kore_logs | for my brother, who keeps me sane

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for my brother, who keeps me sane

Who: Raphael and Gabriel
Where: Gabriel's room in House 11
When: Late night Day 77/obscenely early morning Day 78
What: Raphael is basically a stray cat. At least he doesn't scratch up the doors?

It isn't the first time Raphael's appeared in Gabriel's room when no one else is around, and Gabriel expects (hopes) that it'll be far from the last. Even if the relationship is tense to say the least, too many accusations and apologies still waiting to be made, it's hard to stay away now, after so long apart. Especially with Lucifer still missing, it's a comfort to Gabriel to be reassured every now and then that Raphael's still around. And, well, it has been a while since he's been able to just sit and talk with his brother about nothing at all. Perhaps that in itself is a bad idea - they do have a lot of things to discuss that are actually important, after all - but emotions are for puny humans and if they ignore their problems long enough, they'll go away, right? Right. It's always worked in the past. So, until something happens to actually force them to talk about Feelings, Gabriel at least is perfectly happy to pretend nothing's wrong between them. And the best way to do that is, obviously, to continue his mission to find some candy that Raphael actually likes. So, when Raphael does turn up (and Gabriel will deny forever that he's been sitting there and waiting), he's greeted not with any actual words but with the packet of gummy bears Gabriel lobs at his head.

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Heaven is huge really. It's something most angels haven't felt, Raphael doesn't believe. Standing still and feeling the vast emptiness of it all. Heaven's bubbled against each other, angelic places flung into far corners, the Garden at the center, a Throne Room devoid of anything at all. One by one, those who had made that vastness home had fallen away, God, Lucifer, Gabriel, then Michael. God had infused Heaven with life and love, it was almost tangible, unnoticed until He wasn't there. Lucifer had filled Heaven with light, Gabriel with joy, Michael held everything together, steady and firm. Raphael couldn't do that, couldn't do any of that, much less all of it. And the vastness pressed on him - then he was here. And Lucifer had been. He may not have been interested in them, which hurt, but he wasn't the oldest anymore. And now, once again he was. But he wasn't alone, Gabriel was still here. Gabriel's heavy presence, rolling like his own rather than the eldest pair's steady weight, and his ability to make Raphael laugh...not he can't imagine going without that again. It's why he keeps coming back.

And it's why he expects a similar greeting really - and why wouldn't there be? - but he still has to squirm to the side to catch the packet rather than be hit in the face. The plastic crinkles in his hand and he takes a minute to squeeze it gently, feeling it give and yet still protect what's inside. Plastic had been one of neat things humans had invented that Raphael had been interested it. It had so much potential.

Carefully pulling it open, he sits down next to Gabriel, leaning into his space. "What are these?"

Whether Raphael realises it or not - and it's most likely that he does, because at least to Gabriel's mind, it's painfully obvious - his presence has a similar effect on Gabriel. He's better at coping on his own, always has been: the loss of Lucifer and their Father had been world-shattering, of course, but when he'd left it had been his own decision. That had made it easier, but it hadn't made it easy. Raphael is solid, dependable, anchoring in a way that Gabriel's been trying to replace for centuries. After all this time of trying to cling to one fragile, dysfunctional relationship after another, of having each and every one of them collapse no matter what he does, the (probably deceptive) easiness of this relationship with Raphael is almost unbelievable. He's convinced, of course, that sooner or later it'll be ruined. It always is, and God knows there's a whole host of fractures that could be the end of it, but for now, he's happy - more than just happy - to let himself have this.

He leans in too, ostensibly just to poke at the packet, though he neglects to move out of Raphael's personal space afterwards. It could be just a mistake. Everyone forgets things sometimes, don't they? And personal space is such a difficult concept for the angels. He assumes Raphael won't call him on it.

"They're gummy bears. Candy for sadists with childhood trauma about their teddies. They taste like plastic - try one, you'll hate them."

Raphael knows they function better together. It why he still believed Gabriel would come back, long after he gave up any belief their Father ever would. And having his little brother back, that means a lot to him. Even if almost all the Host were his younger siblings, no one could deny the archangels were special to each other. There was a fondness to how Raphael called them 'Brother' that just wasn't there with anyone else.

