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(no subject)

Who: ~~Mama Bear~~Ellen and you!
Where: The land of dreeeeeams
When: Days 83-88
Warnings: Canonical death, destruction, demons… it’s Supernatural, so be warned

1. There’s propane tanks wired together. Pails of rock salt and nails are next to them. At the counter, two figures are huddled together, bloody, sweaty, with tear lines on their face. A blonde head rests against the shoulder of the older woman. Jo’s body is warm next to her. Their hands clasp around the switch together.

Then, there’s nothing but stillness. “Honey?” Her voice cracks. Her lips quiver when there’s no answer. She looks straight ahead and doesn’t blink. “Jo –“ The sob breaks free and her hand tightens on Jo’s. “It’s okay; it’s okay.” She sobs out. It is. It’s going to be okay. Ellen leans over and kisses Jo on the head. Her baby girl. “That’s my good girl.” She whispers.

She leans her head back and swallows the tears. A warm breath stirs her head and she glances out of the corner of her eye. “You can go straight back to hell, you ugly bitch!”

2. The pickup truck roars down the road, the windows open, headed for someplace unknown. Scenery whizzes past. Ellen is younger and looking at a map. Her hair is up in a ponytail, and her bare feet are on the dash. The nails are bright pink.

She’s munching on some fries. The other man is tall, lean. There’s a tattoo on his forearm that is simply her name and a heart. He tries to steal her fries. Ellen moves them out of the way without looking.

“Ellen.”

“Bill.”

The man, his green eyes laughing, huffs out a sigh. “I’m hungry.”

“Sure does suck.” She throws a fry at him and goes back to studying the map, marking something on it before stuffing a couple fries in her mouth. Then she starts laughing as he leans over and mouths her neck while still keeping his eyes on the road. “ACK! Drive! Drive, Bill! Eyes on the road!” She laughs, squirming away from him against the door. “Here, you big baby.” She offers her fries, laughing.

“Thank you.” He grins and pops a few into his mouth.

3. The roadhouse is empty and quiet. Ellen sits at a table. There are chairs on the other tables. The bar is clean, sparkling glasses shining from the towel they’re drying on. The jukebox is turned off. The fans overhead squeak softly.

In front of her is a picture of a blond man with green eyes, his arm around her and a pretty blonde baby girl in his other. There’s a bottle of whiskey in front of her and an empty tumbler.

Ellen’s eyes well with tears and then they fall down her cheeks, streaking through the dust from finishing up the evening cleaning. The door gently swings in the wind behind John Winchester as he left. She can’t quite feel yet.

A sob breaks free and Ellen’s fingers brush over the photograph. Her head falls forward onto her arm and she sobs to the floor, screaming out her husband’s name. She curls in on herself and just cries. She can’t breathe properly and the tears spatter her arm, the floor, her legs. She doesn’t care.

A warm hand lands on her shoulder and she jerks, falling off the chair. She stares upwards.

“Ellen, honey? What happened? Is it Joanna Beth? Where is she? What’s wrong?”

She surges up and grabs him, burying her face in his shoulder. “Bill… Bill, you’re okay. You’re okay.”

He cradles her to him. “Of course.” His head drops to drop a kiss on her shoulder. “What happened? Where’s Jo?”

“She’s fine. She’s… she’s with Felicia. I thought you were… John said that –“

He cups her face. “Of course I’m fine. It was just a demon. What did Winchester say?” He looks like his temper is sparking.

Ellen just shakes her head. “Nothing. It’s okay. Let’s go get Jo.”

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"John Winchester ruined them boys. He turned them into hunters when he didn't have to and made them both scared of and unafraid of the entire world. They would've been better staying with me."

She'd offered. She loved them boys, even back then. At least with her, they would have had a better upbringing.

"And leave it alone. This ain't the first time I've dreamed this. Won't be the last. Sometimes, it's nice, even if it is a dream."

The scene flickers around them and she whips around, watching the crystal blocks appearing and disappearing around them. "What the hell? What are you doing?"

"John did what Michael set him up to do. Had they been with you, you never would have been able to keep Sam safe from Azazel's followers, for starters. There's a lot to this you don't know, and it isn't any of your business, no matter what you think of what we did." Or how long they had been at it.

Raphael glances around, unconcerned. "Not my doing."

"I would have done a damn sight better than dragging them all over the damned country running from something that no one understood least of all John Winchester." She snaps. In her heart, that's the way it should have been: The boys and Jo with her at the Roadhouse; John out on the road, hell bent on his damned revenge.

"And I'm the closest damn thing those boys had to a mama, since theirs died. Don't tell me what is and isn't my business." She grinds her teeth. "Family don't stop at blood." And they were and are her family.

Damn she loves them boys.

"No, you wouldn't have." They wouldn't have allowed her to - nor would they have allowed them to not stay long term with someone not John. That had been their plan. It's not argumentative, though it is a bit smug, but plain, as if stating water was wet or fire hot.

