kore_logs | for my brother, who keeps me sane

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for my brother, who keeps me sane

Who: Raphael and Gabriel
Where: Gabriel's room in House 11
When: Late night Day 77/obscenely early morning Day 78
What: Raphael is basically a stray cat. At least he doesn't scratch up the doors?

It isn't the first time Raphael's appeared in Gabriel's room when no one else is around, and Gabriel expects (hopes) that it'll be far from the last. Even if the relationship is tense to say the least, too many accusations and apologies still waiting to be made, it's hard to stay away now, after so long apart. Especially with Lucifer still missing, it's a comfort to Gabriel to be reassured every now and then that Raphael's still around. And, well, it has been a while since he's been able to just sit and talk with his brother about nothing at all. Perhaps that in itself is a bad idea - they do have a lot of things to discuss that are actually important, after all - but emotions are for puny humans and if they ignore their problems long enough, they'll go away, right? Right. It's always worked in the past. So, until something happens to actually force them to talk about Feelings, Gabriel at least is perfectly happy to pretend nothing's wrong between them. And the best way to do that is, obviously, to continue his mission to find some candy that Raphael actually likes. So, when Raphael does turn up (and Gabriel will deny forever that he's been sitting there and waiting), he's greeted not with any actual words but with the packet of gummy bears Gabriel lobs at his head.

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"If you threaten me I won't give you any." Or he'd dump powdered sugar on Gabe's head. Something. But he did catch the gummy bear and Raphael huffed a breath in what might have been a laugh.

"I don't know of anyone who actually likes canned peas. At least it wasn't seaweed?" Gabriel was going to make a truly impressive face at that, Raphael was still to wager, and he craned his neck to watch for it.

"If you don't give me any, I'll have ... ooh, probably the biggest tantrum you ever saw. Don't push me, Raph, I throw a mean wobbler."

Perhaps not as bad as Lucifer was capable of, but it still wasn't to be taken lightly. Gabriel might not have been able or willing to actually harm Raphael, but it didn't mean he couldn't still be the most annoying little brat of a brother in the world. Although that being said, he was already pretty bad - the expression at the mere mention of eating seaweed was proof enough of that: Raphael should be satisfied.

"And they eat that voluntarily." It was lucky they hadn't had to resort to it at any point when he'd been human, given that eve n just talking about it made him look well and truly revolted. "There's no accounting for taste, I suppose."

"Did you threaten to gag me when I threatened something similar?" He knew what kind of tantrum Gabriel was capable of, and he wasn't too worried. He wouldn't push him that far.

And that expression was priceless, beautiful, and he cracks a smile. "Yes, they do. Might have to remind people of that here, at some point." Hopefully they wouldn't end up in that situation again - or if so, with at least one of the archangels there to conjure food for the others, but the rest of the town wouldn't be so lucky.

"We've been over this, haven't we? Not before the second date!"

He did usually avoid sexual jokes with his brothers - or at least with the archangels, since Castiel's confusion was hilarious and Balthazar tended to actually find them amusing (and understanding at all was more than was usual for the angels) - but sometimes he just couldn't pass up the opportunity. It was hamartia, of a kind. A very strange kind.

"Oh, I don't think it'll get that desperate. Folks seem to die off here at a quick enough rate that there'll at least be enough meat." Though perhaps people would prefer seaweed to cannibalism. Presumably Gabriel was joking, but then again, he had spent a lot of time with the pagan gods. "Besides, if the food situation gets really bad, I can lend a hand."

He just wasn't sure if he'd be able to get away with it. Escape attempts had got them punished in the past, and if food shortages were part of their captors' obscure but doubtlessly nefarious plans, providing some might be dangerous. Even if it wasn't, he didn't want to deal with people coming to him for help - he wasn't a vending machine and he didn't intend to be treated like one. So long as there was enough food, he wasn't going to intervene.

"After you shoved me in that volcano in the Cat's Eye? I can if I want." So nyah. Raphael did in fact get some of the jokes, he just normally ignored them.

