kore_logs | An overflow of guilt

Entry tags:

An overflow of guilt

Who: the Doctor, Mina
When: Day 104
Where: Mina's house
What: Feeling useless and full of guilt, the Doctor thinks he doesn't need anyone.
Warning: Will update when need to.

The Doctor had spent the entire previous day with Donna, concerned for her safety, and determined to do anything for her after a far too eventful day of near drowning with the sea monster. "The king of Sea Devils..." He commented, although the actual Sea Devils didn't have tentacles and were related to creatures that inhabited the earth long before humans, but that was a story for another time.

Around noon, Donna seemed to be perking back up and moving about and convinced him to go home to sleep some, but he wasn't tired. He was plain simply loaded with guilt and one of very few occasions, felt his age. Ancient, horribly unclever, and useless.

Sitting on the porch step of his house, he watched his worn brown suit blow in the wind as it dried. Clad in trousers and a clean button down shirt he hadn't bothered to button all the way, he finally slipped on his trainers and rummaged through his stuff, making a small pile of items that belonged to Mina - a couple books, another shirt he had meant to return, and a mug.

When evening came and the house became dark, he found his way to Mina's and knocked on her door. When she answered, he cleared his throat, "I have some stuff to return."

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When Mina's eyes opened, there was a distinct lack of storm in them. Which was funny, since the water was still pouring own on both of them. She reached out, touching the back of her hand to his cheek. It would probably be appropriate to say something, but Mina couldn't quite land upon the right thing. She had that same problem for almost any kind of intimacy.

While dithering away about it, she found herself slicking back the Doctor's wet hair. Her fingers ran over his head. She leaned in, kissing him lightly.

And somehow, that was naturally the moment she thought of the appropriate reply of, "I'm okay."

His reply to that? A very cheeky smile and a pleased hum of approval of her hands in his hair.

"Didn't scare you off, did I?" He already knew that answer, but right now, who had to be serious?

He managed to pull back the shower curtain, and find a towel. Draping it over her head, he began drying off her hair for her, just because he could.

Mina laughed, deep in the back of her throat. "You give yourself too much credit," she said. "I've encountered far more frightening things in my life than you. Remind me, someday when we've run out of pleasant conversation, to tell you about my mother."

Absently, she ran her hands over his chest, letting him fuss with her hair. Her mind reviewed the experience, as it was wont to do. There were still lingering...sensations.

She was quite certain she'd never realized before how purple the number ten was.

"Oh I can be scary." That was an understatement, when his oncoming storm brewed up and fierce anger overcame him. Although, Mina had witnessed it, when he went Time Lord Victorious and extreme obsession and arrogance pushed him over the edge. And Donna was right, he did need someone to stop him, and yet.... No one did. In the back of his mind, he wondered why Mina didn't stop him, but perhaps she had placed hope upon him and thought maybe he would've broken through.

But he didn't want to think about that now, and he offered a soft smile to her, finishing towel drying her messy hair and liking the feeling of her warm hand upon him.

She thought about it a moment, before nodding in agreement. "You scared me tonight a little bit," she admitted. "Before, when you were doing everything in your power to get away from me. For a moment I..." It was rather embarrassing to admit, "...I thought I'd overestimated your character. I'm much relieved to know that I didn't."

Her fingers strayed across his chest, from one heart to the other. As a doctor, she would never get used to that.

As a person, she would never get used to it.

Then again, she'd never been naked in a shower with a man who could tap right into her central nervous system before. The world was a funny, little place.

He frowned and looked away, "I feel guilty and responsible for a lot of things here, truthfully. I have no control, which is fine and dandy, but... Well, I suppose it makes me look quite arrogant to say I haven't had things work in my favor here for a very long time, and I'm typically so clever. I don't like being trapped or mocked, and I feel exactly that, and I've let a lot of people down."

It wasn't like to open up like this; he didn't like to talk about feelings and internalizations, but she might've picked up on the negativity, not only from their previous interaction this evening, but when he allowed her inside his mind.

"I still don't think.... Ah bollocks. Forget it."

Cupping his chin in her fingers, Mina stared straight into his eyes. "Forgotten," she said. Perhaps not the proper word to use. 'Forgiven' seemed more appropriate. But Mina wasn't up to arguing.

Really, she was surprisingly content at the moment.

And to keep him from spoiling it, she kissed him.

