Misty things dreams are

[servingmichael]

Who: Raphael and YOU
What: Dreamscapes
Where: Anywhere, everywhere, no where at all
When: Day 84 to 88
Warnings: Violence between siblings, torture, animal predation, death, parental abandonment (most aren't that bad though!)
Notes: What Raphael dreams about between family members, unless it's from the show or played out between players here shouldn't be taken for actual canon - dreams are strange things and in Raphael's case very symbolic.

The Four

Home

TRIGGER WARNING: Animal predation Horror

Brothers

A Special Place

A Special Creation

Betrayal

SPOILER WARNING for Season 8 finale in the links || TRIGGER WARNING for violence between brothers Broken

Abandoned

Vessels

Human Brothers

TRIGGER WARNING: Torture and abuse Anna

TRIGGER WARNING: Death and violence Killing Castiel

Birds

Comments

[hung_garian]

He snorted, demonstrating once again his complete lack of angelic dignity and composure. There was no denying that he'd been a complete brat when he was younger, and honestly, he wouldn't want to deny it.

"Lot of folks have been having pretty nasty dreams. Violence and blood and all sorts of unpleasant things. Guess you lucked out with this one, huh?" He wasn't entirely sure that it was lucky, though. During the time he'd spent human he'd experienced his fair share of 'proper' nightmares, but at least when he'd woken up and pulled himself together he could get over them. The good dreams tended to be more upsetting. At least for the nightmares 'just a dream' made it better rather than worse. That showed in his expression, just for a split-second, before he covered it up with a grin and an elbow in Raphael's side. "Course, it coulda been better. If I was gonna get stuck with recurring dreams, I'd at least want 'em to be sexy."

[servingmichael]

Raphael would argue Gabriel was still a brat, but he didn't care very much. It was comforting.

"This is better than the others." In some ways. It was worse than others but Raphael clung to it anyway, holding on tightly to proof they had all been happy once. He elbowed back, using the motion to cover grabbing Gabriel tightly for a moment before releasing him. "I'm going to need to dip you into disinfectant or something." Because ew Gabe.

[hung_garian]

Sometimes Gabriel thought it might be easier if they forgot how happy they'd been. He cherished the memories himself, but they were bittersweet at best, and at worst deeply painful: remembering how good things had been just made it even more difficult to know that they would never be that happy again.

"Better than torture, sure." He grinned up, waggling his eyebrows. "I'm not contagious, Raph, don't worry. I've only ever given people STDs intentionally."

[servingmichael]

Raphael would never say they weren't painful, they were. Deeply so. But he needed proof they had been happy, that they hadn't been created to destroy each other. It was the one thing he was clinging to. They weren't created to fail.

His jaw bunches up, brows knit. ew. "That we are having this conversation little brother. Maybe you might want to..." Gabriel sex is icky, don't make him say it.

[hung_garian]

"What's the matter, Mikey never tell you about the birds and the bees?"

He doesn't want an answer to that. He's aware Raphael knows plenty about sex - at least just about the mechanics of it. He's wary, though, of pushing too far on this topic: he doesn't mind his brothers thinking him odd, but he doesn't like the thought that they might be genuinely disgusted. Lucifer had seemed to be, and that gives him some pause - not about being promiscuous, of course, he wouldn't let that stop him, but just about bringing up the topic around the more traditional of his family.

"Fine. Not my fault you've got Victorian sensibilities."

[servingmichael]

Sex wasn't outright forbidden, but it was strongly discouraged - and Raphael would have been shocked if Gabriel didn't know that. Nephilim made it a bad enough idea, but Pagans...ick. And more for the point, it seemed a poor imitation of being able to each over and be touch each other with their Grace.

"It's better to just be, isn't it?"