Maybe he should have gone after Gabriel. Maybe he should have looked harder, looked longer, found him, and held on. He'd been afraid of what Michael might do, afraid of Gabriel hating him. So he hadn't. But now? Now how he'd fight.

He shifts a little as Gabriel leans in, not away, but adjusting, settling so that they are fit together in a way that doesn't pin either of them in. "Why do you eat things that taste like plastic?" But he did bite the head off one and chew it. There was a faint flavor of cherry, as much as chemicals ever really tasted like fruit, but he squeezes the body between his fingers a little, softening it up.

From time to time, he almost does wish Michael or Raphael had brought him home. It's not often, but when he thinks about what a mess Heaven's in, how broken his brothers are (and he tries not to think about it, he does, but sometimes he can't help himself), he wonders whether things might have been different had he stayed. Usually, he entirely believes the only difference would be that he'd be broken too, but there are moments - just moments - when the what ifs are overwhelming. The truth of it is that had Raphael taken him back, he wouldn't have been able to get over the resentment. Even in the moments of doubt, he knows that.

Here, though, there's a chance to have his family back without all the resentment. Even coloured by the past as all their interactions are, especially with Lucifer, there had never been a possibility for peace at home: here, they already have a truce with Lucifer, albeit a grudging one, and Raphael is sitting next to him being dubious at candy. The fact that they're in captivity and occasionally experimented on... well, maybe this is terrible of him, but he doesn't care. He wants to get Lucifer back - and he hasn't been gone that long, and their captors had given back Balthazar and Anna, hadn't they? Lucifer will be coming back - and, tentatively, he wants Michael. But he doesn't want to leave.

"Why not? Most cheese tastes like feet and brussel sprouts taste like nothing that oughtta be mentioned in polite company. People eat those. And radishes. At least plastic's relatively inoffensive."

He watches Raphael's reactions probably a little too intently. It's easy to forget to play human, just in the little ways - the ways he usually makes fun of Castiel for, mainly. But he wants to make the most of this, if everything does go to shit, and there's something about seeing Raphael acting so young again that makes something twinge in his chest. It'll make this whole thing worth it on its own, even if he never finds any kind of candy that Raphael likes, but that's why he's so determined to manage it. He wants to find something that'll make Raphael smile, if only for a moment. He used to be able to do it so easily. He needs to be able to do it again. Perhaps that's selfish, after all he's done, but being selfish has never mattered to Gabriel. He likes to think of it one of his best characteristics.

Raphael has never stopped wanting his brothers back. He can't say he really wants God back, not now. He's too hurt, too bitter, about everything now - he'd thinks he'd just grow to resent Him being back. And that would cost him so much...no, it's better if God stays away. But he wants his brothers back, enough that it's almost an ache in his Grace. And he wants home, even if he's not sure that's even a want worth entertaining.

"Brussel's sprouts taste like cabbage." The rest he wouldn't argue with, couldn't, but Donnie ate those at least, so he knew what they tasted like. Sort of.

He doesn't notice Gabriel's slip - probably because he's never really learned them himself. He just knows that this is easy, in a way he can't have with anyone else. So he just plays with the headless gummy a bit, until it's warmed a little, and flicks it at Gabriel's hair.

Gabriel doesn't think he'll ever be able to think of Heaven as home again. Even if by some miracle the family were to resolve their differences and come back together, too much will have happened for him to be entirely comfortable there, not the way they were before, at least. Earth is his home now, if anywhere is, but he's just as content to not have one.

"I told you you weren't supposed to mention it. What, am I not polite company?" He smirks and doesn't quite manage an innocently martyred expression, because yeah, he's well aware that he's pretty much the opposite. "I'm hurt, Raphael. Shock--"

The gummy bear in his hair is a surprise, though. Enough so that he freezes. Did Raphael just... yes, he just did that. After a few blinks, he snaps back to himself, grins and grabs another gummy bear from the bag to throw at Raphael.

"Oh I'd say you are shocked." There's just enough of an upturn to his mouth that the smug set of his eyes is playful, rather than condescending. He didn't get to surprise Gabriel often - he never had been playful in the same way. His sense of play was just different.

He pulled the bag back - too late - and just stays still, watching, waiting for the throw.