"They were never really John's, much less anyone else's. We caused them to be born, designed it, set it up. I'm not doubting your love for them, or challenging it, but they were always meant to be tools for us." It's cold, perhaps, but from Raphael's point of view no different than humans breeding cattle or anything else.

She hisses in a breath, stung by his bluntness. She stares at him. "And Bill dying? All just part of the plan? Get the hell out of my head you great big winged dick."

Ellen turns around, not quite throwing the chair under the table. She just wants to be alone with what could have been.

Raphael can be perfectly blunt when he needs to be. "No, Bill wasn't. I don't desire to take a parent from a child, Ellen." He knew that hurt. "Sadly, that is the result of free will in action. People make choices that cause others pain, when it's not needed. They do things you don't like, even hate. Things you disagree with. That is what human life is."

"You're going to lecture me on human life?" She stares at him, incredulous. "Which one of us is human? I've lived the human life. I sacrificed my life for others, hoping to stop anyone else from dying. I've stitched up folks, held hands, burned bodies." She shook her head. "You think I don't understand what pain is? I've lived it, most of the days of my life. I've watched others deal with it. And I've watched it rip them apart and destroy them and everyone around them. So don't tell me about human life. Until you have one, shut the hell up."

"I wouldn't want to be, any more than you would want to be dragonfly or midge. But that doesn't mean that if you had sent your entire life watching over them, you wouldn't have some understanding of their lives." It's not dismissive - and he's not saying being human is a bad thing, if you are a human. But why would he want to be?

"And the fact that you have been through so much pain is entirely my point."

"I don't understand their lives. You think John's the first hunter with kids? Most don't yank them around the country, chasing something that won't bring the dead back." She sighs. "I understand pain. I understand hating something so much you need it dead." She actually does understand that part.

"But I can't see how destroying them boys over and over again made them into better people, better vessels. If anything, it made them damn sure to screw up your little plan." Meaning, they really should have been left with her. They might have said yes.

"I'm well aware of how most hunters raise their children Ellen." He ran his fingers of the wood under his fingertips. "But, no, you don't know his pain. You know what it is to loose a spouse, but not one that we tied to your heart." They had done too much to John to allow him to move on. "And him moving them around? It did protect them. Had I thought they would be safer, better suited to our purpose elsewhere, I would have arranged it. And, Sam would have. Azazel and his merry band stalked him, possessed his classmates, teachers, many people. John's sudden running was most often due to a demon getting ahold of Sam. John was just clever enough to recognize it, and track it. None of you could have, not then. And Azazel? He wanted Sam with John. Wanted him to feel like an outcast, he'd have killed you, or Jo, or both. Same as he did Mary, same as he did Jess. One of his demons introduced Sam to Jess, solely so they could kill her later." It was a harsh dose of truth, but one he felt that Ellen needed to hear. "And John? John did in Hell what no one managed to do, and I don't mean just clawing his way out from under Alistair and out of Hell."

"And by the way Ellen - Sam did say yes. Dean nearly did as well, before Sam. We didn't count on Castiel. If it wasn't for him, our plan would have succeeded." And Raphael was not happy about that, hated Castiel for that. Even though he loved his brother.

"Sam threw Lucifer back into the cage." She isn't as ignorant as she might have been. "Dean told me." And she trusts that boy. She'll talk to him about saying yes to Michael later, if she remembers.

"You think I don't know how hard them boys had it? I do. But it would've been easier, with me." Because they'd deserved a steadier home, a place to be where they were safe and loved and not having to eat spaghetti-o's out of a can.

"Sam threw himself in, and dragged my brothers with him." There's a very real edge to his voice, sharp and lethal - but quickly controlled.

"No, they wouldn't have. That's what I'm telling you. You, Bill, Jo? You'd have been hounded by demons until they killed you. Or possessed you." And with how rare those had been when the boys had been young - it wouldn't have been hard.

She snorts. "You think the boys are the first ones to have antipossession charms? I've had one tattooed on me since I was eighteen and I started hunting with Bill." It had been a compromise that her father had asked for. Saved her ass more than once too.

"Jo wore one for years, before I told her what it was." Because she didn't want Jo in the life, dammit. "Bill... he used to wear one. The chain broke before he went out with John. That's why he didn't have it." She shakes her head. "Get out. We're never going to agree and I don't give a damn what you think."

"I think my brothers and I killed most of the Knights of Hell and banished the demons to Hell, the knowledge needed to fully protect yourselves was lost."

He shook he is head, looking almost disappointed. "It not something we can agree on Ellen. Do you think we didn't look, run timelines, to see how to get what we wanted? If you would have kept those boys, all three of you would have been murdered. Think about that, before you criticize my brother and I." He's gone with that, not giving her time to answer.

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