"If we end up with a Wendigo, you are siccing the Winchester on it. I'm going to sit back and laugh as you try to convince him to believe you." He didn't know if Gabriel was joking or not, not that either would surprise him. "As will I, but only if there is no other option."

And the first person to expect it went without. He'd watched what happened with Castiel and the Winchesters, and he refused to let it happen to him, or any of the others.

He hadn't been expecting Raphael to go along with the joke. The surprise of it was enough to get a laugh out of him.

"I guess you do still owe me for that."

Though honestly, he didn't expect to be paid back, or at least not in kind. Raphael tended to be more thoughtful and less impulsive than Gabriel - his revenge, if it ever came, would no doubt be impressive, but he didn't think it was likely to be violent.

"If we end up with a Wendigo, it can eat him for all I care. It's not exactly gonna go after one of us." If it did they were well-equipped to take care of it themselves. And there weren't that many humans in the Cape about whom Gabriel particularly cared - not so many, at least, that he wouldn't be able to keep an eye on them himselves.

"Oh you guess?" Raphael never really planned on "getting" revenge. Gabriel not being sure was good enough - though if he ever needed a big favor, it might some into play.

"Yes but think of how long it would take him to believe you." He didn't really care if Dean did or not - they were safe and they could take care of those they cared for. It wasn't a big deal, mostly Raphael was just bored.

"Y'know, forgiveness is a virtue. Or something." Not that Gabriel would know - he wasn't big on it. Or, for that matter, on virtues. "You could always just let it go. Be the bigger man."

Wheedling aside, he was confident Raphael wouldn't actually hurt him. With that in mind it might be fun to see what he'd come up with - but on the other hand, Gabriel quite liked his dignity intact.

"I suppose that could be entertaining. It'd do wonders for my reputation for honstty - and that'd fuck with his head, that's for sure. Which is always fun."

"I could. Or you know. I could be myself and throw more gummy bears at you." Simply because it was funny watching Gabriel catch them. And he liked the candy.

Although Raphael wasn't likely to actually hurt Gabriel, no. Maybe just bruise his ego.

"Isn't it? And Castiel couldn't even be bad at us." Which was a win-win, in Raphael's book. Screwing with a Winchester and not undoing the progress with Castiel.

"Can't you be someone else, then?" As if he minded having candy thrown at him. And as if there were really anyone he'd trade Raphael for. "If I get a vote, I'm saying Jessica Alba."

Alas, Gabriel's ego was probably the most easily bruised part of him. Not because he was insecure, admittedly, just because archangels didn't bruise easily. And because for a guy who so enjoyed taking the arrogant down a peg, Gabriel was pretty damn arrogant himself, and it was mostly unfounded.

"I'm sure he'd find a way." He wasn't sure how, but if anyone would find a way it would be Cas.

"I don't know who that is." Fine then, try to catch two at once. Because Raphael didn't want to think about who he'd trade Gabriel for.

To be fair - all the archangels were like that. Arrogant and prickly about it, but at least in Raphael's opinion they had earned it, and he'd defend that. But there were few who could try to take the mickey out of Gabriel without bring Raphael's wraith down on their heads.

"Probably. He keeps surprising me."

"You haven't lived." He rolled his eyes and didn't bother trying to catch. He was generally willing to make a fool of himself for a laugh, but even he had limits of some kind - as it turned out, they were round about at when he began to remind himself of a pet dog.

"He has a way of doing that." Said with fondness and not a little pride, even though being angry at them without an obvious reason wasn't exaclty the most impressive thing Castiel would ever have done. "If it didn't have such catastrophic consequences, guess I'd be proud."

An ineffective attempt to cover up that he was anyway... which was probably a bad thing, but Gabriel didn't have to live with most of those consequences, so he figured he had the luxury to be proud of Castiel's rebelllious nature and ability to consistently manage the impossible. And also to fuck up everyone's shit, something for which Gabriel had something of a soft spot.

"I hear more about people children are interested in." He could say he's busy - it's true, more true than the other statement but why rub salt into wounds? Raphael didn't see the point.