With probably any other angel it would have an air of tension, a fight that wasn't a fight. But this, at least on Raphael's end, was lacking any under current. Rather than soldiers sparring, it was more juvenile goats playing at headbutting.

"Maybe I thought you were more mature than this." It'd sound a whole lot more like an actual remonstration if it didn't sound so approving. Maturity, in Gabriel's opinion, is a curse rather than a virtue.

It'd also be more chiding if Gabriel, knowing he's lost the element of surprise as far as throwing the gummy bear goes, hadn't decided to sneakily (or... not) try to stuff it down Raphael's collar instead. It's considerably more childish than he'd usually be, but being around his older brothers again brings that out in him. Little brothers - gotta love 'em, right?

"Immaturity would be licking them and then sticking them to yo-" HEY! Good thing his collar is pretty stiff and tight, because Gabriel isn't going to manage this without taking Raphael's tie off. He tossed the packet to the food and shifts his shoulder, bumping Gabe's arm up and tucking his chin.

He hadn't expected to succeed - even if he had been inclined to fight, Gabriel wasn't all that good at it. Besides, he was pretty sure putting sticky candy down Raphael's shirt would be a good way to avoid familial tension. He gave up immediately, laughing, plonked himself back down and settled for eating the bear instead. Limbs first, one by one, then the body and finally the head.

"Okay, so maybe gummy bears aren't your thing. Or... any chemical-y sweets." He left the packet where it was (waste not want not, right?) and frowned, considering. "Chocolate? You like chocolate? -- what am I saying, everyone likes chocolate."

A snap of his fingers, entirely pointless given that Raphael knew exactly how their powers worked, and a chocolate bar dropped out of the sky into Raphael's lap - in its wrapper, fortunately for Raphael's trousers.

Raphael wasn't looking to fight either. If anything it was probably more akin to a puppy wanting to chew on a littermate's ear because he was restless. "What did that poor little bear do to you?" It's dry, with just a faint quirk to his mouth.

"I just don't understand why you enjoy it." He picked up the bar and started unwrapping it. It smelled better than the gummy bears did, at least. He sniffed it a bit before breaking off a piece and biting into it, chewing it. "This isn't bad."

"Huh? Oh-- nothing. I just didn't like the look it was giving me."

Also, he had daddy issues and he was a complete sadist, but those were not things that needed saying aloud. Besides, it was just a gummy bear. It wasn't as if it had feelings - if it had been a real bear there might have been cause for concern, but then, he probably wouldn't have been eating one of those. Not enough sugar.

"I'm sure there's a lot of things I enjoy that you wouldn't understand." There was a hint of innuendo there, but that was force of habit rather than deliberate. Sexual references were great for freaking out Winchesters (he always did find the expressions Dean made in response hilarious), but Lucifer had seemed quite disapproving of his promiscuity, and he doubted Raphael would be any more impressed. Considerably less so, probably, if he even understood any of the references Gabriel made. "It's not, huh? Less plasticky, for sure."

It still didn't seem quite right, though. Almost every angel there was had a sweet tooth, but... well, perhaps it was the suit, or perhaps it was the personality, but Raphael and chocolate bars didn't seem a perfect mix. Gabriel 'hmph'ed, and (without warning) replaced the rest of the chocolate bar with a bar of solid dark chocolate.

Not right either, even before Raphael could have had a chance to try it. He glared at the chocolate, which apparently was being wrong on purpose, then grinned. Had this been a cartoon, a lightbulb would've blinked into existence over his head. Actually, it might have happened anyway, but at least on this occasion he resisted the temptation. The new chocolate changed again, becoming a small, shiny cardboard box.

"Coffee beans, with dark chocolate coating. It's proper grown-up candy. You don't even have to have a mental age of six to get away with eating it - c'mon, you might even like this."

So maybe he seemed a little more excited than he should have at that prospect. Plausibly, it could be explained that the chocolate was some kind of metaphor. More likely, though, he just thought this whole thing was fantastic - step two of his plan to corrupt the entire Host through the medium of food.

"Do they even have eyes?" It was Gabriel, he wouldn't put it passed him to have put candy eyes on the things. But mostly he was (attempting) a joke - not that he'd ever really been good at them, even when he'd been far less stiff.

