kore_logs | An overflow of guilt

Entry tags:

An overflow of guilt

Who: the Doctor, Mina
When: Day 104
Where: Mina's house
What: Feeling useless and full of guilt, the Doctor thinks he doesn't need anyone.
Warning: Will update when need to.

The Doctor had spent the entire previous day with Donna, concerned for her safety, and determined to do anything for her after a far too eventful day of near drowning with the sea monster. "The king of Sea Devils..." He commented, although the actual Sea Devils didn't have tentacles and were related to creatures that inhabited the earth long before humans, but that was a story for another time.

Around noon, Donna seemed to be perking back up and moving about and convinced him to go home to sleep some, but he wasn't tired. He was plain simply loaded with guilt and one of very few occasions, felt his age. Ancient, horribly unclever, and useless.

Sitting on the porch step of his house, he watched his worn brown suit blow in the wind as it dried. Clad in trousers and a clean button down shirt he hadn't bothered to button all the way, he finally slipped on his trainers and rummaged through his stuff, making a small pile of items that belonged to Mina - a couple books, another shirt he had meant to return, and a mug.

When evening came and the house became dark, he found his way to Mina's and knocked on her door. When she answered, he cleared his throat, "I have some stuff to return."

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She regarded his chest thoughtfully, fingers tracing invisible patterns across his skin. "You seem like the sort of bloke who would love children," she murmured. "Dote on them obsessively and disgustingly. Perhaps it's because you remind me so much of Jack."

Mina pulled away, resting her head in her palm, propped up on an elbow. "Tell me about your children."

"I... can't. Not much, really." The truth was? He wasn't around for much of their child-rearing days, and by the time he was, they were already in the academy, busy with their studies.

"I knew my granddaughter better than my children, honestly. She was the only one who seemed to care, I suppose." There was a shrug and he avoided Mina's gaze. "I wasn't anything like I am today. Literally, I was a completely different man." A daft, grouchy old man, to be precise.

Mina ran her tongue along the inside of her lip. It was a dangerous territory, she realized. As dangerous as it was to talk about the past with a Kindred. But the rules were so different here. They were cut off, literally, from the rest of the world. Worlds. And she didn't think there was any way she could ever use this information against him. Not even if she wanted to. Which she didn't.

Really, she was genuinely curious about this wonderful stranger.

"What do you mean?" she asked, treading as lightly as she could. "The only one who seemed to care? About what?"

"About getting to know me." He finally looks over, and briefly runs fingers along the side of her face. "I wasn't around much, which I suppose was the biggest problem. Susan insisted in getting to know me... And in the end, she was the first to travel with me in the TARDIS. We really had the best of times together. I was immensely proud of her." And now she was probably gone.

His hearts ached at that notion, but he masked it with a smile to Mina.

She closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his skin against hers. It was hard to imagine anyone, least of all family, not wanting to know this remarkable man. She sometimes had the sense that she could listen to him talk for ages and never get bored.

Confused, perhaps. But not bored. Never bored.

When she opened her eyes again, she offered him a smile, somewhere between a grimace and a grin. "Family is always difficult. You take what you can get from it."

"Mm, right. I suppose my head was elsewhere during all this time." There's a pause, "I think it always was. I wasn't the best pupil at the Academy, either. The Master often had to tutor me." But he also would wander off down by the river and found a mentor there.

The Doctor never had a good reputation among the Time Lords, and yet they always seemed to deem him fit for many of the Council's plans.

He turns towards Mina, continuing to lightly trace patterns along her cheeks and then her upper forearms. Right now, this was enough comfort he could ask for. Even for such personal revelations, being here next to her felt right.

Mina hesitated for a moment, a question poised on the tip of her tongue. She knew countless reasons not to ask it, but she couldn't help herself.

"And your wife?"

"Political marriage. Our families were high up in the Council elect." And that was pretty much all he had to say on that concept, he wasn't sure if there was much, if any, love involved. She probably felt the same contempt.

As much as she liked to push it, Mina knew when to stop. Or at the very least, redirect.

She leaned over, nuzzling his shoulder. Surprisingly sweet, considering who she was. "Well," she murmured, "you must have been terribly posh if you were important enough for a political marriage."

In a loud burst of laughter, the Doctor most likely startled Mina. "Definitely not! For lack of better terms, I was seen as a 'fuck-up' to the Time Lords. They never hesitated to get me to do their dirty work, no matter how dangerous the task was. If I had died at any point, I don't think anyone would've cared."

It was bitter subject, and although he mourned the loss of his people, there were times he wondered why. But it was the community aspect and the weight of responsibility that he carried with him for what he had done.

"You?" she said incredulously. "A fuck up?" She laughed. "I find that rather hard to believe. Of course, the naked woman in bed with you might have a little bit of a bias."

She leaned her head against his shoulder again. "I suppose we have that in common."

Despite her using his shoulder, he rolls over to where he was positioned above her, his arms to either side of her. "You? Biased? I can't imagine!" He was grinning mischievously before bending down an pressing his lips to hers.

