IncuCas that he couldn't sit next to anymore, and it's not even exactly because when they get close, he remembers what Cas tastes like.

"Should we talk?" He turns from the window and drops his arms to his sides. "About what happened, about how we..." He gestures vaguely between them and gives up.

Castiel is honestly surprised that Dean would bring it up. He'd expected Dean to never acknowledge what had happened between them beyond the apology and Castiel had been just fine with that. Dean had hurt him, but if they discuss it more, he knows it will only hurt more, because Dean doesn't know just how close to the truth he'd been.

He stares ahead for a moment and then swallows thickly.

"No." Finally, he looks at Dean again. "No, Dean, we don't have to talk about it. I understand that neither of us were in control. You weren't the only one affected by the powers I had. It wasn't--It's okay."

There's a smile then, but it's a sad one. "You already apologized, Dean. I understand."

It's not about apologizing again, but Dean doesn't know how to say that either. It only matters if what happened between them then doesn't keep cropping up -- that is, if he can ever manage to forget about how much he wanted to kiss Cas, how much he'd enjoyed kissing him. Even now when he thinks the memory of that should weird him right the fuck out, it -- he feels uncomfortable, but not in a way that makes him want to bleach his mouth. Does that mean anything? Should it mean anything? And then there's the things he said, the way he'd talked about Cas's feelings.

He frowns, eyes flicking over Cas and then dropping away again.

"Okay," he says thickly, though he doesn't look convinced. He doesn't feel convinced. Letting the conversation stop here feels like chickening out, probably because that's exactly what it is. He hovers where he is, though he's too full of... everything to keep still, so he moves to get the sandwich Cas brought him and sits at his desk.

"Thanks for the sandwich," he murmurs, though he doesn't have much of an appetite now. He'll eat it though.

"Any other news from the outside?"

"Nothing else." He shakes his head, shooting a worried look at Dean and then at the wards on the window. "If they do anything that isn't harmless, call me and I'll come."

He'd said that he couldn't protect Dean from them, but that doesn't mean he won't try. "Be careful, Dean."

With that, he slips out of the room and leaves Dean to eat.

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have you talked to the man upstairs?

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