He waited while Gabriel transfigured the candy around - the dark chocolate had smelt better than the other one, and he shook the box lightly, hearing the beans roll around inside. Normally a Gabriel that excited spelled a prank, but that wasn't his prank voice, so Raphael carefully opened the box and tossed one into his mouth.

It wasn't chemical tasting, at all. It was sweet, but not so sweet that was all he tasted, and the dark chocolate and coffee bean were bitter but also...flavorful. He swallowed and reached for another one. "These are good." More than good really, since he's not really looked he he enjoyed candy before.

"Well, this one doesn't any more."

He appreciated the effort, at least: he was well aware that a sense of humour was not exactly innate to all angels. Nor was liking food - or at least, it wasn't really encouraged. Honestly, he was pleased that Raphael had bothered humouring him enough to even try the coffee beans. More pleased, though, that he'd liked the sweets. He'd known that being around the other archangels tended to bring out his childish tendencies, but the grin this got out of him was unmistakeably young, in a way that he usually wasn't. He acted immature, yes, but this was different.

"Yeah. Not really my cup of tea, but I figured you might like 'em."

Many things that weren't exactly innate, but were learn-able, and several things that were innate weren't exactly encouraged, for many reasons. And while most of them boiled down to making the Host easier to control, Raphael hadn't done any of it with the intent to harm his siblings.

But he offers a little smile at Gabriel's grin. It reminded him a great deal of before - and Raphael had genuinely been happy then. If this is what it took to get some of that feeling back, Raphael was willing to do it. "It was a good choice."

"Course it was. I'm an expert - the expert."

He was glad, despite how he tried to cover it up. Not because he was bringing Raphael around to the dark side, but just because he'd missed that smile. Raphael may not have been as exuberant as Gabriel or even Lucifer tended to be, but all the same he'd been happy, and Gabriel was worried that that might be a thing of the past. It was good to know that it wasn't.

"About time you became on expert on something."

No reason to do nothing more than yank on Gabriel's ear. Otherwise they might steer into feelings they both are trying to avoid. But Gabriel wasn't wrong - Raphael's ability to feel happy was still there, buried under everything else.

"Hey."

Without any heat, naturally. He elbowed him in the side anyway though - a little brotherly violence never went amiss, and even among more functional families than theirs, it was generally acknowledged to be a nice, healthy alternative to emoting. Easier, certainly.

He elbows back, shoving without intent. It's a much better alternative, and covers him popping another of the candies into his mouth. "Whine a little more baby brother."

"You're only just older than me."

He doesn't care that that makes him sound even more of a baby than usual. He quite likes it, actually. After all, it's been a long while since they really made the most of being kids, and back then they hadn't appreciated it.

"Older is older." He doesn't care that he doesn't sound that much older than Gabriel when he says it. It had been far too long since he got to be young.

And really...they should far outlive most things. They were still young, even if current circumstances had made them all grow up too fast, and Raphael was enjoying this break.

And well. Teasing Gabriel, in a way that didn't end up with your wings stuck together or you spotting polka dots or some other prank, that was always a bonus.

"Just means you'll get old quicker, bro. Boring and grey-haired and wrinkly - I think I'll pass."

It didn't apply to them, of course. Angels didn't age the way mortals did: by most standards they were already both unbelievably old, even if they didn't always act or even feel it.

"Besides, being younger just means I'm a newer model. Version 2.0, y'know? With a whole range of improvements on the prototypes - better hair, better sense of humour, that sort of thing."

"I was created boring, remember?"

They both knew better - Raphael had become creative out of necessity, to keep up with Gabriel. And this had been the first time in a long time he'd felt young.

"Keep up that talk and I'll pass it along to Balthazar." No, he wouldn't. But there was no reason not to needle Gabriel a little.

"You were created something, alright."

What that 'something' might be he didn't specify, but judging by the way it was darkly muttered and accompanied by a scowl, it wasn't anything good. Of course, Gabriel didn't mean it - mostly, anyway.

"Better than you, an overgrown noise maker."

Raphael mirrors the tone, and the meaning. Even though he'd probably hurt anyone else who suggested Gabriel's so function was to be an annoyance. Even if he flicks Gabriel in the ear before settling comfortably back.

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