"I didn't quite get on with the Council, if you hadn't figured that out yet." He mutters before another kiss.

She returned the kiss, raking her fingers through his hair. And laughed a little bit against his lips. "I can see you not getting on well with any Council," she replied, rubbing her knee against the side of his leg. "You are a stubborn pain in the neck."

Said entirely with affection, of course.

"You always know how to charm me." At least it was a well-needed distraction, but really, he did quite enjoy being around her too. If he had to officially admit it, he had grown feelings for her, which was something he'd never have predicted. Not with the wounds from Rose still fairly recent, but being trapped in a coastal town would do that to you.

He hated everything about this place, but Mina was definitely making this tolerable.

"I'm nothing if not charming," she replied, running her fingernails lightly down his spine. "A gentleman through and through, I assure you."

She paused. And a bit of a wicked grin spread over her lips. "Well, perhaps not through and through. As I imagine you've discovered for yourself, by this point. Of course, if not, I would be more than happy to demonstrate."

Mina had no idea how the Doctor had managed to bring this side of her out. But again, she had the marvel at the fact that she so enjoyed who she was, when she was around him.

"I can always double check?" He offered with a cheeky smile and a place of kisses along her jawline.

He hated to admit it, but she had helped him so very much since being here. He wasn't a dependent person; could function just fine on his own, but this connection had been reassuring and cases like this, greatly needed. It was a character flaw of his to build up all this guilt since occurring. The Doctor always felt like he should be the one to stop things or held responsible in preventing catastrophic happenings, but being trapped here has been worse than when the Time Lords exiled him to Earth. He truly was trapped here and after his break out attempt, things have only become worse and that more real to him. Mina helped stabilize him in more ways than one.

"Well," she teased, "you do call yourself a 'doctor.'"

Despite his limited demonstrations of medical understanding, thus far, Mina had been content with the name. That was often standard practice among Kindred, taking on some kind of epitaph.

She leaned her head back, granting him access to her neck and throat. For a moment, she closed her eyes, but they snapped open, rather abruptly. For some reason, it struck her all at once how utterly bizarre her behavior had been lately. It was all in exposing her throat like that. To a man who's name she didn't know.

How easily could a Kindred have her assassinated right now?

"What? What's wrong?" He noticed her eyes snapping open and her body coming to attention.

He pauses, freezing in his current position and looks towards the door, listening. He had superior hearing, but perhaps she caught something he missed; it was entirely possible as he had been doing his best to block out distractions and secondary thoughts at the moment.

But then as he waited, nothing made itself known. He wasn't picking up on any movements or sounds, and he looks back to her. Speaking in a whisper, he repeats his questions, "Is something the matter?"

In the silence, Mina felt horribly silly. She knew her paranoia was well-founded. And she knew that it wasn't applicable to this place. But old habits and all.

Gently, she caressed his face, turning her head to catch his eyes. "We have a very, very serious problem, darling," she told him, in a tone of voice that made it fairly clear that she was being cheeky.

The pad of her thumb brushed against his cheekbone. "It seems," she said, "that I want you to stay the night."

His heartsrate come down, and his eye looked her over, finally realizing she was just playing around. Quickly a smile was given, "Oh, that's a relief, then!"

He takes a hand a gently runs it through her damp hair, moving it out of her face, "If you want me to stay, I can stay."

Maybe it was a cop-out, but that didn't make it any less true, Mina realized. Her paranoia frightened her. But she decided in that moment that she wasn't going to let it spoil all her fun.

Well. She'd try, at any rate.

She brushed her cheek against his. "You are smart enough to be a doctor."

"Good thing that's my name, eh!?" He grins, turning his head to place a kiss.

"I'll stay for as long as you want me to. I like... being with you." Said freehand dug fingers through her hair, entangling in the wet strands as traced his lips down her neck and faintly presses kisses there.

At the moment, Mina was seriously entertaining the notion of just keeping him. He was far more affectionate than any pet or man she'd had. Seemed a bit silly to compare the two. And unnecessarily rude.

Instead, she grabbed the top sheet of the bed, pulling it sharply so that it fell over both of their heads. Only a thin, gold light filtered through. Like something out of a dream.

"What if I never let you out, hmmm?"

"I think we can work something out when the time comes." He pushes up, meeting her gaze with his own.

And at the moment, he couldn't imagine leaving right now anyhow. It was horribly romantic and intimate of him acting like this. It wasn't his usual style, but then Mina was so very different from anyone he's ever spent time with.

He lingered, studying her features a moment longer before fingers started tracing her collarbones and moved down to her right hip.

It was at once both romantic and a little unnerving to be under such close scrutiny. For all of her bluster and swagger, Mina was a little insecure about the way she looked. At least without her trappings. She could play a dramatic and dashing pirate king easily enough, but the role of a more intimate sort of companion...well...she felt grossly inadequate.

Perhaps more so because of the Master's idle chatter about the Doctor's experience with earth girls.

Not that Mina would ever own up to that.

"Well," she said, watching him from under half-lidded eyes, "I'm certainly open to negotiations."

An overflow of guilt

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