"Courage and intelligence, you know I appreciate them." Which had been why he'd taken to Castiel at all, for all the handful he was. "Anarchy though. I can't." And he wasn't about to back down to Castiel either. Michael he would gladly serve. Gabriel. Working with Gabriel was an ache in his heart he hadn't known how deep he felt, until he had this - and it wasn't something he wanted to give up. Even Lucifer he was willing to work with. But he would never, ever, kneel or surrender to any other angel. He wasn't sure he was willing to kneel to God anymore. Not since Michael was taken, trapped, not since a traitor was raised instead of the loyal being rescued.

"Must be hard. Children tend to have terrible taste." Although, being as childish as he was, he probably shared a lot of their opinions.

"Oh, I know - courage and intelligence are, after all, my two primary attributes." The third and fourth being sarcasm and flat-out lying. "But he doesn't really have the get-up for anarchy. I always said, if you're gonna be an anarchist, you gotta dress the part. Spiked blue hair, eyeliner, leather jacket and a studded dog collar - without that, he doesn't stand a chance."

"Well, they would probably love you." Zing? Zing! But Raphael rolls his head and shoulder back, tipping his head over his shoulder and almost smirking at Gabriel. Come on little brother, you walked right into that one.

"I wish he saw that." The conversation was skating serious territory and Raphael wasn't sure if he wanted to veer it away, or plow into it. On one hand, he knew Gabriel wasn't perhaps the best to unburden on, and yet there was lingering resentment he'd left and abandoned his duties, his brothers, and he and Michael had desperately needed him, a want to slam it down on him and tell him it was his turn to step up. But Raphael had seen what the weight of that burden had done to Michael. Zachariah. Naomi. Even himself. He didn't want to see Gabriel crushed under it. He didn't even want to see Castiel break under it.

"Like I said, terrible taste." He smirks back - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? And his ego is in good enough shape to cope with making a few little self-deprecating quips.

"Well, that's Castiel for you. From what I hear, he's done some pretty stupid things." He won't take sides, not really. He's perfectly happy to bitch about Castiel with Raphael - and probably vice versa - but when it comes to actually passing judgement, that's not really his thing. On the humans, sure, but not on his brothers: it's too personal, and he empathises too much with both sides. "Honestly? Sounds like he could use some reining in."

"I'm not disagreeing." He wasn't teasing to be mean - there were other thing he could bring up if he wanted to wound. But he doesn't, just rib Gabriel some.

Raphael sighs softly but there's a weight to it, almost like a creak in a dam that's ready to break. "Yes, he has." And while Raphael is passing judgement, he's also very disappointed. "He could. I can't do it Gabriel, I've tried." And that's where some of his bitterness lays - he needs help. Gabriel should be helping.

"Wouldn't expect you to." He's well aware, after all, that Raphael would know exactly what to say if he really wanted to hurt him. This isn't that, though; this is just cheerful teasing and he's very, very grateful for it.

"I know. If he was less stubborn, or less sure he was doing the right thing all the time..." But there's no way to talk him out of either of those things, and any force Heaven has tried to use only seems to have made it worse. "I suppose it doesn't matter at the moment, does it? He's not messing with anything important here. And there's enough of us here to knock some sense into his thick skull if he does."

It's not exactly volunteering to help. If Gabriel ever actually did that - or even stopped being self-absorbed long enough to figure out his help was needed at all - the world might implode. But it's maybe enough of a prod for Raphael to say something.

"Good." Raphael is grateful for it too, he needs this as much as Gabriel did, something quite and warm between him and his brother.

Everything had made Castiel worse, even lengths that Gabriel didn't know the full depth of. "I think I'm the last person who should try, if it comes to that. It's like he sees me and decides to do the opposite just to spite me. You'd have a better chance than I would." He wouldn't outright prod more than that, not unless he to.

"What can I say, kid doesn't like authority figures." Otherwise he's pretty sure Castiel would be just as stubborn about listening to him as to Raphael. "Can't say I blame him - in general, anyway. If somehow he manages to stir up any trouble here, I'll see what I can do. Gotta say, though I'm hoping he'll avoid the usual shitstorms the Winchesters and Co. manage to bring down on themselves and everyone else. If he does, Balthazar and Dean oughtta be able to talk him down - and I think I'd rather leave it to them."

