( day 45 ) you were supposed to return

[gleans]

WHO: Galen Howard and Jesse Finch
WHAT: Galen returns after disappearing for 24 hours
WHEN: Bright and early on day 45!
WHERE: House 20

[ Galen doesn't sleep often, anymore, but when he does, it's like a rock. His dreams are deep, and they're his; he knows he's dreaming, but he doesn't dare let himself venture out. Not when he could end up in the dark, where something will be waiting for him. There are already too many little dregs of that dog slipping around him, trying to get close enough to cling, to bite, and he can't let them.

The dreams are long, and they're deep, and they're his.

Something jolts him awake, though. Maybe it's a sudden sound, maybe it's the unfamiliar space around him, maybe it's the warmth beside him. Galen opens his eyes blearily, confusion and a sudden panic - familiar from the hospital - setting in -- but there's something familiar, something -- where is --

The warmth next to him, the body, that's Jesse, and -- oh, his heart nearly stops. He wants to -- but he can't. This has to be a mistake. Maybe he's still asleep, maybe he's punishing himself, maybe, maybe, maybe --

He brings a hand to his mouth and watches, chest tight, but even with the glassesless blur he knows what he sees. Any minute now, Jesse is going to wake up, look at him like that, and kick him out. Out of where, he still can't process, but that doesn't matter. Not right now. So he shifts, tries to slip out of bed without rousing Jesse, feels around for his glasses. ]

Comments

[rigging]

Did I say I ain't forgiving you? [ Jesse snaps back, and he moves away a little further when Galen sits up. Stop, stop, it's threatening. ] Where in the fuck did I say that? Where's the part where you don't get that I can't fuckin' instantly be alright with you getting in my head, parasite or not, huh?

It weren't you. But it had your face and fuckin' excuse me for feeling burned. [ Zero to sixty, he's pissed, gripping at the sheets again. ] Don't fuckin' talk down to me, I know what was in your head, I was there.

[gleans]

You said -- [ He flinches, swallows, shrinks back against the headboard. It's like walking on eggshells, and he has to be careful. He doesn't want Jesse to take off again. Not that he can go far, from what he remembers -- but still. ]

I'm not -- I'm sorry. Tell me what I can do to make it okay. Jesse, please. I don't wanna think about it anymore, and I know you don't either. How -- how long was I even gone?

[rigging]

[ Cool off. Jesse breathes in, and then kneads at his eyes with the heels of his palms. Galen's right, he really doesn't want to think about it, and - he thinks it's finally wearing off, he's hungry and tired and irritable.

He balks at the question, though. ] You -- not long. [ He shifts. ] Just a day. But it was enough. I thought you was gone for good. I thought they had you and were fuckin' with you, like -- we found that Coulson guy. While we looked for you.

I dunno.

[gleans]

[ A day. Holy shit. He almost doesn't hear the bit about Coulson -- oh, right, the housemate. He was missing. ]

You -- what did they do to him?

[rigging]

He's dead. [ Oh, wow, okay, so seeing a dead body hadn't registered last night, but it was pretty... pretty gruesome, and when he remembers it now, he feels sick to his stomach, curling up with his knees to his chest. He needs to go find Pinkman. He doesn't want to feel this way. ]

He's dead, and me n' Kenzi thought they just dropped him there. They coulda done the same t'you, I thought I was gonna find you in the fountain or washed up on shore and I -- I couldn't -- s-so I. You were only gone a day, I didn't mean to, I wouldn't have if you were here, so.

[gleans]

Oh my god. [ His eyes narrow, and hesitantly, he reaches out towards Jesse, wanting to pull him close. ] Jess, c'mere. Please. Wouldn't have what?

[rigging]

[ No, don't tell him. He'll get so angry. Jesse inches closer, hesitant. ] Nothing. Freaked out. I wouldn't have freaked out, I woulda just. I woulda waited. [ God, he feels like he's gonna throw up. It's not even withdrawals, he just can't get the image out of his head. ]

[gleans]

[ He's twitchy. Something's wrong. Galen carefully grasps for Jesse's hand, other hand reaching for the night table, for his glasses. ] No, no -- don't. Tell me. Please.

[rigging]

[ Oh, yay, he gets to see Jesse's bruises clearly. They're all down the side of his face, and purple and blue and black against his chest and stomach. They don't mesh well with his tattoos. He lets Galen hold his hand, but he shakes his head. He logically knows lying will make it worse, but he doesn't want to. ] What, now you don't believe me? I -- I just.

I got into a fight, s'all, it ain't even that bad. [ Maybe that'll be a cover. ]

[gleans]

[ Once Galen gets his glasses on, he nearly gasps, and sits forward enough to touch Jesse's shoulders, his face -- gentle, hesitant. He hasn't been able to do this in so long. And that smell... ]

With a fucking bulldozer? [ A beat. ] What's that smell?