He managed to loop the towel around the back of her neck, letting the ends rest just about her breasts as he returned the kiss with equal intensity, if not more.

This... he didn't think he could tire of. She was brilliant, and even though comes off as perhaps cold to the outside world, was so much more than that. The Doctor felt she didn't judge him, at least not horrible harshly, and listened to him. Maybe this was all post-haze of sharing a mindspace with her, but at this moment in time, he couldn't imagine anyone else being able to ease him from the guilt he held onto with an iron fist.

She could have gone on for some time, but she yielded. Largely to the fact that the Doctor probably had to breathe, at some point. Inconvenient thing. Breath. But no one was perfect.

Pulling back slightly, Mina rested both palms on his chest. "Now, I want you to explain it all to me," she said. "Every single bit of it. I have never felt anything like that my entire life."

Although she hoped there would be more of it in her future.

"C'mon, then. I'd rather not be stuck in a shower." He places one quick kiss to her cheek before stepping out and finding a towel for his own use and wrapped it around his waist.

Sitting on the edge of her bed, he waited for her to join him. "It's simple, really. I just take the back door - like a stage, and then follow the lights leading to the nerves. Human nerves aren't terribly complicated and I know well enough what controls what exactly for you." There's a simple shrug, "Humans don't feel pleasure the same as Time Lords, and... Well..." He runs his tongue along the tops of his teeth, trying to find the words, "I can function as a human in that aspect, but this is more for me, and gauging by the reactions, rather intensely so for humans. I can play with feelings and physiology, that's not so hard..." He actually was rubbish at manipulation, but could move around the brain with relative ease.

Mina sat beside him on the bed. She listened to him ramble, bristling only slightly at being called a 'human.' It stood to reason. Her biology was identical to a human's--well, a dead human's, anyway.

What he said about his abilities was a little more troubling. Not because she hadn't enjoyed the whole thing. She had. Immensely. But the way he said it: 'I can play with feelings.' That was a little bit frightening, actually.

"It's similar to a Kindred ability," she said, "although it influences the mind more than the body."

"Can you do that?" He knew she had capabilities to tap into his own brain space as well, but he wondered what influences she had, and then wondered how much of him did she see? He kept an eye out, and felt she didn't get involved too deeply, or at least stayed away from the closed doors.

And then his focus turned serious and he cupped her face in a his hand, "And if something is ever bothering you, you can come to me, yeah?"

Now where on earth had that come from? Despite her mental aptitude, Mina was not a mind-reader. Nor was she especially good at reading people based on social cues.

What was going on in that head of his?

She realized, with a dull sense of irony, that she was probably better equipped to answer that question after tonight. But she was still somewhat baffled.

"I told you once tonight," she said. "There's no one else in this entire village I would turn to."

With a bemused purse of lips, he nods. "Right..." A pause, "But can you? Influence my mind?" He was curious, and if he wanted to be horribly cheesy, she already had influenced him far more than she probably knew.

If the Master hadn't been around to save him, he wondered how far Mina would've gotten before the risk of losing her own sanity. And then who was next? Castiel was the only other one he knew capable of tapping into someone else's mind.

It was a dangerous thing, being a Time Lord. There was little who can help him, although he did have friends in high places he could rely upon. If anything, plenty of debts that were owed to him, despite the face change a time or two.

"I can influence a human mind," she replied. "But I don't think I've ever tried to influence the mind of an extraterrestrial before. I've never had cause."

Some Kindred had made futile attempts to use their disciplines on the True Fae. The results had been...well...funny to a bystander, she supposed. Every effort had bounced off of the Kindred, reflecting back like a mirror and causing them to do some truly bizarre things.

The humour only wore off as they realized the extent of the threat the True Fae posed.

She shrugged. "I would have to try it. And I don't imagine you fancy the notion."

He dwells on that, looking very thoughtful and distant for a moment. He then finally turns back to her, "Not today, no."

Lying back, bringing his arms behind his head as pillows, his brows raise in slight bemusement, looking to Mina, "There's been alot of 'firsts' here for you, eh? Alot of unexpected things - people - more specifically. Angels. Mechanical bears. Random scientists. Mutants. All under one roof of chaos." His lips upturn into a wicked smile, "It's like Big Brother, only without the judging. Y'know, I was on that show once... It was a bit goofy, really. A satellite with nothing but reality shows and then all under the watchful gaze of the Daleks."