Which comes as no surprise at all - Gabriel wanting to shirk responsibility isn't exactly front-page news.

"The kid is an authority figure and it's damn well time he thought about that!" It's snapped, and not entirely about Castiel either. Some of it was, certainly. Some of it was the panic that Raphael felt, realizing that he and he alone was the last adult-figure left for the angels and the responsibility he felt for them, the burden (as much as he loved them) that they - and the rest of creation - were. He couldn't do this with Michael, he can't do it alone. "But no, let's just go in, take the entire host and throw them into chaos and anarchy and call me the bad guy for trying to stop him."

And in no surprise at all - Raphael is taking on far far too much.

"I don't have the option of holing myself away from my duties, Gabriel." And yet, right now, that's what he's doing. Sticking close to Gabriel, ignoring the town, ignoring the humans trapped inside, and their captors outside it, throwing candy at his little brother.

And that's around the moment when Gabriel realises just how personal a subject this is for Raphael. He shuts up for a moment, reconsidering his approach. It's all very well seeing Castiel's side of this, but Raphael doesn't need someone playing Devil's Advocate. As far as Gabriel can tell, it seems more like he just needs some support. Since Michael's been in the Cage, Gabriel imagines Raphael's not had a lot of that.

"His intentions may be good, but he's an idiot. And he's wrong about you."

That much, at least, he completely means. Gabriel's reluctant to pigeonhole even Lucifer as the 'bad guy', and if he doesn't deserve the title then Raphael certainly doesn't. Perhaps that's harder for the other angels to understand, especially Castiel, but in Gabriel's opinion that's no excuse.

"And - look, judge if you like, but yes you do. Even back home you could've. I mean-- there would've been consequences, but you could've done it. You wouldn't, I know, but... here? Well, what duties do you even have? There's no Heaven to run and there's no Apocalypse to deal with. We can't protect the others from whoever brought us here and so far we couldn't leave if we wanted to, so. Why not hole away? Speaking from experience, it's not so bad."

That's just Gabriel being selfish, though. There are things they could be doing, escape attempts they could be planning and if they tried, no doubt they could find something helpful to do. He'd rather be here, though - not just right here right now, sitting on his bed and joking with Raphael, but also here in Cape Kore. He's certainly better off here than he was at home, after all. He doesn't particularly want to leave - and he doesn't want his family to leave either, even if they do want to, and (though he doesn't like to think about it) even if they are under constant threat of experimentation and probably torture for as long as they're there.

It's very personal. More than Gabriel knew, more than Raphael actually knew how to say. Castiel may have years between them, but Raphael doesn't. He offered Castiel mercy, and had it spit back in his face. "He's wrong about a lot of things, but he's convinced his way is the only way."

He doesn't sigh, just pulls inward slightly, even while leaning back. He doesn't voice it, very probably couldn't, but leans nonetheless onto Gabriel. There's guilt to it, because he shouldn't be leaning on someone younger, but there's no one older to seek out. "No, I can't. I can't-" He drops his head to his chest, but he's still leaning (somewhat heavily) against Gabriel. Because little brother isn't wrong, he needs support. "I can't forget about Michael, Gabriel. I can't abandon him like everyone else has. I can't betray him like that. He actually thinks God is going to come back." Raphael hadn't believed that, in longer than anyone knew, but he'd never voiced it to Michael. "What do you think I should do, just let him break?"

He couldn't. Even if, deep down, he knew if Michael ever learned of his own lack of faith in God, it would mean his death, or worse. Even if he knew, had always known, that God and Lucifer would always, always come far ahead of Raphael. Even if, he knew, he was far from first to any of the Host, even the other archangels. He just couldn't abandon them.

"There's us. We have one Castiel who is all but human, another who is...I don't even know what to do with him. Anna is hiding from everyone, that cover isn't going to be easy to keep up. Balthazar is floundering. Chuck. I - we -" because he is including Gabriel here, "- can't protect them from everything but we do some things."