[rigging]

Close enough. [ He mutters. And then, freezing up. ] ... What smell?

[gleans]

I don't know. [ He leans closer, sniffs. ] There's just -- something. Why are you so twitchy?

[rigging]

[ He fidgets. ] M'not. [ It's like talking to Bruce all over again. He doesn't want to rat Pinkman out, but he doesn't want to incriminate himself, either, but -- bros before yoself, right? Except Kenzi knows. Because Jesse blurted it out to her.

So if Jesse doesn't say, Kenzi will, and Jesse knows it's better if Galen hears it from him. ] I was with Pinkman last night, and - he had. [ HE DOESN'T WANT TO SAY IT. He squirms away from Galen. ] Stuff.

[gleans]

[ Galen's heart sinks. All of that, with the nightmares, with Jesse not wanting to talk to him, and now this. He slides his hand down Jesse's arm, to wrap around his fingers. ] Stuff, like -- drugs?

[rigging]

[ It makes him uncomfortable, and he doesn't want uncomfortable, he wants to go to sleep. But Galen takes his hand and Jesse can't look him in the eye. ] Mm.

I didn't know you were coming back like this. I thought you was gonna come back fucked up or not at all. [ It's his excuse. ] Kenz was wrecked 'cause of the d-- dead guy. I didn't wanna think. [ Don't yell at him. He's already scrunching up in anticipation. ]

[gleans]

Shit. [ Galen reaches up and quickly wipes his eyes, throat tightening. Sure, it's good to know that he has this much impact on Jesse, but -- no. That's not okay. Jesse said himself that that was a part of his life he didn't want to go through again.

He doesn't yell, but he doesn't say anything, at first. Galen gets up onto his knees and edges closer, still wary of scaring him off, then brings his hand to Jesse's unmarked cheek and kisses the fresh bruises, lips quivering. Don't fucking cry. ]

God. It's -- s'okay, baby, I'm back, I'm not going anywhere. C'mere. How -- how long ago did you take them?

[rigging]

[ He doesn't yell, and Jesse curls into the touch. He doesn't hesitate, not right now, because he's not asleep, and he knows it. He doesn't know how he does, he just does, and -- well, if it is a dream, whatever. He can comfort himself this way. Nobody else is going to do it. Jesse turns and presses his face against Galen's chest, sniffing, clinging at the back of Galen's shirt. He's here. He's not gone.

He should tell Kenzi but for right now, all Jesse wants is Galen to himself, until the other shoe drops. ] While ago. [ He mumbles, twitching. ] Hours ago. Lasts real long. Think m'starting t'come down, though, I -- m'hungry, I ain't slept, my head hurts.

M'sorry. [ He knows Galen's probably just as tired. ] M'sorry, I can't sleep.

[gleans]

Ssh. [ He rests his forehead on Jesse's shoulder, because he really is tired. ] S'okay. I'll get you something. Just. Fuck. Please, don't do it again.

[rigging]

Okay. [ He mumbles, holding on tightly. He doesn't think he can manage to cry, but he's bone-deep exhausted. ] I wanna do it again. [ It's more of a warning than anything. Not that he's going to - just. That he wants to. ] I dunno I can stop myself. [ He doesn't want to promise he'll try because if that falls through, well... ]

[gleans]

I'll stop you. [ He lets go of Jesse's hand to drape his arms around Jesse's neck and hold him close -- as long as Jesse allows it, anyway. ] Just stay with me, it'll pass. What the hell did he give you?

[rigging]

He didn't give me nothing. [ It wasn't Pinkman's fault. Jesse's an adult, he made a decision, he made a choice. Pinkman gave him an opportunity, and he took it. Jesse lets Galen hold him, still clinging to his shirt. ] I got - I got meth. From him. Hadn't done it afore, but. Did what I wanted it to. [ Might as well be honest. ]

[gleans]

Oh my god. [ He's -- really not expecting that. For a second, he feels like he's going to barf. ] Where the fuck did he get -- oh my fucking god. Jess, you can't do that again.

[rigging]

S'not even that bad. [ Jesse mutters, hunching up. ] Ain't the worst thing I've done.

[gleans]

That's not the fucking point. [ Galen holds him a little tighter. ] You worked so fucking hard to get clean. I won't let you fall back off. You're better than that.

[rigging]

[ Is he, though? He doesn't say it. All Jesse does is wrap his arms around Galen's neck and close his eyes. ] I know it ain't fair to ask. I know you got -- you got the dream stuff, now, I dunno how it works now, but I know you got it. But - I need you t'stop me. 'Cause I can't do it. [ It's hard to say. He sniffs. ]

... I promised I wasn't gonna leave. Alright?