[hung_garian]

Raphael was right. It was a poor imitation. But it was the closest Gabriel had been able to get in a very, very long time, and even something that only provided the barest of comforts was better than nothing. Sex let him feel close to people, even when it meant nothing to either party. Any other kind of intimacy, when he was isolated from his own kind and unable to be open or honest with any of his new family, was out of the question. That, when he'd been used to being surrounded by his brothers, had come as more of a shock than he'd anticipated, and it had left him very, very lonely. Any distraction from that, no matter how brief or hollow, was welcome.

"Very Zen. Not sure I agree, but hey, that sure as hell doesn't mean you're not right." After all, Gabriel was hardly known for deep moral insights, or even for doing the right thing.

[servingmichael]

"I meant like this." He wasn't trying to drag up painful feelings. But he also couldn't be sure Gabriel understood what he meant.

And when it comes down to it - Raphael hasn't been in a vessel enough time to really get the idea how things felt in one - part of why he kept so covered up was because then he could ignore other sensations, and he had gotten ill a few times as a cupid, because he hadn't felt things like hunger or need for sleep before.

[hung_garian]

"Not exactly an option these days. I'll take what I can get."

He figured Raphael must have known better than to think Gabriel wouldn't trade in a second, of course, if he could have the good old days back. Or if it could just be possible for Heaven to be now like it had been then, even if there was no way Lucifer's Fall could be undone. So long as Raphael knew that then Gabriel didn't need to acknowledge it, really, or at least he didn't need to express it emotionally - that much could just be unavoidably implied.

[servingmichael]

"What other option do we have?"

Raphael understood - and was doing much the same. He knew they couldn't have what was lost, and he did hate Lucifer for that. Blamed him for it, even if not all the blame was his. He just couldn't also blame Michael. He'd lost his faith in their Father, he had to hold onto something, someone, and that someone was Michael.

[hung_garian]

"Guess we don't have any. Just to make the most of it... ideally by way of promiscuity and substance abuse, but I suppose that isn't everyone's cup of tea."

Even if it seemed to be what most of the angels turned to, when they didn't have anything else to cling to. He didn't think of it as desperate or sad in himself, except perhaps initially, back when it had been just a form of escape, something to drown in and forget rather than something he really enjoyed. Seeing his own bad habits magnified in the Other Castiel, though, he'd reconsidered slightly just how much fun it really was - and how pathetic. Perhaps that was how he'd seemed to Lucifer. He didn't particularly like the thought.

[servingmichael]

Raphael had noticed it too, and he much shared the feeling: Burying yourself in sex and drugs was nothing short of pathetic and he wasn't drawn to it, and harshly discouraged it in others for that reasons.

But he doesn't voice it, there's little reason to. Instead he simply extends a wing and with it a push of his Grace towards Gabriel, part playful poke in the angelic shoulder, part leaning on. "That look doesn't suit you."

[hung_garian]

"Huh? Oh--"

He hadn't expected it to be obvious - his poker face had never been his strongest point, but it was usually good enough, at least. Except in dreams. That was perhaps his least favourite thing about them. They made subterfuge rather more difficult than usual. He shrugged it off - the concern, but not the wing, not by a long shot. He returned the gesture instead, leaning into the touch rather than pulling away. When it came to people he didn't mind knowing he cared, he'd always been a little more touchy-feely than most were comfortable with.

"You're right, of course. I should grow my hair out. It looks great long - shame that's been out of fashion for a while."

[servingmichael]

Gabriel was normally better, and dreamscapes did make it more difficult. But it was something else too - Raphael had struggled when he was young to contain and control emotions that he felt very strongly, and even more to understand them. Lucifer and Gabriel had been more open once, and Raphael had watched them closely trying to figure the puzzle of them out - not that it had dawned on him to ask either for help. And while he couldn't really read emotion on most of his siblings...the archangels where different. Not that he could understand what Gabriel was feeling, but he understood him enough to know he was upset.

And Raphael had never really been able to handle seeing others hurt, even if didn't always know how to help. When Gabriel didn't shrug off the wing, returned it, leaned into it, he drifted just a little closer, letting them pull against each other. It wasn't really what he had been dreaming about, but as he'd told Gabriel - they would take what they could get.