Edited 2013-08-07 23:28 (UTC)

"Sounds like some other people I know."

Not a criticism, per se. Just a gentle reminder. Despite everything, the only person he can really bring himself to rail against unfairly is God, and he doesn't even entirely mean that. He turns, careful not to displace Raphael's weight - as the Messenger and a god, he's well aware of symbolism, and even if Raphael doesn't consciously mean anything by leaning on Gabriel, he doesn't want to let him down literally. He's pretty damn worried right now that he already has figuratively, and is about to do it again, so he has to hold onto that at the least. And also (literally again) to Raphael. He's not great at comfort - none of them are, really - but he can at least try, and shifting around to take hold of his shoulders and get some proper face-to-face eye contact seems like a good start.

"Michael isn't here." He's at home, stuck in the Cage with Lucifer. Which is partly Gabriel's fault, he knows, and it isn't what he wants for either of them, but seeing it have this effect on Raphael is worse. "Even if he was, it's not on you to make sure his own stupid expectations don't get him hurt. Not when it's at your own expense."

Raphael's situation is nothing like his own was, he knows that. That makes this easier, really. Otherwise this would end up with him trying to justify himself again, and he knows he can't really do that - at least not in any way that'll satisfy his family. Raphael, though, is in a lot deeper than Gabriel ever was. He knows Raphael was affected by dealing with Michael and running Heaven for so long, but he never realised how badly. Or, in fact, that Raphael's own wellbeing is so low on his list of priorities. Gabriel's not sure there's even anything he can do to change that - but it's worth trying, even if it only leads to more fighting in the end.

"The others-- well, we can take care of ourselves, and of each other. At least well enough to get by. You don't have to play mother hen for us, Raph, or for anyone. If any of 'em need it, they can find someone else." He knows it's not really anyone's fault - at least not any of their siblings who're here. It's easy to overlook someone's problems, especially when they've put themselves firmly in the role of caretaker. But it makes him irrationally angry that everyone has overlooked Raphael for so long, including himself. "Quit worrying about other people and worry about yourself for once, alright?"

"I don't speak of free will and finding our own way, then kill those who disagree with what I want them to do. I raise my sword only as an utter last resort. I was watching Chuck, remember? I didn't come after you. I didn't kill Joshua after he pulled Dean and Sam away from Zachariah. I didn't try to hunt Anna down with the intent to kill her, no one was even sent to look until the demons tried to get a hold of her." Uriel had wanted her dead, but Anna had caused that...in a large part because of him, but he hadn't wanted to kill her. But he didn't, totally, squash the will of the angels - he just curbed it, controlled it, but he didn't kill over it. Castiel hadn't given that - 'And let it be known -- you're either with Raphael or you're with me.' And anyone not with him, he'd declared war on. Anyone who didn't fall in line with him, while stating he wanted free will.

Raphael doesn't move much as Gabriel does, but he takes more comfort than he thinks he should in Gabriel's turning them about and holding onto him. "I want him here." It's quiet, admitted with his eyes lightly closed, then opens them again. "He needs me to Gabriel. You don't know what he's become, how he's changed." And Raphael actually wasn't angry at Gabriel for that. Michael and Gabriel had both loved Lucifer more than the other archangels, Raphael had loved Michael most and Lucifer second - he was hurt, of course, but he wasn't morning he most beloved. He could watch Michael more closely because of it.

"He doesn't want the Apocalypse, he needs it, and no matter how it ends, it's going to destroy him. Shouldn't someone look after him?" Someone should - in Raphael's mind, their long absence Father needed to. But He'd made it clear that He refused, and Michael deserved better. They all deserved better, really.

"You all are terrible at taking care of yourselves." Or Castiel, Balthazar, and Chuck were, anyway, and Gabriel not much better. "I need to- I can't just-" This time he does huff out a breath. God had abandoned them to whatever fell their way. Angels and humans alike. Raphael couldn't be like that.

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