And he nearly lost Rose that time... How things have changed.

Mina had no idea what 'Big Brother,' reality shows, or satellites--beyond the obvious references to the moon--really were. For every wonderful first she'd had in Kore, there were so many other references that she simply didn't understand. Which, naturally, bothered the woman used to being the smartest person in the room.

She pursed her lips a moment, before letting it go. Just another hazard she would have to endure.

She lay down beside the Doctor, resting her head on his shoulder. Perhaps it was a tad more intimate than she normally got, but at the moment, she saw no reason to hold back with intimacy. Not after tonight.

"That's something I've always loved about humans," she said. "They're always creating new things. Vampires aren't as good at that."

"I think you are." He glances over and offers a smile, "But humans are brilliant at that kind of thing. Really quite brilliant. Just when you think they've died off or you're in some remote part of the universe, there they are." He had such a fondness for humans, something he was often laughed about when spending time with the Time Lords. They're were seen as daft amusing little apes - all pink and yellow and loud.

What would they think of him now? Trapped in a pocket universe with the whole lot of them, and angelic creatures on top of that, and vampires? It seemed comical to think of such a thing.

How is life had changed. Especially given he couldn't imagine finally recovering over the guilt and loss of his friends back in his original timeline - Rose and Donna. Would they be the same if he were to return?

"There are some vampires," she said with a sigh in her voice, "that see it as their duty to exist only to remind humans that hell exists. They think that God made them monsters in order to enforce piety among the living." Her distaste for the Lancae Sanctum ran deep. Although, she reflected, perhaps she was as misguided about them as they were about her.

That didn't seem likely, but there were always possibilities.

"And then there's my covenant," she said, running her fingers along the lines of his chest. "I think we emulate humans in some ways. We want to create. Create life. Which, of course, we can't do. So we find other ways. That's one of the reasons I became a doctor." Aside from the fact that she liked money and prestige, of course. "My little way of creating life."

"'Create life'... as in have children?" He glances over to her with great curiosity. "Have you... ever had a child?" She never spoke of it, so he assumed she hadn't. He, on the other hand, had, and was a rubbish father. It was something he never, ever liked to talk about due to the guilt he carried from it. It was his granddaughter, Susan, who changed him for the better in that aspect.

And talking about other vampires only proved there was so little he yet knew about her.

Mina chuckled softly. "No." It was a sore subject for some vampires. Especially the ones who had left behind children. It was either a painful reminder of a life they'd lost or of a life they didn't want to remember. "As it turns out, that was never a possibility for me." Her eyes crinkled a little bit in amusement. "Pretended to be pregnant once, though. To escape being hanged."

She'd died anyway. But at least on her own terms.

"What about you? Do Time Lords have children?"

"Oh yes." He rubs at an eyelid, "Sex is almost strictly for reproduction purposes. Marriages were for unions and political purposes, much like the ancient days in the monarchy." He glances back to her, "I've been a father, but I'm not proud of it; I was absolutely rubbish."

There was much about Time Lords he wasn't proud of, and after figuring out they had manipulated the Master his entire life made him angry.

She regarded his chest thoughtfully, fingers tracing invisible patterns across his skin. "You seem like the sort of bloke who would love children," she murmured. "Dote on them obsessively and disgustingly. Perhaps it's because you remind me so much of Jack."

Mina pulled away, resting her head in her palm, propped up on an elbow. "Tell me about your children."

"I... can't. Not much, really." The truth was? He wasn't around for much of their child-rearing days, and by the time he was, they were already in the academy, busy with their studies.

"I knew my granddaughter better than my children, honestly. She was the only one who seemed to care, I suppose." There was a shrug and he avoided Mina's gaze. "I wasn't anything like I am today. Literally, I was a completely different man." A daft, grouchy old man, to be precise.

Mina ran her tongue along the inside of her lip. It was a dangerous territory, she realized. As dangerous as it was to talk about the past with a Kindred. But the rules were so different here. They were cut off, literally, from the rest of the world. Worlds. And she didn't think there was any way she could ever use this information against him. Not even if she wanted to. Which she didn't.

Really, she was genuinely curious about this wonderful stranger.

"What do you mean?" she asked, treading as lightly as she could. "The only one who seemed to care? About what?"

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